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Original poster

I am having a really difficult day

38 replies

OneFrenchEgg · 28/07/2023 21:21

I tried an online text thing but they didn't reply for a few minutes so i did the 'stop' thing

OP posts:
RedDoughnut · 28/07/2023 21:24

What's up?

Start at the very beginning. Maybe typing things out will help a bit

SkaneTos · 28/07/2023 21:26

I'm thinking of you, and I hope you'll feel better soon!

Original poster
OneFrenchEgg · 28/07/2023 21:26

Yes maybe. Something has gone wrong and all the stuff I had covered has just unravelled. I think it's a bit of a Swiss cheese thing if all the holes lining up.

OP posts:
Original poster
OneFrenchEgg · 28/07/2023 21:26

SkaneTos · 28/07/2023 21:26

I'm thinking of you, and I hope you'll feel better soon!

Thank you. I dont have any mental health friendly friends or people to talk to.

OP posts:
LadyLolaRuben · 28/07/2023 21:48

Do you want to tell is some more about what happened and what's unravelling as a result?

LadyLolaRuben · 28/07/2023 21:49

One step at a time OP so you don't get overwhelmed x

Original poster
OneFrenchEgg · 28/07/2023 21:51

I don't think I can properly in case anyone sees it. Or Googles and finds it. I had a horrible work meeting I led which went sideways. I can't really remember what happened but I remember being in it getting more stressed and trying to turn it around. None of my support people were around so I have to sit on it. I sent an email to try to make it better and it was weird of me so I looked weird and needy.
There's other stuff.

OP posts:
Original poster
OneFrenchEgg · 28/07/2023 21:55

My day is just getting worse and the stuff I was better at like mental illness is just unravelling. I just don't have anyone to speak to. I think I need to get through today and try to manage.

OP posts:
elizzza · 28/07/2023 21:59

I’m not sure what online text thing you tried, but if it would help to speak to someone and you think you could manage doing it on the phone, you can ring the Samaritans at any time on 116 123.

It’s very very rare that a work thing is actually as bad as people make it in their head. What are the potential outcomes of the meeting going badly, would it help to talk through that?

Original poster
OneFrenchEgg · 28/07/2023 22:04

That's a helpful question. Maybe I need to think about that.
I'm feeling really like it started because of my birthday and the meeting and then got worse because if I don't have an person to talk to it spirals. So I haven't eaten (the thing I haven't had problems with for years and was recovered) all day and I feel like back to when I was a child and everyone went on and on about food and I became anorexic. I haven't had that for years and years. It's just turned into a very difficult day.
But maybe that question is helpful, I need to stop going over the meeting and think so what?

OP posts:
stayclosetoyourself · 28/07/2023 22:10

Hi OP just want to say I can sympathise that sometimes in a group setting like WhatsApp group or zoom I can feel a bit over exposed. I can guarantee everyone has had a rushed/ not ideal/ difficult meeting or just one full of mishaps and misunderstandings. It's ok

Hillrunning · 28/07/2023 22:18

Today is almost over, things won't seem so bad in the morning hopefully. You are doing a great thing for yourself by posting here. What other two good things could you do?

Original poster
OneFrenchEgg · 28/07/2023 22:22

Thank you, yes I think online is hard if it goes wrong because you are left alone when you log off and you don't walk out with anyone or exchange a smile or explain something. Which is my weird email was weird and not a passing comment.
I don't know everyone here is annoyed because I'm not happy. I had to stop them coming to try to make me do stuff. I have had a lot of caring responsibility.

OP posts:
elizzza · 28/07/2023 22:23

That sounds really hard. I totally understand the spiralling because you don’t have anyone to talk to - probably if you’d been able to debrief with someone at work they’d have told you everyone feels that way sometimes or that it didn’t go as badly as you think. What’s your workplace like, do you have a line manager or HR person you could speak to on Monday?

You obviously know the long term effects of not eating, but there are very quick short term effects too - if you haven’t eaten all day your blood sugar is super low right now, which can increase anxiety as well as making you feel weak and confused. Do you feel up to doing some simple physical things for yourself right now? Drink a big glass of water. Take a shower. Is there something small you feel like you could eat? (I don’t want to sound like I’m downplaying your former eating disorder, I know it’s not as simple as just “eat something”)

Original poster
OneFrenchEgg · 28/07/2023 22:28

No thats fine I haven't had this for years and years. It feels like a choice kind of. But things have to be ok to eat.

I'm on leave or it would be better but I have a lot of days away now. I think it would be hard to explain. It's a thing I am doing and I was taken aback at the feedback, with no time to do anything for the period I'm away. I'm being cagey because I'm a bit paranoid.

OP posts:
elizzza · 28/07/2023 22:33

That’s okay, you don’t have to explain anything here. Do you have any plans for your time off work?

passthegingordon · 28/07/2023 22:36

I think online is hard if it goes wrong because you are left alone when you log off and you don't walk out with anyone

I was talking to a colleague about this recently and I think you'd be surprised how common this is now with folk WFH and dialling into Teams meetings and then after the meeting finishes...it's just you.

Is it just today you've been feeling like this again, so basically a consequence of the meeting? Like OP said, it's really common to dwell on a meeting that hasn't gone well, and if you have experience poor mental health anyway (or have a history of it) you feel it more acutely and dwell for longer. A lot of people feel quite maudlin on their birthday so it sounds like the combination of birthday/bad meeting has been a bit overwhelming? Hopefully you can get a good sleep and by tomorrow you might be able to look back on the meeting a bit more clearly, or even just manage to put it out your mind. Hope you feel better soon, and remember you are not alone, there's plenty of people on here to listen to you.

Original poster
OneFrenchEgg · 28/07/2023 22:37

Not for ages which is a worry. As now I'm stuck going over and over today to try to make it right. But maybe if I get through today and it's not a day with extra stress like my birthday it will calm down.

OP posts:
Original poster
OneFrenchEgg · 28/07/2023 22:41

Gordon that is really interesting I think usually I have work support people like friendly faces who I can ring. Just a coincidence all in meetings or off sick all day.
I think I'm really not very robust and am propped up a bit by them if I'm brutally honest with myself.

OP posts:
passthegingordon · 28/07/2023 22:48

It sounds like you had a bad day and unfortunately no one was around you can talk to. After our larger online teams meetings one or two of us usually instant message each other straight afterwards to basically 'dissect' the meeting, go over anything that's worried us about it, if the boss has been a twat or even if we're worried we said anything really ridiculous, etc. It's quite therapeutic and stops you going over it for ages in your head alone.

Original poster
OneFrenchEgg · 28/07/2023 22:58

Yes. I think it started with not being happy because of stuff and today already. Then it got worse and triggered my ocd and I kept trying to make it better but none of my proper methods were available.

OP posts:
stayclosetoyourself · 29/07/2023 10:06

Hi One
How are you this morning?
I know how small things can feel like they trigger a set back but if you've got to a good place before, you will get back to it.
Try to let the thoughts about work and the meeting go and distract with something maybe outdoors ?
How can we help?

elizzza · 29/07/2023 10:47

Hi OP, also checking in to see how you’re feeling today.

Original poster
OneFrenchEgg · 29/07/2023 11:26

Hi, really weird still. Thanks for checking. I feel a bit overwhelmed and stressed because I can't go to work and put it right. Or talk to anyone about it. And I can't get my day back and have it done nicely.
I wanted to end on a positive so I could switch off but it is left horrible but I can't make it better anyway. Because it's about how I'm running a project and I can't just make one call because of all the people involved. I'm just going to ruin my leave by stressing.
It's definitely all triggered ocd and eating issues. I don't really know how to stop. But it's nice you've checked, thank you.

OP posts:
stayclosetoyourself · 29/07/2023 22:01

Hi One, sorry only just seen your update. I know how you feel it's hard to get on top of thoughts and anxieties sometimes. Can you imagine the worst case scenario about the meeting and then think well it can't be worse than that? Or try some skills if you have had therapy before such as distraction or opposite emotion or mindfulness/ TIPPS?
How did the day pan out?