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Original poster

Have just found out my mum has cancer

39 replies

amynSaintnixmum · 08/12/2004 10:36

My mum found a lump in her breast a couple of months ago and yesterday evening - after weeks of waiting - we found out that she has cancerSad. I am so scared and angry I just dont know what to do with myself. Everyone keeps pointing out that the survival rate for breast cancer is high and that she'll probably be fine and I know that they are probably right but I am feeling very wobbly at the moment. Sometimes it feels as if everything comes at once and I really dont feel like I can cope with it all. In october my sister had to take a greivence against the company she works for for sexual discrimination (amongst other things). Last week all the internal investigations were completed and the result went against her. She is now faced with taking this huge multi-national company to court and is so stressed about it all that she has had to be signed off work and given valium. Also in October my 4 year old ds was excluded from school for the first time, he was then excluded again in november and is still only doing one hour a day in school (two adults and him out of the classroom) and this will continue after xmas. And now to top it all off the lump we had all convinced ourselves was benign turned out to be malignant.

OP posts:
pinkmama · 08/12/2004 10:39

God, that is awful. Not suprised you are feeling wobbly. How is your mum doing? Really sorry, not sure what to say, but thinking of you.

catgirl · 08/12/2004 10:41

am so sorry to read this, sending you hugs, hope you can continue to be strong for those around you and also that you have someone you can lean on when you need it.xx

NomDePlumPudding · 08/12/2004 10:44

How terrible Sad, I really feel for you. I know it's a bit of a cliche but those people who have told you about survival rates are right.

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 08/12/2004 10:44
Original poster
amynSaintnixmum · 08/12/2004 10:45

Thanks Pinkmama. My mum is surprisingly calm about it all. After she found out yesterday afternoon she went back to work. She is a teacher and said she wanted to talk to her colleagues whilst the children werent there. My poor dad is in absolute bits though. He rang me when he was nearly home yesterday evening and just kept breaking down as he was talking to me. He kept apologising for crying and it broke my heart to hear him. I have never heard him cry like that before. Thankfully because my sister has been signed off she has come to stay for a few days so he wasn't alone when he got home and she was there to talk to him and hold him.

OP posts:
ladyrobinredbreast · 08/12/2004 10:47

Omg what an awful time you are having

pinkmama · 08/12/2004 10:49

I find hearing my dad cry heartbreaking, it must be terrible for you all. What is the next step? Cling on to each other, it sounds like you are a close family

OnZephyrstdayofXmas · 08/12/2004 10:52

((((((((hugs&prayers))))))))

Original poster
amynSaintnixmum · 08/12/2004 10:54

We are a very close family which is why we have all been so affected by each others problems. The next step for mum is she has to go and have the lump and surrounding tissue removed as well as some of the lymph to check if the cancer has spread. This will probably happen just after xmas. Then when the wound is healed she will have radiotherapy 5 days a week for 6 weeks (I think this is right I was in a bit of a state yesterday when my mum was explaining). After that I'm not sure. I guess it will be a case of waiting to see if it comes back.

OP posts:
SantaFio2 · 08/12/2004 10:56

I am so sorry {{{{{{{{}}}}}}}

you really sound like you are going through the mill atm. Dont be scared to go to the doctors yourself if you need to. I hope your mum will be given a good prognosis although i know how you feel. cancer is such a scarey word.

pinkmama · 08/12/2004 10:57

It sounds a bit naff, but your love for each other will get you through this. It may be of no consilation, but my friend was here last night, and we were discussing how her mum finishes her radiotherapy in two weeks, and how well she is doing. They too thought the worst when breast cancer was diagnosed, but so far so good. Just remember you are probably in shock, so be kind to yourself and take it easy

ladyrobinredbreast · 08/12/2004 11:01

its good that you are a close family as you will be able to help and strenghten each other,feel for you all this is a traumatic thing and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.xxxx

Original poster
amynSaintnixmum · 08/12/2004 11:02

Thanks for all the supportSmile I have already been to the doctors as I have been so stressed about the situation with ds. I have betablockers to help calm me down and I am also taking kalms. They seem to help a bit and I definately sleep better when I take them. I am trying hard to stay positive but it just seems that everytime I start getting to grips with one problem another arrives to knock me back again.

OP posts:
SantaFio2 · 08/12/2004 11:11

I really feel for you amynix :( It is awful when things seem to go continually wrong and there is never a light at the end of the tunnel so speak. You feel when you are getting back up someone is kicking you down again. I am really pleased you have gone to the gp's, that is a really good step for you to take.

snowvary · 08/12/2004 11:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TumbleflumpDancingBum · 08/12/2004 11:28

amynSaintnixmum - words cannot express how much, I am sure everyone is thinking of you at this moment in time, take one step and one day at a time, take time out for your self and do deep breaths when you feel things are going too fast, everything will work the way it is supposed to..love and best wishes xx

Original poster
amynSaintnixmum · 08/12/2004 11:30

Thanks so much for all the hugs and support - it really helps to be able to talk to people. Thanks for those links snowvary.

OP posts:
StuffTheMagicTurkey · 08/12/2004 11:35

So sorry to hear this, what a difficult time you are having.

My aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer about three years ago. She had a lumpectomy and (I think) follow up radiotherapy. She has been fine ever since, takes a drug called tamoxifen? which I think is to help stop the cancer returning. Plus she has a 6 monthly mammogram.

Just thought I'd post a positive story related to cancer, I know it can feel so scary.

JanH · 08/12/2004 12:03

Another positive story for you - I found a lump myself almost exactly 4 years ago. There turned out to be 2; I had a lumpectomy, 6 months of chemo and 4 weeks of radiotherapy. Still here, still doing fine, now signed off from regular oncology check-ups and just having 6-monthly breast clinic ones and an annual mammogram.

I'm so sorry this has come on top of all your other worries, and I remember how anxious my family felt when we first found out. Like your mother I was quite calm, it was just something to be got through - I think it is actually harder for everybody else to deal with. I hope she is lucky too. Hugs.

GingerBells · 08/12/2004 12:09

hugs.
My friend was 32 when she found her lump. I cried for a week. She was quite calm about it but her husband was in pieces and I am glad I was there to support him. She is clear now, and looking forward to her 40th birthday this year.

There have been other similar threads - there are a couple of good websites where you can get all the facts and support. I will have a look.

Hulababy · 08/12/2004 12:10

(((hugs))) Really sorry about your news. Thinking of you. Really hope all turns out well.

ItllBeLonelymumThisChristmas · 08/12/2004 12:11

So sorry. This must be on everyone's lists of nightmares. And just before Christmas too and on top of your other family worries. Can't think of anything to say, but try to stay strong for your mum and dad, and think positively. I firmly believe a positive outlook helps as much as anything else.

SantaClausfrau · 08/12/2004 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hollybet · 08/12/2004 12:15

My freinds mum has jsut had her breast off and after the op was told that she needed no other treatment, she is doing great there are so many success stories on here and in the 'real world' - please take heart from them. Sending you loads of hugs and prayers.

Thecattlearemerloting · 08/12/2004 12:17

We went through this last year with my mum. The word `cancer' is just so scary isnt it?

My mum had the surgery, radiotherapy and chemotherapy, none of which were pleasant - she was particularly anxious about the chemo (I didnt even know that it was a type of dr*g therapy I thought you sort of got zapped (more like radiotherapy) iykwim!) - but in the event it wasnt anywhere near as bad as she thought it would be.

She has just been given the all clear (smile) and is on tamoxifen too.

Best of luck and love to you all