Short version ish
Felt suicidal in the past after my first son. But got better with help. Had second baby but only had two weeks mat leave the stress of looking after two kids all day, work in evening, night feeds and husband working away plus family stress just makes me want to give up on life. We don't have any external support at all. Plus the current state of the world I can't see thing's getting better. I have to work, when i got pregnant i could have afforded to have low hours but now i cant hence the situation. Been on sertraline a while which helped ish but not anymore even with higher dosage
Feeling hopeless
Sounds ridiculous but friend had her baby today, uncomplicated pregnancy easy natural water birth. Everything I wanted but didn't get either time because im useless and its just made everything feel unmanageable even though I am pleased and happy for her