Horrible anxiety 😔

[Peridot1976]

Hi all! This is going to be a long post 🙄

For the last few months I've been struggling with really bad anxiety. I've suffered with it on and off for years and have always been a worrier but this time it's absolutely horrendous to the point where I'm struggling to go out, but I'm also very anxious at home too. I do try to go out on my own for a bit each day for either a drive around, nip in the local shop or for a short walk but each day seems as hard as the last.

I'd say what triggered it off was when I had a fall in February and badly sprained the ligaments in my ankle and had to have a month off work - I'm a community carer. My routine went out of the window.I couldn't walk the dog or drive, my partner was doing the food shop or I was limping around the supermarket with him. Over that month I could feel the anxiety creeping up and when I went back to work I couldn't cope with it at all. I was constantly anxious and was having panic attacks so at the beginning of May I went on the sick and I'm still off work now. I couldn't even go into a shop on my own without panicking.
I've been to the doctors so many times and they've given me betablockers which helped a bit at first but made me constantly focus on my heart rate and blood pressure, even made my BP and HR a bit too low at times. I was also really tired and groggy on them and had wicked heartburn. I was only taking 10mg twice a day but have stopped taking them now.
They also prescribed Sertraline and told me that the side effects could make me feel a lot worse or even make me feel suicidal so I haven't dared to take them. Another doctor has actually told me to forget about taking any medication because it was just adding to my anxiety.

I've been on the waiting list since March for CBT and that starts this coming Friday.

I don't even know what I'm asking for really but I'm just really, really struggling and was hoping to have some help or advice. Im also feeling quite lonely and very isolated because my house is quite private and I spend so much time in here on my own but can't see people, cars, 'or life' through the window. I can see the garden from one side of the house and a wall and roofs of houses from the other. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only person in the world and it also gives me too much time to think and focus on how I'm feeling. I even phone the samaritans some days, or 111 or the crisis team because I get myself into such a state and need someone to talk to.

I live with my partner of 10 years but he thinks people can just snap out of it and he's not the most patient man in the world. He does help at times but if I go with him to walk the dog for example he thinks I'm cured and then huffs and puffs if I say I'm feeling bad. A lot of the time he's not at home because he goes to work then goes to the golf course or for a couple of pints at night a few days a week, he always does that during the summer. Today he went to Wales to play golf at 8 this morning, he rang at 4 to say he was on his way back and was going for a couple of pints then didn't get back until after 10 tonight so I've spent a lot of time today pacing around the house or trying to meditate, watch TV because I was too anxious to go out anywhere. I've been tempted to phone an ambulance several times because I've felt so panicky. I just can't cope with the symptoms at all. I had blood tests and an ECG in May, all normal but I can't seem to accept that I'm fit and well because I basically feel like absolute shit all the time. I'm wondering if it could be perimenopause because I am 47 and my periods are now around every 22-26 days but I tried HRT patches when all of this started and they made me feel awful.

Anyway I'll leave it there for now...
Reading that back makes me feel like a moaning mard arse but I'm not honestly. I'm just so scared at the moment and fed up...Thanks for reading! X

There are some really useful threads on HRT on Mumsnet, which helped me hugely. I think if you're 47 the GP is meant to offer HRT as you're the age for perimenopause. The hormone tests are only helpful if you have a number of them, as they fluctuate, but the GP should offer HRT without them by 47.

I have the mirena coil and estrogel and it's changed my life. I didn't have anxiety like yours, but had quite enough and I was a wreck with pms. Now I feel ok most of the time, only anxious when particular situations trigger it, so it's manageable.

That sounds horrible, OP

I've suffered from anxiety off and on for most of my life, and I've been taking Citalopram for years. I'm now on 40mg/day and I think it's made a big difference to me. I can still get very anxious if there's very stressful stuff happening, but so would anybody else. I no longer find myself stressing and waking up with that horrible butterflies feeling, though, unless there's actually a reason for it.

I've never had any side-effects from Citalopram. Nor have I ever had any problems when coming off it (as I have done, from time to time). If you don't have a go with the Sertraline then it may be worth looking into Citalopram.

Very best of luck, and I hope you can get some help. I'd definitely recommend giving meds a try.

@Peridot1976 Yes I do, a few glasses of wine a couple of times a week. No issues, told the GP this too.

OP I think you’d really benefit from some CBT type counselling for your anxiety, it’s usually available through the NHS. I think anxiety generally responds better to counselling than medication especially if you’re the sort of person who is too anxious to even try medication properly anyway! I do think you should ask to speak to a different doctor about a change of HRT. A normal FSH at this age doesn’t mean you aren’t perimenopausal. I also think pregabalin might help you. But I’d recommend trying the sertraline first! It needs 3-4 weeks to see the full effect.

Op, you are absolutely peri-menopausal, and I implore you to see someone who actually knows what they're fucking talking about. Go to a private clinic, it will be the best decision you've ever made. Antidepressants can make anxiety due to peri-menopause exponentially worse.

Thank you for all of your replies. There's alot to think about (there always bloody is with this anxiety lark 🙄).
It's nice to know that I'm not as alone as I thought I was. It's also nice to feel like I'm being taken seriously and not being fobbed off, told to suck it up or just relax or ignore it...Wish it was that easy! Anxiety really is vile isn't it. I've always said that if my mind was stronger then I could cope with anything but I've never felt as weak as I do lately. Just can't switch it off or stop thinking the worst all the time. It's destroying me it really is.

I do think the perimenopause has got something to do with how I'm feeling. It must have at my age plus I've always had anxiety off and on anyway so of course it's going to rear it's ugly head again now isn't it.

Somebody mentioned CBT. I'm due to start that this Friday so hopefully that will help.

Thanks again everyone xx

Hi OP I can totally relate to you as I am 46 and also very anxious and low. Problem is I have just lost my Dad (horrible circumstances) am getting a divorce and moving house. I have been for blood tests and was found to have very low Vit D so thats sorted now but my FSH was high on one test and ok on the other. GP said she wouldn't go by the levels anyway as they fluctuate so much through the month and that at our age HRT should be prescribed on symptoms. I have been prescribed citalopram as am very low in mood but not sure if it is peri or life stresses for me and it is hard to know whether to take HRT or the anti-depressants. I am also starting CBT via work and hoping this will help because at the moment I am hanging by a thread.

A good book I would definitely recommend is https://www.amazon.co.uk/Anxiety-Panicking-powerful-self-help-suffering-ebook/dp/B00K3NCOWQ this has helped me a lot but I would highly recommend the medication and if no improvement after six weeks or so go back to your GP. Big hugs it is so hard.

Hi @honeyandfizz First of all I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Losing a parent is enough to trigger off anxiety anyway but on top of that you've got all of the other stuff going on as well. It's a hell of a lot to deal with!

It is hard to know whats peri and whats life stresses but at our age I'd say peri is playing a part in how we're feeling. I've had quite a stressful year. My mum was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer (she's doing OK) and my 3 year old grandson was diagnosed with cerebral palsy (only a very mild strain) but it all still plays on my mind). Then we suddenly lost some service users at work who I was very close to which was shock after shock really. Everything seems to happen all at once sometimes doesn't it.

Have your period cycles changed? I'm on day 6 of mine now and still spotting and the app that I track on says my next period is due at the end of July. Why can't they be further apart instead!!! I've had a horrible headache/neck tension/body tingling for 2 days now which isn't helping my anxiety. I think my partner is getting fed up of me 'never being well' now which just makes me feel under more pressure. I know it can't be easy for him but at least he isn't feeling like crap all the time and can still relax or go out. I used to do everything. I'd be up at 5am-ish then working till 2pm, doing the food shop, cooking, cleaning, walking the dog. I didnt sit down until half 8 most nights and now I feel like an exhausted nervous wreck whos pretty much agoraphobic. I do the shopping online and still cook and clean but thats about it.

Anyway I'm rambling now...Sorry!

Fingers crossed that the CBT helps us a lot. When do you start yours? I had a reminder text this morning so only 2 days to wait now...Mines via video call so at least I won't have to go out but I know I'll be on pins all day until the appointment at 3. I think I'll be crying through most of it because it doesn't take much to set me off these days...I only used to cry at things like Long Lost Family before.

Have you not started the medications yet? I really don't know what to do about my antidepressants. I started taking magnesium yesterday and as soon as I swallowed it I could feel my heart racing even though I've taken it before in the past. It's like I'm scared of everything at the moment even though I know that fear and being scared is the thing that's keeping me like this.

Thank you for the link, I'll have a look at it now....Sorry for the long rambling message 🙈
I really hope we start to feel better soon 🩷 xx

@Aquamarine1029
Can I just ask you more about this comment please (I also have severe anxiety)

Antidepressants can make anxiety due to peri-menopause exponentially worse.

This is just once source. There are many others.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/health/menopause-antidepressants-symptoms-worse-hrt-shortage-a9148951.html

I really feel for you. This happened to me out of the blue when I was 19. It went away without treatment but took 18 months and by that time I was seriously underweight and barely did anything. I changed my life in an effort to get rid of it: I got sacked from my job because I was "spaced out and forgetful", I left my boyfriend and moved in with my parents.

About 10 years later it returned with different symptoms and I made life changes again as well as going to hypnotherapy and CBT.

Thank you @Aquamarine1029

This thread is very interesting, I hope you start feeling better soon @Peridot1976

i started my own thread this week because I am having similar feelings - the way you describe your anxiety is exactly how I feel, just this dark feeling of dread hanging over me that comes in waves, sometimes one or two times a day, but the last week it’s been almost constant. I have blood tests on 27th and hopefully that will reveal something treatable, or she will prescribe me something to help with the anxiety. I firmly believe the anxiety is a symptom of something else, either hypothyroidism or peri, based on my long list of symptoms but they don’t seem to want to entertain the idea of hypothyroid and say I’m too young for perimenopause as I’m not yet 40.

it’s good to read others have had positive results with meds.

Everyone is v different.youd be surprised

I’ve got anxiety just like you describe OP and I really believe it’s peri as my periods are shorter cycles very heavy and lasting 9 day’s average.
it’s terrible what peri menopause can cause I feel anxious from the minute I wake up struggle to leave the house on my own etc.
No real advice but totally get how awful it is.