Do you ever just feel like giving up?

[SuccessfullyFailing]

Just that really.

My childhood was horrendous with biological mother and step father (think all forms of abuse). ‘Rescued’ by biological father which then continued with emotional abuse.

Had my own children young.

Went no contact with biological father and siblings for the sake of my sanity.

Now feeling what a terrible person and mum I truly must be.

My poor children being brought into a world where money is non existent, no stable home (private rent).

I feel like I have selfishly failed them.

What if the family were better off without me and I deserved / brought everything on myself.

I feel like the world would be a better place without me and my children would stand a better chance of a life of happiness and success.

I’m so sorry you have had such a hard start in life. The private rent situation in the UK is awful. Would it be worth moving to another part of the UK where they have availability of housing association rental homes?

Ive had a really tough few years and what has gotten me through has been to focus on one small thing at a time and fix it. So, childcare was a massive issue for me. I put my 3 children in one bedroom and got an au pair. My ex husband was ridiculously rude to her so now, no more shared childcare and I am on the search for another au pair.

I feel like the world would be a better place without me and my children would stand a better chance of a life of happiness and success

If you decide to kill yourself it's very likely one or more of your children will at least attempt the same at some point.

Life is as it is. All you can do is keep is going and see if there's anything you can do that might improve the situation.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources: www.mumsnet.com/webguide/mental-health. You can also go to www.samaritans.org or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.
We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.
We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

Now feeling what a terrible person and mum I truly must be.

Actually you are the complete opposite. You had the worst possible start in life, through ABSOLUTELY no fault of your own and yet you've manage to raise your own children and protect them from what you went through. That makes you a wonderful mother. As long as your children have a mother who loves and cares for them they will be fine.

If you leave them they will never, ever, recover.

I would never want to leave my children and it breaks my heart that they would ever get to feeling that way because of my actions.

It doesn’t stop the physical pain in my chest and the yearn to stop this heavy fog chipping away at me.

I finally reached the top of the waiting list for some intense therapy.

I just need to see a small glimpse of a better future and I hope I make it.