Really thought I was getting better.

[3kids1cat]

Hi. Posted on here a couple of weeks ago for a few days when I was feeling very low and needed some support. Everyones replies made me feel more positive, and although lots of you suggested I see my GP I decided I would try hard to pull myself out of it. Have been trying to go out for a walk with dd every day, and things were looking up. I was getting on much better with DP, and hadn't cried for days. Was on a high if anything, even though nothing in my life had actually changed, I actually thought I'd turned a corner.

Then this morning I have woken up with the horrible feeling again, I have started panicking about things that are going on at the moment. It's as if a huge dark cloud has just settled back over me, I put dd in the pushchair, put my coat on but then couldn't face opening the door. Taking the kids to school this morning I felt horribly self conscious and on the verge of tears.

Why has this happened? I want to be strong and happy, and was really trying, now I just feel like I'm trapped in this feeling no matter what I do.

How are things today 3kids?

You sound very much like me. I know ADs don't work for everyone but sometimes they do if you find the right one. I found fluoxetine absolutely useless but Citalopram (once the dosage was right) has worked wonders. Please don't rule it out. It took me ages to stop trying to fight my depression on my own and I really wish I'd made that step earlier.

Also a good free site is moodgym.anu.edu.au (I hope I've got that address right).

If your doc isn't easy to talk to is there another one you could see?

Also I had a lot of anxiety problems. My doc lent me a book and it was really good. It was Overcoming Anxiety by Helen Kennerley. I found it really helpful because it explained that anxiety is completely natural and why we needed, made me feel a lot less like I had to stop feeling anxious and more like I just had to start learning to control it iyswim.

Oh and I'm the type of person who hides everything from my family. In the end though the stress of keeping it from them got too much and I got dh to tell my sis. Once my family knew it was so much easier to cope with. I also have an aunt who's suffered a lot of depression on and off and she was really supportive.

Hello 3kids,
Thought I'd add my 2p's worth... What you describe sounds v familiar... I was depressed for months after ds born, and found that everyday worries that seem manageable when you're well took over my mind to such an extent that it was really hard just to get little things done. I was also dead against ads - I tried CBT counselling, vitamin supplements etc, but when nothing seemed to be working I accepted my GP's recommendation of sertraline, totally against my instincts but in absence of a better plan. There was a difference more or less overnight - I felt back to my old self again and was able to come off them after 6 months. I'm certainly not saying that you should take ads if you don't want to, but I wanted to reassure you that sometimes things can turn a corner when you least expect them too.

It sounds like you're doing a great job of keeping going through a tough time. Talk to a friend/ faily member who you trust - don't feel ashamed of what you're going through - it is much more common than people like to admit.