Recovering from Psychosis and managing symptoms

[NotQuiteUsual]

First things first I have professionals working with me(as much as is possible, MH support is hard to come by and half of them have been lying about me).

I'm trying to recover from Psychosis, I'm trying so hard. Everyday I'm trying to push myself back to normality a little further. I'm taking breaks, keeping up with medication, taking exercise, keeping busy. Doing everything I've been told to do. But it's been months and I'm still not me again.

The hardest part is knowing my daughter isn't my daughter anymore. Everyone has told me she is. They say it's just a symptom and it's not true, but even if they say it's not true it is true to me. I hide that I know from it, because if everyone else is right and I'm wrong the consequences would be unthinkable, plus no one else can tell anyway right? So if I say anything suddenly I'm the bad guy, not it. It's like she's there and totally normal but I know it's not her and I can't get her back. But in expected to just carry on like normal by everyone. I can't do it! I don't see the MH people till Friday and I don't trust them anyway. The Crisis team are awful and liars. My GP even agreed they lied, so it's not just one of those things I know differently from everyone else.

I feel like I'm falling apart and no one will help. Has anyone else recovered from Psychosis, how long did it take??

OP that must be an awful feeling, but please know it is only how you feel... it is not the truth.

Please contact your team and let them know you're spiralling. You may need a change in your meds etc.

How old is your child? Is someone supporting them?

She knows my MH is bad and that's why I'm acting off. But I don't treat her differently from the other two. I just pretend I don't know, then in moments of weakness I can't surpress it and hide in my room. DH is looking after the kids. I just want to be me again. It takes so much work acting ok. I tell the MH people I see what's going on and all they do is say I'm tired. Then they send me somewhere else for an assessment. They've been assessing me for two months. No treatment. I just want to get better, but they just more hoops. I jump through every hoop and then they just give me more. They just try to catch you out so they can stop 'helping' and discharge you. Or they tell you that you're tired and ignore what you say.

As soon as they know I'm not suicidal or self harming they don't care.

No treatment

but in your first post you outlined taking medication, breaks exercising. Has there been other treatment discussed that has materialised yet?

I’ve got to be honest, you sound really unwell to me. Have you talked to your dh about it?

You think what exactly about your daughter?

My mum is currently going through a psychotic episode so I have skin in this game.

Sorry you're experiencing this. I'm currently under EIP, are you engaged with them?

I also have delusions which they try and tell me aren't correct, but to me, they are. The hallucinations are pretty tough, too.

I'll be honest, they've told me that they can't say for sure if this is something that will go or whether I'll have to live with it.

All I can't suggest is engage with the service and give it your all. I'm having DBT therapy and take medications, I think it's mostly about having strategies to deal with things.

Sending you best wishes.

*can suggest!

The GP put me on antidepressants when all this kicked off and referred me to the MH people I see. It's all a bit of a blur though, I know I've spoken to lots of people, but I don't always know who or why. When I go for the endless assessments they always give me that usual vague advice and tell me they'll give me proper treatment once I've been assessed. But every time they assess me, they want to do another assessment. They're doing a six week assessment at the minute. It's just endless hoops.

I'm not going to talk about what's replaced her. I don't want it being used against me by them in the future.

I'm guessing that's the focus of your delusion? Nothing else?

My mum has fixated on one particular idea as well.

My sister has withdrawn from the whole family and no one knows where she is. She has been diagnosed with schizo affective disorder for a few years. She won't take medication and moves from air bnb to air bnb every few days and country to country. She believes we can read her mind and we won't admit it. It's tough

What medications are you taking exactly? Antidepressants will not stop the delusions, you need and anti psychotic?

I've been asking for antipsychotics for over a month, but because they're still assessing me they won't give me any. I think they think I'm faking, or they just want to see how bad I get before I become a risk to people.

I've improved so much though, I'm having a really bad day today. But a few weeks ago I couldn't of typed so much out on a bad day. I just want my reality to become the same as everyone else's.

I'm taking venlafaxine and only 75mg but the GP that actually wants to help said I need a psychiatrist for the meds stuff really. The MH people say the psychiatrist will send an appointment out to me. But it never happens, I wouldn't be surprised if it's just another lie. I see the MH people on Friday. Having to fight for every bit of help is exhausting. I really want to get better, but it feels like they're actively trying to make it harder.

I know it feels like this now but there is help out there. Doll where about are you based? There should be a MH crisis team in your area.

I've dealt with the crisis team a few times and they're no good. They make you wait for hours to see them and by then I've calmed down enough I'm not on the edge. Then they talk at you and tell you you're tired and then they say you're not in crisis and leave with no follow up.

I told them about the hallucinations I was having and they kept telling me they weren't hallucinations it was tiredness. I told them about the auditory hallucinations about how I felt like the NHS had a black mark on my file which stopped them treating me. I was so open which was so difficult to do and they lied on their discharge letter. To the point my GP immediately called me after recieving it because she could tell it was nonsense. I am desperate for help and there just isn't any unless you're violent. I just want my daughter back and to stop being able to perceive higher dimensions. I'll take any medication, do any therapy. But they won't let me.

The crisis team made me stay up till 1am and then they told me my symptoms were due to tired was since I was up so late. They told me to stay up late FFS. So either the crisis team is just not fit for purpose or they're infiltrated.

Have you considered trying to find an advocate? Resources are thin on the ground but you don’t know until you try. https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/advocacy/finding-an-advocate/ or your GP might be aware of what’s available local to you.

It’s not right but I do think that healthcare interactions can be very different with other people present who are on your side.

This struck a memory of something I read about a while ago called Capgras Syndrome.

You do need to speak to your MH team about what you are thinking and how you are feeling so that they know what is happening and can best help you.

cpdonline.co.uk/knowledge-base/mental-health/what-is-capgras-syndrome/

Just an update, I saw a psychiatrist today. He diagnosed me with depressive psychosis. I've started on new medication. I also managed to go back to work this week on a phased return. It's nice to see people again. I've been given Diazepam for if I get too upset about my daughter. He said it's all in my head and the medication will make me doubt how I feel about the situation about her. I want to forget so I hope so.

That's good your getting somewhere, I take quetiapine and diazepam and felt this is a big help. Hopefully you see a big improvement in your MH soon take care

It’s great that you’re able to work with an actual diagnosis now and that you’re managing some time at work.

I’m rooting for you

Thank you both! It's been a tough few days but any change is good since I was so bad before. I'm so ridiculously exhausted. I've been an anxious mess starting aripiprazole so the diazepam has helped.

I'm back to full days next week, I'm really truly hoping it works. The routine is helpful and I love my colleagues.

Rough day today. I stupidly did something Saturday morning and Sunday afternoon. Then we had unexpected visitors. Plus the kids are ill. I got really bad urges to hurt myself. I managed not to, I fought against the urges so much it hurt, but I didn't cut myself. I got scared my husband was going to kill our daughter because she's a fake when he took the sharp scissors to hide them. But he didn't. She's alive and ok and none of the kids know I felt like that. They still don't know the extent of how I am. I'm so proud I've been able to protect them from most of this.

But my DH says I can't go back to work tomorrow. I really wanted too. But I'm not well enough. I really wanted to be better.

It’s going to take time@NotQuiteUsual, don’t be too hard on yourself.

You’ve had a bad day and it sounds like you’ve handled it really well. Tomorrow is a new day.

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a challenging time. Recovering from psychosis can vary greatly from person to person, and there is no fixed timeline for recovery. It's important to continue working with mental health professionals you trust, even if it's difficult to find the right ones. Sharing your concerns and experiences openly with them can help them understand your perspective better and provide more effective support. Additionally, seeking support from trusted friends, family, or support groups can also be beneficial. Remember, everyone's journey is unique, and with time and the right support, it is possible to regain a sense of normality and well-being.

Thank you for the supportive messages. It's such a crap thing to go through. I'm working so hard but it's constantly backwards and forwards progress. I'm back off work as I had a nasty turn at the weekend and attempted self harm. I got my period yesterday and there seems to be a huge link between my symptoms and my period. It's like my brain is swirling water and I have to pluck the thoughts out of it.

I want the routine of work so much. But I need to be able to handle day to day I suppose before I can manage it. My daughter is off school sick today and yesterday. I managed to look after her and show sympathy and affection really well. I feel like now the aripiprazole is in my system the tiny bit of doubt about how it could still be her is easier to cling to. And maybe whatever she is now needs a mother too. Like I might never find my real daughter, but hopefully wherever her soul actually went, they're loving and caring for her too.

I really like my Psychiatrist because he he laughed with me about how cliche a family members delusions of grandeur were(thought they were Jesus) my MH nurse is great too. He doesn't judge, the fact he thought that the part of my suicide plan to pick the nicest bridge in town was funny and first for his patients, made me feel so at ease. Like he sees me as a person, not a bomb that needs defusing. The strain on DH is hard to watch though. I can't force myself better, everyone says I'm doing everything right. But it's hard for him. He can't sleep because I had intrusive thoughts about driving off to Scotland forever in the night and he's afraid I will. I can't touch knives right now, so he has to do everything with knives. I just want his life to be easier and nicer.