I’m at a dead end *trigger warning*

[Unknownforsaftey]

I should start this off by saying, I know how all of this is going to sound but I promise this is really how I feel.
at a young age I’ve felt differently than others, I was hearing voices, having hallucinations, and most importantly couldn’t feel anything.well anything major, for my whole life I’ve done things to feel like a human being, sex, drugs, alcohol ,self harm, violence, I’ve used people just to feel something, I know there is something fundamentally wrong with me and I’ve accepted the fact I am no longer considered a human being. While destroying my body I’ve also destroyed my mind now having 163 voices and hallucinations. My work drains me of my care for life even more being surrounded by nothing but laughter and cold gazes. My boss sees right through my actions and it both scares and angers me . I long for my death but I will not actively try to achieve it as I still have people around me who I have to make feel wanted and cared for. I am not a human being and I never have been and that is something nobody can truly understand.

What medications and/or therapies have you tried so far?

Reach out to mental health services or and you gp for support !

I think you should try medication. Did anything traumatic happen to you?

Firstly, you ARE a human being. That's not even a debate. You're here, you're talking to us, that means you are a human.

Secondly, you really need help. You need to speak to your GP and be as open and honest as you can about how you feel and about what's been happening to you. There are plenty of things they can try, but only if you have the courage to start yourself on that path.

There are medications to address hallucinations as you describe. You really need to ask your GP to refer you for an urgent assessment. Your life must be hellish with undiagnosed, untreated mental health conditions. If you really are hearing voices, I think you would be prioritised even with the NHS in the state it's in.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Some further support links:

NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health
NHS: Looking after your mental health
CALM: The Campaign Against Living Miserably
NHS: Help for suicidal thoughts

Very best wishes from MNHQ.

I’ve been Ambon a lot of medications since my begging years of high-school they all kind of blended together, as for therapy I’ve been in 7 different therapies all telling me different things like” it sounds like disorganized thinking” to schizophrenia, to depression and so on and so on the only thing I’ve learned from therapy and hospitalization is that they only wanted my money and not to help and now that I have no insurance or money I won’t be going back to it.

If you don’t mind me asking what is gp?

Yes a lot has happened in my life so far but I don’t think I would call it traumatic more like a punishment.

Are you in the UK?

Thank you I think it’ll take awhile for me to warm up to the idea of being human but until then I will try my hardest to get the help I need when I can.

I’ve been on medication before but they always charged me hundreds of dollars for it and now that I don’t have insurance I won’t be able to afford it so therapy and medication unfortunately is not in my cards at the moment.

No unfortunately I’m in the us I couldn’t find any forums for the us if this is a uk forum.