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I hate my head and my life

1 reply

Ihatemyselfsomuchxx · 10/01/2023 00:57

My head is a mess. I'm having a break down while typing this so I'm just gonna ramble

Single parent father not involved, I only have my father who lives 100 miles away up north from me

I didn't have the best upbringing, my mother manipulated me, her family I could never be good enough for them, I've now cut them out for good since my mother died 4 years ago

I have hardly any friends, no one checks up on me really, I have to put a brave face on up school

I suffer with anxiety. Nothing actually triggers it, it's random

I'm trying to get over a man who I thought was the one, I haven't seen him since school over 15 years ago but we were extremely close and I'm pretty sure he strung me along on off since school, he lives 200 miles down south since leaving. I have had to stop speaking to him 6 months ago cos it was too painful, excuse after excuse to not meet up. And would gaslight me.

I haven't got a partner, went on a date last week but he gets short worded sometimes and I felt like I was putting the effort in to arrange things, I stupidly spoke to him about it and now I don't think we're seeing each other again, I realised my life is more peaceful single, so I might just stay single

I walk around with a heavy heart and a headache

I'm trying to find another job as I was on my mother's will so I am living off savings at the moment as my job now doesn't pay for everything. I'm getting interviews but no one is hiring me. I feel worthless.

I'm only here for my daughter. I'm sorry to say that.

I want to run away. But I can't cos of my daughter. I'm in too much emotional pain. I cry in my own a lot.

I hate social media. I hate WhatsApp, I hate wondering why people are ignoring me and never reply. I'm not clingy. I hate wondering why I'm not included in things.

I ask people if they had a good Christmas at work, no one asks me back. I am a smiley person at work, I leave my worries at the door.

I have offered my neighbour some pet food a few months ago cos mine don't eat thst brand and she didn't even say thank you. Just a "well if you're not gonna have it I may as well"

Really fed up. I feel so worthless. I'm sorry.

HopeMumsnet · 11/01/2023 12:10

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you have been feeling low lately, and are pleased to see that you have been offered some lovely support.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.
You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.
We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.
Sending kindest thoughts, go easy on yourself. x

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