Please help me put this into perspective: I don't know what to think.

[lucyellensmum]

I'm not sure this is the right place to really post this, but this is where i post when im feeling down so it saves me repeating all of the history (but please post your two pence worth even if you are not familiar).

After the loveliest weekend i can remember for a long time, DP and I took DD to the animal park on saturday, she had a party to go to on Sunday, which meant DP had two hours to himself, something he rarely gets. Everything was just lovely - i was walking on air. The weather was lovely and yesterday i had a lovely day with DD. Now its all gone wrong again. In less than a minute i am back in a black hole and ive had enough.

Ive been depressed, im on medication. DP and i are under alot of financial strain but we are surviving and i am trying to take positive steps to sort things out. It would help if i got a bit of co operation from DP though (for instance, we cannot find DDs birth cert, i need to buy a new one, i keep asking DP to phone and do it with his card, but he still hasn't done it - ive been asking for three weeks - so now decided to borrow the money from my mum and trek over there on the bus to order it in person - 10 mile journey!!). But slowly we are getting there and DP is more positive about the business but it is just so up and down.

This morning, DP totally flew off the handle at me, we had to put drops in DDs (2.5) eyes, so that was never going to be easy, although to be fair, she was brilliant. But DP got really stressed because he was late for work (not my fault) and said, cant we just leave it (er, no. they are anti biotics and she has conjunctivitis!!). I said to him that he was being unfair, after we had done the drops - and he lost his temper and called me a C"^*! Its only a word but it was the temper behind it that upset me. I just withdrew into myself and tried not to push things. Told him to go to work and to forget about it.

He has apologised and given me a cuddle and said he is stressed about money AGAIN. He has just rung me while im posting this and said he has had an almighty row with one of his suppliers and he lost his temper and stormed off without what he needed (more stress - although i had to laugh, my DP is a short arse but stocky, but he said that the guy was over six foot and a skin head and was shitting himself!!) That is actually completely out of character for my DP, he is NEVER even rude to people.

So now i feel guilty, i feel that i shouldnt have said anything to him, that i should get a job, bla bla bla bla bla. I am happy when he is happy, the minute he is stressed then i plummit into this spiral of depression. I have to ask myself, is it me? Is it really me? Or is (and it rips my guts out to post this) our relationship over? I love him so much, but this is like a cycle, its predictable and repetitive. Even yesterday when i felt so good, i remember thinking i would post a positive message on the citalopram thread about the lovely weather and keeping positive, but i stopped myself because i knew that soon enough i would be sat here posting something in this vein.

Is it me? Whats going on? Is it him? Please dont call him a wanker or a selfish twat - he is being a fuckwit, but he is doing his best. But really, how much more of this can i take?

Get the fingers pulled out then girl!

Do you have an adult advice centre near you? Or even a job centre? They will be only too happy to make an appointment for you to go & have a chat about your career. You have a phd for goodness sake!

Have you went on your local univeristy website & looked if they have any vacancies for people with your quals? Usually the jobs are advertised on the website

And if you've no success there how about scouring the local papers, just to see what's available. MAybe for the time being you might have to accept something lower paid & meant for someone not as highly qualified as you are, but it would break you in gently to the workforce & get you used to being out of the house again... then you will conquer the world armed with your phd when L is at school!!!!

They are my dreams too.. I am almost finished my degree & the thought of going out into the workplace scares the shit out of me!! I actually get a flippy tummy when I think of it!

Now, what's the plans for today? I am going to get a bit more work for uni done, then get ds at 12. Then come home, out the ironing away & get dd at school at 2. The home, more work, sort dinner & more uni work & then off out to aerobics at 8! Would it help if you planned your days like this??

We're not in council housing..

My dh is self employed.

Last year my dh earned 16,000 & we still got tax credits! So you're missing out there!!

You really need to talk to someone about the cash you're not getting! I'm not even sure if you will get back payment for dd's child benefit as she's over one.

Can you call CAB & make a few inquiries?

I know £16,000 isn't a lot of money to a lot of people on mn, but we are in a very rual area where the cost of living is not high. We built our own home on family land & we are not big spenders.

WOS i think ive just worked out who you are! Not in RL obviously - anyway, i will check later, just for my own self satisfaction - god im such a muppet

Anyway, ive just phoned DP given him the number of the registry office and told him to order the certificate NOW!!! Will sit with him tonight and fill out the forms - dont you just love that! So, thats a start at least.

I think i would just like a nice gentle intro back to work - might see whats going. Childcares an issue, but enough excuses hey.

Back bone is growing - you one scary lady But thankyou, sometimes i need scaring

LEM is smiling now

big about the house on land - its one of our little pipe dreams Oh well, onwards and upwards, and as my hero always says, This time next year rodney, this time next year!!!!

Aw, do you feel a bit better now?

Hopefully you do.

Look, I'm lucky to have 4 very good sisters who speak as they find. I do straight talking, it works for me. Looks like it does for you too

Don't be

We've no skirting boards or door frames... or even a set of front steps yet! You know what they say about being married to a cobbler & not having any shoes!!

my house is exactly the same, DP is a carpenter - need i say more!! thanks again

Just got back from lunch. Hope you didn't think I was being bossy.

When DH and I started our family we always knew one of us would stay at home with the child/ren. It was decided it would be me as DH's job paid enough for us to live on whereas mine wouldn't.

It is family money, earned by both of us. I hear what you are saying about credit rating but you need to start something off financially otherwise you won't build up a good credit score.

I really need to get my meds altered, im sure it is the fact that they are not quite right that means i react so badly - Its not right to still be feeling shit over something stupid that happened this morning. AND DP has now ordered the birth certificate, paid the mortgage and apologised to supplier for throwing 3M length of steel at him . But anyway, my doctor is on maternity leave as of yesterday. I tried to get appointment with her locum, but because my doctor has taken three weeks holiday to start her mat leave, the locum wont be starting until three weeks. There are other doctors but they are going to fob me off with "go and see your own doctor/locum" Im also worried i wont like the locum - what a mess

If you only have £6000 pa income, you should be getting tax credit for sure. The tax credits should be backdated at least for this tax year, so if you get organised you could be looking at a cheque for £1500 or more. Quite possibly more, but I don't want to get your hopes up too much. The forms are a pain, but say to yourself, I'll just GET the forms, then the next day, I'll just fill in the names and addresses bit, and little by little you will get there.
Plus your child benefit.
Think how much easier some things would be with a bit of cash coming in.
I know it's hard to do financial stuff if you're not used to it and feeling low, but I'd advise get a bank account of your own, even if just for the Child benefit. Then you've got that bit of money so you don't have to be pestering DH for odds and ends.

will they backdate the tax credits for a year??? I thought it was only three months as this is what they do for child benefit?

My tax credit correction was backdated for over a year, but it's a bit different because I was claiming all the time, but I was getting the minimum and should have been getting the maximum. For a brand new claim it might not be so good. But we are nearing the end of this tax year, so if the claim gets in before April, it may be possible to backdate for the whole of 07/08.

My tax credit correction was backdated for over a year, but it's a bit different because I was claiming all the time, but I was getting the minimum and should have been getting the maximum. For a brand new claim it might not be so good. But we are nearing the end of this tax year, so if the claim gets in before April, it may be possible to backdate for the whole of 07/08.

As usual it posts twice. Honestly my finger's not that heavy.