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Original poster

What is this feeling - TW suicide

28 replies

Whatisthisfeeling · 08/09/2023 21:28

Hi all. Middle aged male, long time poster under a different name.

I have constant thoughts about suicide that are quite frankly scaring the shit out of me.

I don't have any health problems, particularly mental health, that I am aware of but I seem to be constantly thinking about just giving up and I dont know what to do.

On the face of it, everything seems good. Reasonable decent job and reIatively comfortable. I am married, reasonably happily with DC that are almost grown and flown the nest and I cant help but thinking, that perhaps, it might be time.

I used to be so full of life, enjoying every moment and the definition of the life and soul of the party....but the last year or so, nothing really has changed in my life that I can put a finger on, but I just seem to have lost all joy and hope. Life in general just generally seems crap. Society in general seems to have gone to shit and the future seems quite bleak.

I dont think I am going to do anything daft, its just more of a constant simmering under the surface of "perhaps its just easier, once I get too fucked off with everything?"

Is this normal, depression, just a mid life crisis/funk or something I need to seek some sort of help with?

OP posts:
addicteetopawpatrol · 08/09/2023 21:29

I don't know but hope u are ok

Switcher · 08/09/2023 21:31

Please call the Samaritans and talk it through in detail.

Pr1mr0se · 08/09/2023 21:34

In all seriousness I would get in contact with a professional psychotherapist and talk through things or more immediately the Samaritans are there to help too - just a phone call away. They are there for all types of crisis. We all have times when we are depressed no matter how good things look. Be kind to yourself but do try and get some support to work through this. Hope you are ok too.

Original poster
Whatisthisfeeling · 08/09/2023 21:36

Thank you.

I am ok, and like I say I dont think I am going to act on anything, but the feeling is just constantly there. I just dont know if I can shake it off, or if I need medication, or counselling or something else.

I think ultimately I am too "cowardly" to do anything, and its the thought of DC that would stop me. But its more the thoughts that I can’t seem to be rid of.

OP posts:
Hairbal · 08/09/2023 21:41

best start talking about how you feel … talk to your GP, Samaritans, your partner, a good friend, a therapist.

medication, don’t turn you’re nose up at it. Sertraline made a huge difference for me, it was life changing.

what can you do to improve how you feel? Take up regular exercise, meditation, mindfulness, walk with friends, get a pet, plan some exciting activities.

Naughty1205 · 08/09/2023 21:42

OP depression can hit anyone at anytime. Whether you have everything in life you want/need. It does not discriminate. I'd go to GP for a referral to a psychotherapist to help you unpick these intrusive thoughts. Best of luck.

Hairbal · 08/09/2023 21:44

Also your partner and kids would be heartbroken .. it’s important to explore all avenues for good mental health

DuckyShincracker · 08/09/2023 21:45

I was like this before HRT. If you are a lady of a certain age then if you can grab the oestrogen with both hands? I know not everyone can have it but personally it's my saving grace,

WorriedMillie · 08/09/2023 21:45

Hello
I would recommend having a chat with your GP in the first instance
It’s good that you feel you won’t act upon your feelings, but it’s still important to talk them through
Might it be a simmering burnout situation? Together with the impending life changes with kids leaving home? Together with the backdrop of the past few years, current general financial situation, etc?
You speak of “relative” and “reasonable”, with respect to your relationship and job. Is there some stuff here to explore?
It’s great that you have identified this and reached out 🌼

Original poster
Whatisthisfeeling · 08/09/2023 21:51

WorriedMillie · 08/09/2023 21:45

Hello
I would recommend having a chat with your GP in the first instance
It’s good that you feel you won’t act upon your feelings, but it’s still important to talk them through
Might it be a simmering burnout situation? Together with the impending life changes with kids leaving home? Together with the backdrop of the past few years, current general financial situation, etc?
You speak of “relative” and “reasonable”, with respect to your relationship and job. Is there some stuff here to explore?
It’s great that you have identified this and reached out 🌼

I think you might be right about the job and relationship. Both are "good" but I don't think I am ultimately fulfilled in either. But the thoughts feel too extreme, when I know that a job or relationship could be changed/ended. A relationship ending would obviously be more heartbreaking and impactful than changing jobs/career, but the thoughts just seem OTT for that.

I did wonder about a burnout, but not sure if this it what it feels like?

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 08/09/2023 21:53

The mind will contemplate all options pretty much constantly - it's why we can be really happy one moment and scare ourselves with very dark thoughts moments later. When those darks thoughts become more frequent or concrete then it's time to figure out what's going on underneath. Maybe you feel your children no longer need you (they do!) or that retirement is looming and everything that's underpinned your existence is going to change? Whatever's happening it's time to talk to someone to get your thoughts on a more even knell.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 08/09/2023 21:58

Do you have any history with OCD? Because intrusive thoughts are super common with this. I had a similar experience when I was 6 months pregnant. It was suicide related but something that scared me to death. It lasted for weeks then just disappeared. I did speak to my midwife and I was going through a very stressful period. Please speak to your GP.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 08/09/2023 21:58

justanothermanicmonday1 · 08/09/2023 21:58

Do you have any history with OCD? Because intrusive thoughts are super common with this. I had a similar experience when I was 6 months pregnant. It was suicide related but something that scared me to death. It lasted for weeks then just disappeared. I did speak to my midwife and I was going through a very stressful period. Please speak to your GP.

Wasn't suicide related*

Original poster
Whatisthisfeeling · 08/09/2023 21:59

justanothermanicmonday1 · 08/09/2023 21:58

Do you have any history with OCD? Because intrusive thoughts are super common with this. I had a similar experience when I was 6 months pregnant. It was suicide related but something that scared me to death. It lasted for weeks then just disappeared. I did speak to my midwife and I was going through a very stressful period. Please speak to your GP.

No history with OCD no. Luckily I have Not really had any mental health issues before, so this is all kind of new to me.

OP posts:
justanothermanicmonday1 · 08/09/2023 22:00

Please do some research on intrusive thoughts. I found YouTube very useful. All the best!

Highdaysandholidays1 · 08/09/2023 22:10

I don't know what's underlying this, and perhaps you don't either, but you sound depressed and with it having an existential crisis of sorts- a feeling of what's the point, why should I carry on existing. I can relate to this and I think it's common in mid-life, perhaps due to dropping hormones, mid-life crisis for both men and women.

I would see your GP pretty urgently, phone the Samaritans if you feel truly desperate (I have a couple of times). If your work has a helpline or counselling, use that in the first instance and if you like, think about reaching out to a few therapists and seeing if you click with one of them. I'd also think about confiding in your marriage/a friend so that there's someone checking in on how you are doing.

There is a lot of pressure on men to hide their depression/MH feelings, and it sounds like these have crept up and surprised you, but they happen to lots of people during their life course, and seeking out help now, before they become embedded is a good idea. I use medication and meditation, try to sleep a good amount, take some exercise and slowly over time this has all helped tremendously so you are not stuck and you will be able to get better, but this is something for action and not just sitting wondering why you are disengaged with life at the moment.

Original poster
Whatisthisfeeling · 08/09/2023 22:16

Thanks all for the comments. I do really appreciate each one. I think my work does have a counselling support line. I will look into it.

I probably dont get enough sleep or exercise, but these have been a constant for most of my adult life. I have tried all manner of exercise over the years (classes, cycling and running alone/with friends, weights, yoga, all sorts) but generally I get bored after a while as I just do not enjoy exercise.

OP posts:
MNHQ
ClaraMumsnet · 08/09/2023 22:23

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health Webguide. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Take care OP 💐

Mental Health Webguide | Mumsnet

A guide to information and services related to mental health support. Find reliable organisations and support services here.

https://www.mumsnet.com/webguide/mental-health

Original poster
Whatisthisfeeling · 08/09/2023 22:29

Thank you @ClaraMumsnet will take a look at the link.

OP posts:
JSmithIloveyou · 08/09/2023 22:30

Please look up Andys mens club in your area or on Facebook.
They meet every Monday evening all around the UK for a brew and a chat..( no pressure to chat) .it could just be the best thing you have ever done.. you have nothing to loose.. but just maybe a lot to gain.
Good luck.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 08/09/2023 22:32

I was thinking more about a 15-minute brisk walk or 10 min dancing at lunchtime if you work from home, nothing too strenuous, just getting the heart slightly racing. I find the key to better sleep is getting off TV/social media/laptop earlier, but that's the counsel of perfection (I'm still on it now!)

I don't think there's always one fix, but reaching out and speaking with others is so important, and getting medical advice (you don't have to take it immediately but it's good to know the options) are starting points, and other things can follow on behind.

Original poster
Whatisthisfeeling · 08/09/2023 22:34

JSmithIloveyou · 08/09/2023 22:31

I like the look of that. Thank you

OP posts:
FlamingoFloss · 09/09/2023 07:46

Please go and see your gp. You don’t have to feel
like this and there are medications that can help. You may have an imbalance in your brain that just needs balancing with meds. Please make an appointment so you can feel better again

JSmithIloveyou · 09/09/2023 08:49

Saved two of my male friends...and said it was the best thing they have ever done.. one is now a facilitator.

Taking the first step is the hardest.. if you message the club near you.. someone will meet you at the door..
I'd love to know how you get on.
Good luck.