There's no help. I can only see one way out.

[Shamefulsecrets0]

I can't leave my relationship. I can't go to the council because they'll put me miles away from anyone I know and I won't be able to work and my kids won't be able to go to school and I won't be able to continue with my university which is to try and better myself. I can't get anyone to help me. I am suicidal and there is no way out, I'm trapped in this relationship and I'm terrified. I feel sick I can't stay here because its killing me but I can't leave because I have nowhere to go and it's going to destroy my life and more importantly my childrens lives even more.

I can't ring the crisis team because last time I spoke to them they told me to be grateful to him. Which makes me think he's right and it's all me in which case my children are better off without me anyway. I am overreacting. I do over react to everything. I am too sensitive and other people go through 10000000x worse and I should be able to deal with this. My mum says he's not that bad. But I can't. I don't want to do it anymore, I'm desperate. I've contacted womens aid, I've contacted shelter, I've contacted the council. I have nowhere to turn and I'm scared.

Would your mum help you with first months rent and deposit for another tenancy ?

No, she couldn't afford that.

I've tried ringing the samaritans and texting shout and they didn't respond. There truly is no help anywhere now

How long do you have left on your university course?

Shout should respond but it can take several hours. I think you should talk to your mum or another relative about how bad you’re feeling

Keep trying the Samaritans OP. You will get through eventually.

With the crisis team, someone said a stupid thing when they told you to be grateful to him. Could you ask to speak to someone else instead?

It's okay to be sensitive, it's okay to react strongly to things, lots of us do. Have you been taught any techniques for grounding / calming yourself? That can help get through these moments until things seem more manageable again.

Take it one step at a time, keep asking for support. Things can get better.

Have you tried student welfare at the university?

I have 3.5 years left of the course, I can't afford to leave it and then go back to it because then I'd lose the loan.

I've had a horrific morning where nobody was answering, I tried 4 people a nd 3 organisations and didn't get a response. That's really scary.

I do know some grounding techniques but I think my mental health is so shot right now that I feel like I'm acting crazy - I feel crazy. I am constantly waiting for the next argument and I know it's going to be something I did wrong.

What about a doctor ?

Try the grounding techniques even if you think they might not work, it's worth a try.

I guess that your uni course is part time? Are you studying remotely or do you actually go in to uni to study?

My course is online for the next 6 months and then I'll be doing fulltime in university for the next 3 years with placements so I need to be close to the university.

The person from the crisis team was an individual wanker. I know how deeply traumatizing it can be when you tell someone about your shit relationship and they minimize it or take the abusive’s partners perspective. It makes you feel you are going mad. You know things aren’t right and then what you know is true is denied. Just like your abuser denies it.

Are you stuck at home with your husband whilst you're working online? Any chance you could go to a local library to study, or even a cafe with wifi for a bit? Would that help at all? Just to get out of the space that he's in?

I'm sorry that there's no one available to actually speak to, especially as you tried several different sources of help. It must be incredibly frustrating for you.

I totally agree, absolutely no help at all.

Samaritans will help in very short term

so, you MUST go to your Gp. Talk about how you are having suicide ideation. Tell them that you feel crisis team are saying you have to remain in marriage and that you are frightened and anxious everyone is conspiring to prevent you leaving your marriage and there’s no way out. The Gp should be going back to crisis team urgently and getting them to step in to support you through this mental health crisis. It is not their business to make comment on whether you should stay in your relationship or not, unless you are being DOL or sectioned. And even then this is your choice and they must work with you in a way to support your decsion

ifnyou are actively planning ways to take your life, call 999 . Now. Don’t mess around

OP, I’m going to flag this to MN as you’ve expressed suicide ideation and hopefully they can ensure you are ok. You need help urgently with your mental health.
💐

I'm sorry you are feeling like this. As a previous post mentions have you spoken to student welfare at your university for support? Also I know our local university offers family accommodation set ups whilst studying which may be an option to explore.

Can you give us some idea of what is making life with your husband intolerable?
Are there any practical steps that might help you cope until you are in a position to leave him?
Grey rock?
Is a non molestation order an option?
Could you take legal steps to get him to leave?
I'm probably grasping at straws, but just hope against hope that there is something that could be done to make the situation bearable for you.

I'm so sorry you were failed by the Crisis team OP, that was a really dangerous response IMO and I would contact PALS and put in a complaint. I have found PALS to be really helpful in the past. Could you go to your GP to try and get some support - or A&E if you are desperate.

Alternatively do you have a supportive friend or family member that you can just go and spend the afternoon with? Just to get away for a bit and clear your head? Is that possible?

Do you have a diagnosis? BPD perhaps OP? Just wondering based on how you describe feeling. If you don't then I think it would be worth speaking to your GP about it as if you get a diagnosis you might be able to get DBT which could help in the longer term.

Good luck OP I'm sorry things are so overwhelmingly difficult right now, I hope you get the help you deserve.

He calls me crazy, swears at me constantly when we have arguments but I swore at him once (I know thats also wrong) and he acted as though it was the most awful thing I could have done, tells me I overreact to everything and nobody else would ever see things the way I do, he says he wouldn't act the way he does if I just acted normally, he calls me controlling and says I cause all of the problems, he makes me out to be a terrible mother and undermines me on things that are safety/health related. I am on egg shells constantly, I know it's coming I just don't know when. I know it's just words. But I can't take it anymore - I don't want our children to think this is normal.

I do apparently have BPD (although I don't seem to fit most of the criteria) which is another thing he uses against me. Usually when I tell people that they automatically assume I'm lying though.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

OP, who says you have BPD? Is this something which he's decided and uses against you to make you feel more crazy or do you have a diagnosis?