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Original poster

Horrible anxiety 😔

40 replies

Peridot1976 · 10/07/2023 00:33

Hi all! This is going to be a long post 🙄

For the last few months I've been struggling with really bad anxiety. I've suffered with it on and off for years and have always been a worrier but this time it's absolutely horrendous to the point where I'm struggling to go out, but I'm also very anxious at home too. I do try to go out on my own for a bit each day for either a drive around, nip in the local shop or for a short walk but each day seems as hard as the last.

I'd say what triggered it off was when I had a fall in February and badly sprained the ligaments in my ankle and had to have a month off work - I'm a community carer. My routine went out of the window.I couldn't walk the dog or drive, my partner was doing the food shop or I was limping around the supermarket with him. Over that month I could feel the anxiety creeping up and when I went back to work I couldn't cope with it at all. I was constantly anxious and was having panic attacks so at the beginning of May I went on the sick and I'm still off work now. I couldn't even go into a shop on my own without panicking.
I've been to the doctors so many times and they've given me betablockers which helped a bit at first but made me constantly focus on my heart rate and blood pressure, even made my BP and HR a bit too low at times. I was also really tired and groggy on them and had wicked heartburn. I was only taking 10mg twice a day but have stopped taking them now.
They also prescribed Sertraline and told me that the side effects could make me feel a lot worse or even make me feel suicidal so I haven't dared to take them. Another doctor has actually told me to forget about taking any medication because it was just adding to my anxiety.

I've been on the waiting list since March for CBT and that starts this coming Friday.

I don't even know what I'm asking for really but I'm just really, really struggling and was hoping to have some help or advice. Im also feeling quite lonely and very isolated because my house is quite private and I spend so much time in here on my own but can't see people, cars, 'or life' through the window. I can see the garden from one side of the house and a wall and roofs of houses from the other. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only person in the world and it also gives me too much time to think and focus on how I'm feeling. I even phone the samaritans some days, or 111 or the crisis team because I get myself into such a state and need someone to talk to.

I live with my partner of 10 years but he thinks people can just snap out of it and he's not the most patient man in the world. He does help at times but if I go with him to walk the dog for example he thinks I'm cured and then huffs and puffs if I say I'm feeling bad. A lot of the time he's not at home because he goes to work then goes to the golf course or for a couple of pints at night a few days a week, he always does that during the summer. Today he went to Wales to play golf at 8 this morning, he rang at 4 to say he was on his way back and was going for a couple of pints then didn't get back until after 10 tonight so I've spent a lot of time today pacing around the house or trying to meditate, watch TV because I was too anxious to go out anywhere. I've been tempted to phone an ambulance several times because I've felt so panicky. I just can't cope with the symptoms at all. I had blood tests and an ECG in May, all normal but I can't seem to accept that I'm fit and well because I basically feel like absolute shit all the time. I'm wondering if it could be perimenopause because I am 47 and my periods are now around every 22-26 days but I tried HRT patches when all of this started and they made me feel awful.

Anyway I'll leave it there for now...
Reading that back makes me feel like a moaning mard arse but I'm not honestly. I'm just so scared at the moment and fed up...Thanks for reading! X

OP posts:
ClaraBourne · 10/07/2023 00:37

The setraline will help hugely, not everybody gets the side effects at first. Please try them. I also suggest EFT tappng therapy as this has helped me A LOT and is great fo the currently feeling panicy stuff you have. Look at YouTube. All the best.

Mumtothreegirlies · 10/07/2023 00:41

A couple of years ago I went through an awful spell of extreme anxiety. It lasted about 4 months and got to the point I could barely stand up. I would have to get up quickly do a job then go lie back down again and listen to something on my phone like birds singing or rain etc just to try and calm my nervous system down.
it was constant panic attacks sometimes the attacks would wake me in my sleep. I would get them in the supermarket and I would even get them down the beach walking my dog. It was relentless and like hell on earth!!

I then decided to take sertraline and the next day….I was fine! No more panic it was like a miracle cure. So please please try it!! Xx

Eyesopenwideawake · 10/07/2023 10:08

When you feel anxious, can you identify what you're thinking about?

Original poster
Peridot1976 · 10/07/2023 12:05

Eyesopenwideawake · 10/07/2023 10:08

When you feel anxious, can you identify what you're thinking about?

It's hard to identify what I'm thinking about really because it's been relentless now for months and I can't seem to snap out of it at all. There hasn't been a day or even many hours where I haven't felt anxious lately.
As soon as I wake up in the morning I've got the horrible butterfly feeling in my stomach which seems to set off the other symptoms too like the all over tingling and the feeling of dread etc etc. I'm so scared of the symptoms, even though I know deep down that they can't hurt me they overwhelm me so much and always make me feel like something bad is going to happen.
It's like right now I feel like every nerve in my body is tingling/buzzing, especially my left arm, hands and face, my stomach is churning, my scalp feels tight. I keep getting shivers up my back and I feel absolutely exhausted with a horrible feeling of dread. I know I need to accept that it's just anxiety symptoms and that reacting to them makes them worse but I just always seem to react to them with fear and panic

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 10/07/2023 12:10

It could well be that you are so scared of being anxious that you've got into a self fulfilling loop - and because your mind is in turmoil it's telling your body to be on high alert (the fight or flight response), which then worries your mind even more.

Have a look at the Ted X "how not to be anxious about anxiety" on Youtube - I think it will make a lot of sense to you.

Original poster
Peridot1976 · 10/07/2023 12:15

@ClaraBourne @mumtothreegirlies

Thank you for your replies. The Sertraline had been in and out of the drawer so many times since I was prescribed it in April. I've scared myself by reading so many reviews even though most seem to be positive the negative ones have put me off. I need to do something though because I can't carry on like this.
What mg did you start on? Mine are 50mg. Is it best to take them in the morning or at night?
That's mad how you felt better by the next day @Mumtothreegirlies The way you describe how your anxiety was seems very similar to mine. Were you feeling bad all day every day for the 4 months? Xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Peridot1976 · 10/07/2023 12:59

@eyesopenwideawake

I think you're right. I'm definitely stuck in a loop and it's as if all I do is think inwardly or read, watch, Google things about anxiety. I'll check my pulse etc and then think why do I keep doing all of this to myself, but then next thing I'm doing it again.

I've watched the Ted X video before and he does make so much sense. When I watch things like that I do feel better for a bit but soon go back to feeling like this...

OP posts:
Mothertruckin · 10/07/2023 14:24

Maybe try a different type of HRT than the patches? New or increased anxiety can be a symptom of perimenopause.

Eyesopenwideawake · 10/07/2023 14:46

Maybe have a look at my AMA on hypnosis - I trained with Tim so some of it might be familiar!

Original poster
Peridot1976 · 10/07/2023 16:02

Mothertruckin · 10/07/2023 14:24

Maybe try a different type of HRT than the patches? New or increased anxiety can be a symptom of perimenopause.

I have mentioned this but they say my FSH is within normal range so I can't be perimenopausal 🤷🏻‍♀️ The nurse who prescribed me the patches doesn't work there any more. I've always felt worse around time of the month but this is constant now. It does make me wonder if it's hormonal because with my cycles being shorter. I've tracked my periods for a while now and I have my period then it's ovulation time then it's the PMS stage then period again with no break inbetween it all. I cry more than I ever have too and I've never been so itchy but the doctors say that its all anxiety 🤔

OP posts:
Original poster
Peridot1976 · 10/07/2023 16:06

Eyesopenwideawake · 10/07/2023 14:46

Maybe have a look at my AMA on hypnosis - I trained with Tim so some of it might be familiar!

I went for some hypnosis a couple of months ago. The first time was ok but the second time I felt like I was trying to fight off a panic attack. I didn't tell her at the time, I just sat there with my eyes shut trying to breathe through it. I told her afterwards and she said it was because she was making suggestions that my body was trying to fight off?? Does that sound right to you?

OP posts:
Mothertruckin · 10/07/2023 16:20

I'd be surprised if you WEREN'T perimenopausal at 47...... I think at this stage measuring FSH and estrogen levels etc isn't much help in diagnosing it as everything is fluctuating the whole time.

Very definitely worth investigating. I've just started HRT for this very reason.

Eyesopenwideawake · 10/07/2023 16:59

Peridot1976 · 10/07/2023 16:06

I went for some hypnosis a couple of months ago. The first time was ok but the second time I felt like I was trying to fight off a panic attack. I didn't tell her at the time, I just sat there with my eyes shut trying to breathe through it. I told her afterwards and she said it was because she was making suggestions that my body was trying to fight off?? Does that sound right to you?

Show quote history

Can you remember what the suggestions were? I don't use trance - it's not necessary and a lot of people are wary of the feeling of being out of control. It's much more useful when you can hear and see (and feel) exactly what's going on!

ClaraBourne · 10/07/2023 17:43

@Peridot1976 I started on 50mg, started feeling better after a month. Slight dodgy tummy fora few days and a bt of jaw clenching but certainly nothing that made me wish I hadn't started.

Do try the EFT tapping therapy, there is a App called the Tapping Solution I can recommend.

Original poster
Peridot1976 · 10/07/2023 19:07

Thanks @Mothertruckin, I agree that it could be a big part of why I'm feeling like this. Was your anxiety really bad too then? Is the HRT helping?

OP posts:
Original poster
Peridot1976 · 10/07/2023 19:11

@eyesopenwideawake She was talking about overthinking and catastrophising a lot.

What you do sounds very interesting. I did find that I didn't like the trance state very much, especially with being in a strange house and knowing that I'd got to drive home straight after

OP posts:
CourtneyB123 · 10/07/2023 19:15

Hey, if you like the Ted X stuff you should watch "The anxiety guy" on YouTube, he's fantastic! I'm currently doing his health anxiety course. Hope you're okay, you're not on your own x

Original poster
Peridot1976 · 10/07/2023 19:20

@ClaraBourne I don't know what to do about the Sertraline at all. I just feel like I'll start panicking as soon as I've swallowed the tablet and work myself up even more 🙄 Do you drink on yours? I'm not a big drinker but my partner likes us to go out a couple of times a week which I haven't been able to do lately. I'd still like to be able to have 2 or 3 lager and limes or a glass of wine

I've actually got that app on my phone. I haven't subscribed to it but there are a lot of free ones to do aren't there. I should be doing things like that rather than googling my symptoms for the 100th time!

OP posts:
Annaishere · 10/07/2023 19:40

I’ve suffered with stress and anxiety for about 15 years. I was in an abusive relationship for 10 which I’m sure has a lot to do with it but I’ve been thinking it could be something physical, hyperthyroidism for example. At its worst it’s a feeling of intense pressure in my chest and a flood of energy but jittery and uncomfortable, and hyperventilating. I tried a few antidepressants including sertraline, Prozac, mirtazipine which didn’t really help. Citalopram did help but I couldn’t tolerate the side effects. It got to the stage where I had a kind of nervous breakdown last year and was prescribed an antipsychotic and benzodiazepines long term. I feel like a normal person now most of the time.

StarDolphins · 10/07/2023 19:52

I’ve never had anxiety & always loved life.

Then, peri menopause hit & I was a shell, nothing like me. I felt hopeless, scared & cancelled many things as I just wanted to stay home where it was safe. So if it did this to me, I’d be surprised if it wasn’t down to perimenopause for you.

Could you try PMT again?

Tryeveryday · 10/07/2023 22:59

hi. Sorry to hear that you’re in a bad place at the moment. My experience on sertraline was the first 2 weeks it heightened certain symptoms but after that I actually started to have a life again. I know how scary it can be I googled everything and that turned out to be my worst enemy.

Reading, jigsaw puzzles, Lego, colouring I find help. I listen to rain day antiques on YouTube in the evening. I don’t even get 10 minutes in now and I’m fast asleep. I hope things start to improve for you. Give sertraline a go, it’s scary yes, but it could save you’re life like it did mine.

Original poster
Peridot1976 · 10/07/2023 23:14

Annaishere · 10/07/2023 19:40

I’ve suffered with stress and anxiety for about 15 years. I was in an abusive relationship for 10 which I’m sure has a lot to do with it but I’ve been thinking it could be something physical, hyperthyroidism for example. At its worst it’s a feeling of intense pressure in my chest and a flood of energy but jittery and uncomfortable, and hyperventilating. I tried a few antidepressants including sertraline, Prozac, mirtazipine which didn’t really help. Citalopram did help but I couldn’t tolerate the side effects. It got to the stage where I had a kind of nervous breakdown last year and was prescribed an antipsychotic and benzodiazepines long term. I feel like a normal person now most of the time.

It's vile isn't it and no your abusive relationship certainly wouldn't have helped. Have you had blood tests for hyperthyroidism? My blood tests were all ok which reassured me for about 10 minutes but then I just go back to thinking so why do I feel so crappy all the time. This is what anxiety does to us though isn't it...Its cruel! I keep saying to myself that I just need a few days where I don't feel anxious and where I can go out without feeling panicky and then maybe I could get on top of things but every day I get up with the horrible butterflies in my stomach and the feeling of dread and it's there for the rest of the day.
I've asked my doctor for benzos but the answer is always no. They'd probably end up in the drawer with the all other tablets though 🙄 I'm glad you're feeling better than you were

OP posts:
Original poster
Peridot1976 · 10/07/2023 23:23

@StarDolphins
Aww thats awful how it hit you like that. It's punishing isn't it. I was really hoping that the patches would work for me but I didn't feel any improvement at all. I only stayed on them for a month but when I took my last patch off I spent the rest of the night throwing up which I thought was really weird.
I think I would try HRT again but the doctors don't seem to want to give it to me because they say I'm not peri 🤔 I bought some Ashwagandha because I heard that's good for peri/anxiety etc but I daren't even take them. I think I must have a medication phobia...

Did you go on HRT to help with your peri/anxiety?

OP posts:
Annaishere · 10/07/2023 23:29

I had to specifically ask for thyroid function test as it wasn’t included in the basic blood screen. It came back as underactive rather than hyper, but the results could be muddled because the Olanzapine I was on can cause hypothyroidism. So I want to get it redone after I’ve been off them for a while. It’s really difficult to get benzos off a GP. I ended up getting them from a psychiatrist. I actually said, I don’t want to buy them online anymore and they gave me them. I hope this is transient for you and that you recover

StarDolphins · 10/07/2023 23:31

Peridot1976 · 10/07/2023 23:23

@StarDolphins
Aww thats awful how it hit you like that. It's punishing isn't it. I was really hoping that the patches would work for me but I didn't feel any improvement at all. I only stayed on them for a month but when I took my last patch off I spent the rest of the night throwing up which I thought was really weird.
I think I would try HRT again but the doctors don't seem to want to give it to me because they say I'm not peri 🤔 I bought some Ashwagandha because I heard that's good for peri/anxiety etc but I daren't even take them. I think I must have a medication phobia...

Did you go on HRT to help with your peri/anxiety?

I didn’t go on HRT but I went to the Drs & said I need something as I was so sad, anxious & hopeless & getting no joy out of life at all. She put me on the pill, it helped for a good while but I took myself off that & now I just take Menopace Max (the one with the red clover) & I feel so much better. Took well over a month to work but I’m actually enjoying getting out, meeting friends etc now. Peri menopause really alters your mind.

I don’t know how they can say you’re not peri, you’re prime age for it! I started at 40 & Suffered up until 48 I would say so I’ve felt more like me for a year. I would go babk to your GP.

I hope you get sorted, anxiety and peri is a total nightmare.