Don't know how to deal with this situation

[Whichwhatnow]

For context, my parents' are travellers so I've had a weird upbringing. I have a job now which is very well paid and VERY hard won.

I'm in mental health crisis and don't know how to deal. I've been contemplating the knives in the kitchen. Already covered in self harm scars. My husband knows I feel like this but has just chipped off to get drunk again with his mates. I'm covered with bruises to the extent I've not only had paramedics round but they've referred me to police without my consent because the bruising is so bad.

I just don't know what to do.

I hate 'be kind' because women have no such obligation. But in your responses please don't put me down.

What the bruises from OP?
Have you hurt yourself?
You need MH support and it sounds like your family can’t or won’t help, how about your GP?

Please move away from the knives. Are the bruises from you or your husband?

You need a crisis intervention? Do you have a CPN?

Do you have a friend you can call on for support. You could section yourself if you need it to access help, I think. Look after yourself. 💐🤗

He is abusive in my sleep if I snore or turn over or do anything to annoy him. He punishes me for anything I do 'wrong'

You deserve not to feel like this op that means you deserve support. If you feel like you can't keep yourself safe then you can go to a and e, they will prioritise you because your mental health matters. If you feel you can stay safe tonight, then go to the gp first thing tomorrow and ask for an urgent referral to the community mental health team for assessment. They'll be able to create a support package for you if you don't have the means to get private support yourself. If the bruising is from your husband you can go to womens aid, they'll find you somewhere safe to stay and help you get all set up with a new fresh start away from him. It sounds like you've worked so hard to create a good life for yourself taking the steps to keep yourself safe is an important step towards being able to enjoy that good life. Will you be safe around your husband when he gets back from drinking with his friends?

I actually tried and it's not that easy to get sectioned (I have been a few times now but in suicide situations) but thank you x

You need to get away from him. Ring a women's aid helpline. www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/

It sounds like the first step to improve your mental health would be to get rid of your husband.

Do you have DC?

Ah sweetie you need help now.
Stay here with us.

Are you still around @Whichwhatnow?

Evening.
We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Mental Health page
We wish you the very best OP

Prayers for you to be kind to yourself and strength to carry on and change your circumstances..

Your upbringing has nothing to do with the abuse.

You do know what to do. You have to end the relationship. What comes into your mind as a barrier to doing that?