I am actually a knob.

[smurfgirl]

I had to go to A&E for self harm last night.

I am actually the biggest twat alive I think.

I do have help etc - have appointment on Monday, am just so frustrated with myself these days.

No.

I do tend to plan it but there we go.

Not sure about triggers it but I was stressed on Friday. I like the damage really.

No.

I do tend to plan it but there we go.

Not sure about triggers it but I was stressed on Friday. I like the damage really.

My appointment got cancelled and it was a bad bad week and I had a shitty driving lesson and it all went a bit shit really = mega cut.

But I was planning something big for ages.

smurfgirl do you think it's only an illness when other people self-harm, but when you do it it's your fault?

Have a look at that, your logic's flawed. You might feel you are choosing to do it, so it's your fault, but choosing to do it suggests illness to me.

Hope I am making some sense.

V.sensible anorak!
I duno - I don't think all self harm is illness, I mean something is there but, I am not sure.

I am 23 ffs - not 12 and pissing round with a compass.

(btw i lurk on your threads and hope you are feeling ok at the moment x)

Thanks

It's def an illness - even when you do it. It's not that you can't control yourself. It's the fact that you want to do it that shows you are not well emotionally.

You deserve to feel well emotionally just as much as the next person. So please stop blaming yourself. You're not doing this for fun. You're doing it because of some deep inner pain. Admitting to yourself that it's a real illness is one of your steps to untangling your behaviour and replacing it with something healthier for yourself.

Thanks for all the sensible nice replies

I def think it is coping mechanism - i felt better yesterday despite general grimness of it.

I just feel like a knob for not really being able to stop myself.

Getting well from this illness means two things.

1 You find a healthy coping mechanism and cut out the self-harm.

2 You address the things that are making you feel bad enough to self-harm in the first place.

You are not a knob. You are someone with a sensitive heart that has been damaged. If your emotions are damaged it hurts every bit as much as when your legs or your head are damaged. It's not anything to reproach yourself for.