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Really thought I was getting better.

29 replies

3kids1cat · 28/02/2008 11:15

Hi. Posted on here a couple of weeks ago for a few days when I was feeling very low and needed some support. Everyones replies made me feel more positive, and although lots of you suggested I see my GP I decided I would try hard to pull myself out of it. Have been trying to go out for a walk with dd every day, and things were looking up. I was getting on much better with DP, and hadn't cried for days. Was on a high if anything, even though nothing in my life had actually changed, I actually thought I'd turned a corner.

Then this morning I have woken up with the horrible feeling again, I have started panicking about things that are going on at the moment. It's as if a huge dark cloud has just settled back over me, I put dd in the pushchair, put my coat on but then couldn't face opening the door. Taking the kids to school this morning I felt horribly self conscious and on the verge of tears.

Why has this happened? I want to be strong and happy, and was really trying, now I just feel like I'm trapped in this feeling no matter what I do.

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 28/02/2008 11:21

That sounds horrible for you - can I just say well done for doing the school run even though you felt so awful. That has taken guts.

I think you do need to see your GP - tell them what you have achieved and what you are struggling with. They are there to help you - and asking for help is a sign of strength not weakness.

Good Luck

3kids1cat · 28/02/2008 11:27

Had no choice about the school run, DP works away during the week, and I hate the kids missing school.

Was hoping to avoid seeing GP, he's a man who's not very understanding and doesn't do talking, just wants you in and out with a prescription, and although AD's work for lots of you I'm not very keen.

I know I need some help but don't know what kind. Feel like my heads going to explode.

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 28/02/2008 11:28

what about your hv instead of your gp?

Ulysees · 28/02/2008 11:30

I've just ordered a book on CBT for a friend called Feeling Good (The new mood therapy) by David D Burns. It's had rave reviews and is around 4.49 on amazon. Just thought I'd mention it as it may be worth reading?

3kids1cat · 28/02/2008 11:34

Haven't had any contact with hv since dd was 3 weeks old, she's 8 months now, not even sure I'd know who to contact. Would they not just tell me to see my GP anyway.

I know I sound negative and difficult, I'm sorry I don't mean too. Arrgh, feeling like this is so annoying.

OP posts:
newmummy27 · 28/02/2008 11:56

hi
couldnt just read and not reply to your post. i know where you are coming from, my son is 15 weeks now and i feel all over the place i walked to 3 different community centres this morning looking for the baby clinic, because my health visitor didnt explain very well where it was. i was pushing the pram and tears neary streaming down my face. i feel crap, think we all have days like this.have you suffered from depression in the past? i mean before you had children? i think you need to find a doctor who you feel you can talk to. i really think councelling is the way and having a break, do you have anyone around? just think how you have felt the last week when you seemed to turn the corner. when you have bad days and the cloud comes over take that as a warning sign that you body and mind is telling you to have a break. then hopefully you will have another week where you feel you are turning the corner again :-)

NorthernLurker · 28/02/2008 12:41

3kids you do not sound difficult or annoying! The HV is at your service until your child is at school afaik. How much help they are very much depends on how good they are at their job - but I would expect them to come and chat to you and support you in looking for other sources of help. If you were going to consider medication of some sort then yes you will need to see your GP - but as he doesn't sound hugely approacahable I thought seeing the hv would be a way in as it were. If you want to contact hv - ring your GP surgery and ask them for the number.

3kids1cat · 28/02/2008 13:14

Hi newmummy, that's the thing, it just came back suddenly. I think I have suffered from deppression on and off for about 5 years, but have kept my feelings to myself and just got hrough the low points. I think my family are un-aware of how low I get because I tend to shut myself away and not see or talk to anyone when I'm feeling like this. My DP knows but I think he feels helpless as to how he can help.

I'm sorry that you had a bad morning, but the fact that you kept going after the first community centre proved you're stronger person than me, I would have given up and gone home. I want to be able to think, 'I'm just having a bad day' but this usually goes on for a while. Would love a break but there just isn't any opportunity to get one the way things are right now.

OP posts:
northender · 28/02/2008 13:30

Another vote for trying the health visitor here. Both times I have run into problems with PND the hv has been my first point of contact but I had seen mine more so knew them reasonably well. They were both great and offered themselves for me to talk to due to long wait for counselling services. After dd my bad time happened when she was 14 months and the hv identified that I needed to see the GP as well, made me an appt for that day but also spoke to the GP so I didn't need to sob my way through everything again.

I'd definitely give the hv a try. You sound like you are doing really well but sometimes you have to get outside help. It's not a sign of weakness, more of a strong woman asking for help at the right time.

NorthernLurker · 28/02/2008 13:35

Northender - that's great to read your experience - that level of support is exactly what I would expect a hv to deliver and I think it would be a good point of contact for 3kids.

3kids - there is nothing shameful or wrong in feeling how you do. You do not need to haul yourself out of the hole you're in - you can shout and someone will come and help you. When you're out of it - you can do the same for someone else.

3kids1cat · 28/02/2008 13:39

Thanks, if I'm feeling more capable tomo, I'll try getting in touch with my hv.
Just having some communication with another adult has been helpful, so thankyou for responding.

OP posts:
northender · 28/02/2008 13:44

Don't feel you have to wait until you feel "more capable"

NorthernLurker · 28/02/2008 13:56

Let us know how you get on 3kids

3kids1cat · 28/02/2008 13:58

I'ts just that at this moment the thought of doing anything outside the absolute necessary makes me feel horrible. I know I have to go and get ds and dd from school soon and am having to keep relaxed about that. Focusing on typing, and sewing, which I am also doing at the moment is helping me block out the extreme negative thoughts I know are about to take over my brain.

When I say more capable I really mean when I actually have the mental strength to pick up the phone and dial the number and have a conversation. I know I couldn't do that right now.

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 28/02/2008 14:15

that's fair enough 3kids - sounds like you are planning sensibly. It's definately a time for little steps isn't it? I have to go do my school run now - but will be back later.

newmummy27 · 28/02/2008 14:24

hi, i'm back. thanks for your positiveness about the community centres, i really could have burst out crying in front of any stranger...
something i have tried today which i think does help.. i have put the "friends" DVDs , a bit of humour in the background helps a little or have you tried "feel good" music? something else, stick some headphones in your ears (sorry i am behind the times i-pod etc) with nice music on when you go on the school run.
ring the number and just say you would like a visit from your HV, thats it, shouldn't need to have much of a conversation :-)

3kids1cat · 28/02/2008 14:35

Thanks newmummy, your idea for music is one I always use as it really does help, unfortunately when I switch it off I'm still depressed. I have tried wearing my headphones to the school, but I think the other mums think I'm ignorant enough as it is, because I never speak to any of them.
As I said before will aim to ring hv tomo, can't face it today.

Thanks for replying to me when you aren't feeling that great yourself, its good to be able to support each other esp when you don't always want to talk to family.

OP posts:
newmummy27 · 28/02/2008 14:41

3kids1cat, i am still here. tell me something positive about yourself, there must be something :-) how old are your children? i guess you will be going on the school run soon...

3kids1cat · 28/02/2008 14:45

yes fraid so, got to leave in a sec, will try to think of something while i'm out and post when i get back.

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newmummy27 · 28/02/2008 14:49

ok, i'll be here,

3kids1cat · 28/02/2008 15:43

So I'm back from the getting the kids. Was not feeling good on the way there, very wobbly, luckily my sister rang just as I got there so I was able to speak to her and shut everybody else out of my mind.

Tried to think of something positive and all I could think of is on a practical note, I'm a reasonable cook. I try my best to cook homemade heathly organic (where possible) food for myself and the children. We're on a very tight budget but I think diet is really important.

I have a ds who is 7, dd1 is 4 and dd2 is 8 months.

OP posts:
newmummy27 · 28/02/2008 16:06

i have to say you sound better than before you went out also i bet you are a lovely mum, you say you want to be strong and happy, well by the sounds of it you are strong, but you need to work on the happy bit. i am sure there are positives about your personality, you sound diciplined and creative. i am very similar to you i keep everything in, but i bet you wouldnt tell your children to bottle things up.
you say there are other things going on in your life at the moment too, do you need to unravel them? i hope i am helping in some way..

3kids1cat · 28/02/2008 16:34

I always feel better when the children are home, I think its because I don't like them to see me un-happy so even if it's a complete act I try to be cheery.

The other things that are going on right now are mainly day to day stresses of life, money, housing problems, relationship worries, etc. They are things that on a good day I can just about deal with and be rational about, but in the bad times they become all consuming and I can see no way out. There are a few issues underlying that I really can't talk to anyone around me about and from time to time these can send me into a depressive state. I'm not sure they are things that would be worth talking to a counselor about, they would seem silly to others I think.

OP posts:
newmummy27 · 28/02/2008 16:58

2kids1cat
they ARE worth talking about.
my HV suggested to me a "family nurturing" course which is run by our local surestart centre. i only went to 1 session as i felt it was too soon after my son was born to be going. they have a free creche. not sure if they do that course in your area? maybe you could ask about it. the course is free too. i really think it would help you. first step is to ring tomorrow though, get her to come out to your house and take it from there.

Kaz1967 · 28/02/2008 17:55

It is normal to have ups and downs it can because of your menstrual cycle, life events or sometimes just be one of those things.

Talk to your HV she may know of local support groups even if you have not had any contact with her she is responsible for families with children under 16

Good Multi vit and mineral supplement and some cod liver oil or oil of evening primrose (B vits, magnesium, zinc and essential fatty acids)

If things have not improved at work you need to have a word with your boss and explain how you feel they need to take the pressure off you NOW or they will end up with you off sick too.

Breathing exercises, The one we did at the depression workshop was to breath in and hold the breath for 6 sec then breath out for 9 sec. I find abdominal/diaphragmatic breathing works better for me, it's the type of breathing babies and infants do before they really start using the muscles between the ribs as adults do.. It's not as easy but it works on 2 levels first by using the diaphragm it takes less effort and the lungs fell more effectively so reducing your heart rate, at the same time it also sends messages back to part of the brain using the autonomic nervous system saying everything is OK so reducing your adrenaline production. You will probably need to practice this regually normally they recommend 3-5 times a day for 5 mins. There is an explanation on how to do it here walking.about.com/od/fitness/a/breathing.htm and you may want to look up things by Dennis Lewis (he's a bit cheesy mind)

Physical relaxation - It's a rare person who can just relax often it's easiest to start at one part of the body tense the muscles then relax them I start at my toes and work my way up, I have also been talked through tensing everything holding then relaxing, sometimes it's easier doing it with a voice telling you what to do There is a free one here you can download onto a MP3 player Living Life to The Full www.livinglifetothefull.com it's a CBT course it's free maybe something else you find useful. There is a basic relaxation description here www.brianmac.demon.co.uk/relax.htm

Visualisation there are probably many forms of this I the one one of my counselors did was to imagine I was on an island he asked me what it looked like trees, birds look inland what did I see (I saw a river followed it to a pool and waterfall sat down and point blank refused to go any further) My safe place visualisation is now the pool and waterfall. I have found one free online course that describes it's self as guided visualisation www.success.havemorefromlife.co.uk

There are also several techniques used here www.twu.edu/o-sl/counseling/SelfHelp039.html

Self hypnosis I know nothing about it but someone else might

With all these things it's practising that's important normally they recommend you do it 2-3 times a day when you get up, go to bed and sometime during the day if you have time. Something like the deep breathing you could do on the train on the way too or from work or sitting in a traffic jam... Visualisation and relaxation not as easy to do it somewhere where you would be self contions

There are other formal ways to learn to relax maybe taking up something like Yoga, Ti chi, qigong,

Then thers other things like Indian head massage, reflexology, massage, aroma therapy......

This is a free online CBT course www.livinglifetothefull.com