Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I don’t think I will ever understand 😭😭( trigger warning - suicide )

42 replies

Nervouswreck25 · 02/06/2023 22:06

I’m sorry I just can’t get my head around what has happened is it my fault.
My Daughter’s dad died 2 years ago due to Ill health - we was not together at the time but it effected me a lot.

me and my partner fell out end of April after there was some incidences regarding finances / lies / manipulation and control.
since the it had been non stop
parcels arriving at the door, long letters, destroying my friendships, hacking social media accounts / some really off key sort of stuff.
he has a child who he has custody off and today I received a 7 page suicide note of a 2 week planned suicide to land on the day of the anniversary of my daughters dad death.
he sent it to me through Royal Mail it was 7 pages of telling me he had only wanted a second chance and how he chose the date so I would never forget.
he had gone through with it and now I’m so lost and Confused. It’s been released to media now and I just don’t know what I could of done differently
😭😭😭😭

OP posts:
anonymousproblem · 02/06/2023 22:11

Sorry just trying to get my head around this. So your partner has written you a suicide note to arrive on the anniversary of your exes death, but has gone through with it and ended his life? Have I read that correctly?
either way, you could not have done anything differently. This is devastating news and I hope you get the support you deserve. It’s tragic and I’m so sorry

Original poster
Nervouswreck25 · 02/06/2023 22:12

Yes he had already gone through with it by the time the note arrived.

OP posts:
mumtoboys12 · 02/06/2023 22:13

I'm so sorry to read this. None of this is because of you, it's him. Keep strong xxx

anonymousproblem · 02/06/2023 22:13

That’s devastating I’m so incredibly sorry. I have no words. But please do not blame yourself

Sunnyfeelgood · 02/06/2023 22:13

This is not your fault 🧡

PerfectYear321 · 02/06/2023 22:14

What a shock. I'm so sorry- this is awful.

Cerealkillerontheloose · 02/06/2023 22:15

My mums mum committed Suicude and it’s so devastating for the families left behind. My mums guilt from not being able to of stopped her mum (even though she was 3. She thought her mum didn’t love her enough and had carried it for 70 years)

I know how it affects everyone and I want to say I’m always here to talk ♥️

MywobblyBottom · 02/06/2023 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

mumtoboys12 · 02/06/2023 22:16

@MywobblyBottom who is a thick troll????

cryinglaughing · 02/06/2023 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Report rather be downright rude if you have doubts.

anon2022anon · 02/06/2023 22:17

I'm so sorry OP. All I can say is he must have been mentally really, really ill, and you did the right thing IMO in seperating because of your issues. You don't deserve this, you couldnt control his actions, and that is such a cruel, cruel act for him to do to you, and to his child too. I'm so sorry, and I think you should go to the GP and get started down the counselling road ASAP. Please don't blame yourself.

ThereIbledit · 02/06/2023 22:18

It sounds like your ex was being abusive towards you right up until and indeed after he killed himself. What a horrible thing to have happen to you. I hope you get the support you need. xxx

Original poster
Nervouswreck25 · 02/06/2023 22:18

I’m not a troll it’s very genuine I can see why ( knowing mumsnet ) why that would be the assumption.

OP posts:
foxlover47 · 02/06/2023 22:19

This is absolutely awful I'm
So sorry you're going through this. Please make sure you have support around you , this is absolutely not your fault at all

Astromelia · 02/06/2023 22:19

I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be mean - do you mean that he actually has died? Is that what is in the media?

If so then of course it is not your fault, it’s a decision he made. Clearly he was a disturbed and dangerous man and it sounds like you were very wise to end the relationship. It’s awful of course that he has died. But it sounds very much like any interpersonal problem could have been the trigger - he didn’t have the skills to cope with being in an adult relationship with someone he couldn’t control. That’s his pathology and you could never have done anything to change it.

He was a bad person and you were not at fault.

I’m so sorry. Please get some support - family and friends, DV survivors charity, GP. It must be so upsetting for you.

mumtoboys12 · 02/06/2023 22:20

Gosh there are some horrible people on here. 😢 stay strong OP xxxx

PatientZorro · 02/06/2023 22:22

How awful, I’m so sorry OP.
Im another one who wants to stress this is not your fault X

Justcallmebebes · 02/06/2023 22:22

"me and my partner fell out end of April after there was some incidences regarding finances / lies / manipulation and control."

This was another act of manipulation and control, albeit an extreme one. This is not on you at all. His choice and a consequence of his actions. Feel sympathy for him, but none of this was your fault

Original poster
Nervouswreck25 · 02/06/2023 22:22

@Astromelia my friend has driven up to collect us for the weekend.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 02/06/2023 22:25

OP,

Wishing you strength.

This is NOT your load to carry.

Kindly meant, wish him good luck and keep yourself safe.

This is not your load. Sent him forth with good wishes.

My condolences to you.

This is very hard, but not your responsibility

MNHQ
ImaniMumsnet · 02/06/2023 22:26

Evening OP,
We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Mental Health page.
Very best wishes from all at MNHQ Flowers

Mental Health Webguide | Mumsnet

A guide to information and services related to mental health support. Find reliable organisations and support services here.

https://www.mumsnet.com/i/mental-health-webguide

Lostinplaces · 02/06/2023 22:26

He was clearly a vile and disturbed person. You have a right to be very angry with him. The guilt you feel is misplaced and created by his awful manipulation and abuse warping your thinking. This is not your fault in any way, shape or form.

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 02/06/2023 22:27

You poor poor thing, it's not your fault ❤ he was clearly a very very unwell man.

What he did to you was also very cruel, and extremely manipulative. I expect you have an awful lot of conflicting emotions. It is OK to be rageful, angry, sad and confused.

My heart goes out to you and your daughter, I am so sorry xx

thefirstmrsrochester · 02/06/2023 22:29

This was not your fault ❤️