I should start this off by saying, I know how all of this is going to sound but I promise this is really how I feel.
at a young age I’ve felt differently than others, I was hearing voices, having hallucinations, and most importantly couldn’t feel anything.well anything major, for my whole life I’ve done things to feel like a human being, sex, drugs, alcohol ,self harm, violence, I’ve used people just to feel something, I know there is something fundamentally wrong with me and I’ve accepted the fact I am no longer considered a human being. While destroying my body I’ve also destroyed my mind now having 163 voices and hallucinations. My work drains me of my care for life even more being surrounded by nothing but laughter and cold gazes. My boss sees right through my actions and it both scares and angers me . I long for my death but I will not actively try to achieve it as I still have people around me who I have to make feel wanted and cared for. I am not a human being and I never have been and that is something nobody can truly understand.