Shall I just end it now

[stopiwanttogetofff]

Short version ish

Felt suicidal in the past after my first son. But got better with help. Had second baby but only had two weeks mat leave the stress of looking after two kids all day, work in evening, night feeds and husband working away plus family stress just makes me want to give up on life. We don't have any external support at all. Plus the current state of the world I can't see thing's getting better. I have to work, when i got pregnant i could have afforded to have low hours but now i cant hence the situation. Been on sertraline a while which helped ish but not anymore even with higher dosage

Feeling hopeless

Sounds ridiculous but friend had her baby today, uncomplicated pregnancy easy natural water birth. Everything I wanted but didn't get either time because im useless and its just made everything feel unmanageable even though I am pleased and happy for her

Sounds so pathetic to read but my day to day is so hard I have no time to do things I need to do and dont want to let alone anything I might actually want to do

Please reach out for help from your doctor or HV - you don’t have to feel this way x

You don’t sound pathetic at all OP, it sounds like you are doing so much for your family and have no time to look after yourself. You really need that, even more so when you are dealing with MH too.
sounds like you’ve your friends birth has brought up some mixed emotions and you’ve not got the time or space to process them.
Have you got anyone local you can ask to help with the kids?
Or are they old enough for you to let them watch TV and you could put headphones in and perhaps write or draw to explore your emotions?
Definitely speak to your Doctor and HV too.
Asking for help is the hardest step - well done for reaching out

what your going through WILL pass. It WILL get easier and it WILL get better. Things will get easier as the children get older.

if you are on sertralin already, you’ve done the hard bit of asking for help. You only need to say it’s not working and you need something else.

please hang in on there. You matter more than you know and more than your fuddled brain will let you believe.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.’

You are NOT useless. You are struggling and I'm not surprised you are.

Looking after two young children by themselves then working in the evenings would make most people struggle but you've only just given birth!!

Speak to your health visitor or gp as soon as you can. And speak to yourself kindly. You are amazing

So one is 3 the other 4 months now so been doing this for four months. 3 year old won't watch tv for more than ten mins, he has a very short attention span which is tricky. The hardest days are when my husband is away he travels for work so is away 3 days 2 nights a few times a month

I’ve felt similar before. Two young ones and no time for yourself is really tough.

The suggestions I had that might not sound much but really helped me get some time / head space:
-use your commute as ‘me’ time listening to music or a podcast
-if you are entitled to a break at work (hopefully you are) actually take it. Switch off your phone, take yourself some kind of treat like a nice cup of tea, few sweets, and take some time to breathe and relax with no demands.
-speak to your husband about the night feeds if you are FF or able to express, it’s not all on you!
-is there a playgroup / play park /large field / soft play that is close by, so you can put the youngest in a pram or sling and let your 3 year old play - one of my friends has spent ages reassuring me that its actually good to say to my children, we’ve come to the park so we can all have some independent time and it’s okay to model that by leaving them to play independently in a safe space, (side note - I find bright coloured clothing really helps me spot the DC in the park from a bench)

Please also remember PND is real, tough and no shame. My HV visited for 30 minutes weekly at my worst for at least 6 weeks. That weekly window was my lifeline as no one else could help me through Covid times.

Are you able to plan ‘easier’ days to take the pressure off when your husband is away eg could he shop and batch cook for you before he goes so you have food ready?

Also, for your 3 year old I found a lady called Avital at Hi Fam has a focus on independent play, I only did the free course (can’t afford the longer ones) it worked amazingly for mine. I understand all are different and maybe not the right time atm but something to bear in mind for future. Hi Fam - free course

I'm a freelancer who works from home so no break or commute, basically if Im not looking after the kids I'm working but appreciate the practical help re the parks and things x

I finally finished work and went to bed at 1:30 am now up with 3 year old 2 hours later, baby will want a feed soon and my 3 year old then gets up at 5 every day. Husband also leaves for work at 5 and won't be back until Thursday. This is a night that happens several times a week no wonder I want to die

I sympathise with you. You should be able to have some time just to focus on the new baby. It’s no wonder you feel this way x

Can you reach out to your GP and ask to be referred to the perinatal mental health team? I think it's important to get some intense support for you right now. That's a lot for anyone to cope with.

This sounds very similar to something I have been through and I send you so much empathy. Truly. One of the reasons you are so down on yourself and life is utter, profound exhaustion. When you are so sad life loses colour and focus and it’s almost impossible to get it back when you are so cut to the bone by exhaustion.
i am so sorry OP. The real message that I and others here will convey is that this, like all things, shall pass. It is temporary and though the days are so crushingly long, the years are short.
Does your DH know how you are feeling? Please go back to your GP and review your meds. Please when your DH is there take time away from the kids. Completely. Switch off from them. Take time for you. Sleep if you want. Go for a walk. Listen to birdsong (I have the Merlin app and record bird song at around this time or whenever) and it can feel meditative in a way.
You are not useless. You are tired and sad and need support. You can do this and it shall be better soon. I promise.

It does sound very hard for you at the moment. Going back to work so soon after the birth must have been awful.

You do seem to be quite hard on yourself - can you look back and recognize you deserve a standing ovation for everything you have done and are doing. You are superwoman really.

The two hours sleep sounds horrific, but my guess is you want it to stop rather than to die. It will pass.

Do you get to catch up on sleep at the weekends?

There may be practical help available depending where you are. Mothers help type things. Please speak to your gp or health visitor there may be things available to you that you're not aware of. Do mention feeling suicidal as that will help them help you access the right things xx

@stopiwanttogetofff I am sorry it was insensitive not to have considered that you might be WFH.

I know it’s more complicated when s/e but when you are feeling a bit better it might be worth speaking to turn2us or entitled to to double check as a significant amount of working people qualify for universal credit and the threshold is high. I don’t know for sure but would assume you also wouldn’t be under any pressure to work as it’s less than 9 months since you gave birth so would get maternity allowance.

In the meantime please phone your HV or GP today and insist on speaking to them and get a plan in place for the next few days, taking it as easy as possible one day at a time.

Sleep deprivation is genuinely a form of torture and it will get better.

So I work 30 hours, that has to fit around my husbands work and me looking after baby every day and 3 year old outside of childminder hours thiugh the childminder has been on holiday last week and this week which is making everything harder. I basically work every evening and every weekend. I sometimes get a nap on a Saturday and Sunday if there arent other plans.

I have to work to cover our mortgage and bill increases, I was meant to be working less but then everything changed almost instantly after finding out with mortgage rates, energy prices and the cost of every even now just keeps going up. We aren't entitled to any help, guess we are the ones in the middle that dont get help but dont earn enough to cover the shortfall of help. Dont begrudge those that get it, everyone is struggling right now

Wish we just had some practical help sometimes to be honest. No village here! The family that would actually help live too far away. The local ones just don't want to help

Just feels like whats the point of life to live this existence working literally all hours but still not being able to afford life or do nice things with my little family. It's pointless

OP, so sorry that you are feeling like this. I echo other posters who are saying that you sound utterly exhausted. Life sounds like a treadmill for you with no let up. In terms of mood, please talk to your GP or HV for some support or signposting. Perhaps your meds need increasing?

Practically could you employ a Mother’s Help type of person? Maybe in the mornings or at the times of day when things feel really overwhelming. They could maybe do some of the household jobs and mind the baby for a bit.

After the birth of one of my babies, I was hit with crushing PND and was very poorly. I found it almost impossible to ask for or accept help as this somehow fed my feelings of failure. Please take any help that you can. The lack of sleep will be exacerbating your low mood, any chance for rest will help. Would it be possible for a family member from far away to come and stay with you when your husband is away?

hi@stopiwanttogetofff
hope you have managed to get in touch with your GP and HV okay.

Could you speak to DH and agree a set weekend ‘nap’ time. Then you know that’s ring fenced and a break is always in sight.

I’m sorry that you fall through the gaps, I remember my cousin as a single Mum was advised to stop working to make ends meet as she would be better off-it’s crazy!

In terms of the village, playgroups might help you build one.
In our area there are some supported ones for Mums with PND etc. The HV should know. Or I find the library useful for posters of support.
We aren’t designed to do this on our own!
If you are not up to the playgroups perhaps you could try speaking to home start: Home start link

It feels rubbish and pointless at the moment but it will get better and you will be able to enjoy doing things with your lovely family.