Suicidal thoughts

[youarenumberfiveinthequeue]

I don’t know if it would be the best way out. I’d be leaving my sister - we haven’t got either of our parents and she has severe ASD and relies on me.

I keep thinking through what I’d do and when and how.

I’m not sure what else to do. Things feel too big for me to sort now, I’m too tired and scared. But then I keep thinking of when I phone my sister and we have fun, and I don’t want to hurt her, but I don’t know what else to do.

I am trying to get real life help, I’m on hold to 111.

I'm glad you are on the phone to get real life help, that is very brave of you. Keep talking on here in the meantime. It sounds like you have a lovely sister and you both have a lovely relationship. Try not to think of anything that needs "sorting" now, it's not important, and the middle of the night will make it seem worse than it is. Look after yourself.

Someone’s answered the phone and said they’ll get a mental health nurse.

I don’t want to let people down but I’m so overwhelmed with things that I just need it all to stop.

Crisis team are going to ring me before 7.

Hey OP. Hope you’re still there. Did the nurse call yet?
Keep hold of those thoughts of your sister. It sounds like you have an amazing relationship and I hope that gives you reason to get through this.
When things feel overwhelming, I try to break them down into the tiniest pieces. Tiny steps are achievable even when everything together feels too much, but every tiny step helps you move forward. I hope you give you and your sister chance to take those tiny steps. But, for tonight, let someone else take the burden. Talk to the nurse. Talk to us on here. You aren’t alone.
You can get through this, even if you can’t see the way right now.

Crisis teams are great, they helped me when I felt like you. It can pass, focus only on the tiny things, as a pp said. Wash your hands with nice soap, make a cup of tea. Do things slowly and notice how you can accomplish small things when you slow it all down. Request diazepam to help, it will help. Find something you like in your home, a book, an item, a photo, keep these things together and visible. Speak to Samaritans.org for help in meantime, if you need. You can find some calm and see through this phase.

Hello @youarenumberfiveinthequeue, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way. It sounds like you've reached out for real life help, which is brilliant. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well, as you've done.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected] - we're also going to move your thread over to our Mental Health topic now.

Take care OP and we'll be rooting for you.