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Original poster

I just told my husband I was suicidal and he pretended I didn’t say anything

36 replies

Jazzhands7 · 25/01/2023 20:31

i don’t what to do, I have been depressed for years. In covid we were forced to move because of house prices. I gave up my job I loved, my community and we had to move very far away. I’ve suffered health issues and as much as I’ve tried to find community and work here I haven’t been able to. I’ve become a shell of a person in the past three years.

I haven’t been sleeping waking up at 2-3pm most nights in tears wishing I wasn’t here anymore can’t get back to sleep. I’ve been contemplating ending it, searching google for the least painful way.

when I told my husband this this morning that I couldn’t cope anymore and I was feeling suicidal and I think moving back to where we came from might help fix it, he pretended like he didn’t hear me even though he was looking straight at me.

I don’t know what to do anymore? I just don’t know what to do?

OP posts:
TempyBrennan · 25/01/2023 22:16

Sasha07 · 25/01/2023 21:37

Breaks my heart reading posts like this. My advice would be little steps. What can you do today (tomorrow) to help yourself. I was you all of last year. This is why I'm saying what I'm going to say.

How logical is it to move back? Would staying with family there (if there's space) for a week or two be feasible? Just to get some mental headspace in a place you're missing. Could also be used as an opportunity to see if there's any places to move to if DH agrees...

I'd personally forget about your DH being a knight in shining armour, doesn't mean he's a shitty person, some people just don't say anything when they don't know what to say. Speak to him again when you feel up to it, break it down to him how much you've changed etc and what you need. It might take him a while to fully digest it, some people get stuck in their ways, their own routines. Either way, nothing is going to happen immediately so this is where the other stuff comes in to it....

So far, you've only fed your mind negative energy. Not intentionally but clearly you're in a bad mental loop. Take some time to sit, find a mindfulness meditation video on YouTube and have a minute, it doesn't take long, just one minute to speak to yourself with some positivity. Imagine how you'd feel if you got the things you want/remember how you felt when things were great for you. Put yourself into that moment. Even if you were in a long lost dark, dingy jail somewhere, the power of imagination is massive. You need to be in survival mode now, you need to be your own hero. Let your mind and body soak in the positive energy. That's all you need to do. Just give yourself a minute daily to break the cycle of misery. No matter how silly you might feel.

If you ever did commit suicide, you will never get the opportunity to 'live' again. Imagine how much can change in one month/one year. You matter, your life is precious, please do not give up on it for a temporary page in your life. There is so much more to it than your daily lifestyle.

Not sure on your health issues, would yoga help? If it's mental, yoga can also take you away from the real world for twenty minutes. When my insomnia was bad, in my yoga class, we'd lie with a weighted eye mask on at the end and I slept every single time 🙈 the yoga helped to relax my body and distract my mind. Perhaps try a weighted eye mask and a meditation podcast thing with earphones in when you wake up through night? The lack of sleep will definitely be having a massive negative impact on you. Atleast it did with me. If your health issues are physical, speak to the doctor and see what can be done. I find (yoga again also, sorry to bang on about the benefits of it) making myself a green tea in the morning and focusing on what I need in that moment helps calibrate myself for the day. Taking vitamins and making smoothies etc, the placebo effect made me feel instantly better.

Sorry for the long post, you asked what can you do. Well, you do you. You spend time healing for the moment. You plan what you can do today to make yourself a little happier. You plan for the future but make now important too. You fix your sleep routine. Try different methods that help you to not instantly think negatively as soon as your eyes open. Love for today and plan for tomorrow, as corny as that sounds. You deserve to live a good life. You are the one who can save yourself. From one who was suicidal and day dreaming constantly of getting on a train and disappearing, I'm speaking to you from the heart, look after yourself. It gets better when we make decide to make it better ❤️

This lady (or gent!) is very insightful.

please, take care of you’re self, small tasks at a time.
sorry your current help isn’t working OP.

un-mumsnetty flowers for you 💐

OrlandointheWilderness · 25/01/2023 22:22

I wish far more of MN was filled with the sort of kindness and empathy displayed by @Sasha07 in that beautiful post.

Original poster
Jazzhands7 · 25/01/2023 22:29

I have no means to support myself

OP posts:
MuggleMe · 25/01/2023 22:34

@Jazzhands7 are you still feeling suicidal? My dh had a breakdown and we called the GP, said he was having a MH crisis and they had the crisis team swoop in and put him on meds and help with the immediate concerns.

I don't think fixating on moving back or now is necessarily going to help you in the next few days. Try to focus on the little tiny positive things like the feel of your child's hug or the sound of birds singing. You can get through this and make changes that are needed when you're strong enough.

MuggleMe · 25/01/2023 22:34

*moving back or not

GeorgeA12 · 25/01/2023 22:42

Hi I know what you are going through, it is so tough. You were happy before and you can be again, it sounds like your situation is a major part of the cause and lack of empathy from those around you. You can change things over time and little steps will help. I had to leave my partner and become a single parent for my happiness to return but this did take a long time and i had a breakdown.

What ever you are feeling, allow it to be felt, dont fight it. Make sure you drink, eat a little and try and get sleep. I had to do lots of stress relieving exercises in bed listening to some audio. Good books are finding peace in a frantic world by Mark Williams (comes with a CD), Control Stress by Paul Mckenna (again with a CD for relaxation) and I found the Power of Now / New Earth by Eckhart Tolle helpful too. Some gentle walks and fresh air if you can manage, and doing some self care something nice for you each day too, whether thats just reading if you can or hot drink, shower. If you can diary as well how you are feeling thats good too and you can look back and see how things were and changed. Hope thats helpful and keep going.

Slobbet · 25/01/2023 23:23

Op please go to the city A&E if you feel close to suicide.

Workinghardeveryday · 25/01/2023 23:58

Such great advice said here.

op, you can change things, deep down you know you can - so do it. You can be happy again, not just make do, actually happy.

xx

Polkadot2023 · 26/01/2023 07:50

How are you today, OP?

Original poster
Jazzhands7 · 08/02/2023 20:20

Better thanks , I’ve seen the Dr.

I’m definitely struggling with mental health issues and working out what meds are going to work for me.

OP posts:
SHAW82 · 06/01/2025 08:35

How are you doing? I came across this as I've been feeling very similar. Told my husband and he never brought it up again. It was the hardest thing, being that vulnerable sharing something like that and then feeling like I didn't matter to the person that should care the most. It's incredibly lonely.

I do find the awful darkest moments pass so I would definitely advocate continually telling yourself this. And speaking to a gp or support line.

It's very hard not feeling in control of your life, or supported when you are so low.

I believe perimenopause is linked to my feelings too. Might be worth exploring and talking to a gp about support if that is relevant for you too.

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