Are intrusive thoughts OCD?

[GorgeousLadyofWrestling]

I feel like I am missing the punch line to a horrible joke.

I’ve had intrusive thoughts my whole life. I’m 42 now but in my teens and 20’s, they were unbearable - they would make me physically recoil.

These days I know enough about myself to manage them and can see how they spike when I am stressed. Anxiety has always been an issue and I have been on and off fluoxetine for years, with beta blockers for the heart palpitations that come with anxiety.

Lately I just feel like a total wreck. I’m in a new senior role with a lot of pressure and a CEO that is very critical. I feel vulnerable and exposed - I keep crying and all the things I’m trying to hold down keep bubbling up. And so now I am sabotaging myself and reading things I know I shouldn’t because they will stick in my head.

I just feel like I am complete mess and trying to hold it all together and none of it makes sense.

OCD can cause intrusive thoughts. Refer yourself for counselling and see your GP.

I’m really sorry that this is happening to you. It’s awful when thoughts overtake our daily live.
i have a few suggestions that might help. I am a psychologist.

can you see a psychologist or therapist? Go on the babcp or bps website to find a registered one. They can help you with this. It might only take 6 sessions.

when you have a negative thought use this sentence “I notice I am having the thought that…..xyz” instead on immediately jumping on the thought/ being pulled in by it.

Use a mindfulness app to practice being in the present. This helps with negative thoughts & is very good for anxiety.

can you write down the issues & problems you have & Google “the worry tree” and see which of them are not within your control & focus on those that are?

i would also suggest either taking a longer than planned Xmas break if this is at all possible, or trying to get some leave from work asap. It sounds like you need a break.

Also @GorgeousLadyofWrestling Google ‘Pure O’. There is a lot on line about this but it’s lesser known/ talked about less, partly due to the shame it brings, IME. Take care x

They can be a symptom of OCD although on their own they may not be. OCD can develop as a response to them. (that's my understanding anyway? Not a professional!)

I feel for you - they are horrible. I had intrusive thoughts postnatally but particularly badly after my 3rd child. I used to picture stabbing her, and throwing her off bridges and under cars as I was walking along with her. It was sickening and I couldn't make sense of it.

There are various healthy techniques you can use to try to conquer them and medication can also really help. My top ones are:

Remember they are just thoughts, not reality. Picture winning the Euromillions, in great detail. Have you actually won it? No! It's just a THOUGHT. It means nothing.

Sing your thoughts out loud to a happy tune. Getting them out of your head makes them seem less powerful. My therapist always recommended happy birthday. So I'd have my baby in my arms singing awful things to happy birthday but once they're out, they're gone.

Good luck x

Hi OP,

@SixDinnerSally says, please Google 'PureO'.

It may be a revelation to you. You'll find out that you're not mad, evil, or any of the other things you may be telling yourself.

I've been on Citalopram for more than 10 years now - thoughts have gone away and there is really joy in my life.

My DD suffered from intrusive thoughts that she'd experienced since early childhood and got worse during lockdown. A course of CBT really helped her. It was part of her OCD and coincided with some of her rituals and compulsions getting out of control.

This video on intrusive thoughts might be of use;

Just an aside on your critical CEO - there is something going on on in his/her mind that is causing this behaviour, keeping them awake at night with their own worries. I'm not saying you should feel sorry for them but it's something to be aware of.

Thank you everyone, genuinely. I looked up Pure O and it really resonates. I feel like I think the most horrific, taboo things and I can barely sit still from the way they make me feel.

I get private healthcare through work so I am going to look into the mental health facilities they offer. I have been on and off fluoxetine most of my life but I take myself off it and then fall apart again so clearly should stop doing that.

@Eyesopenwideawake yes definitely re my CEO. I’m a senior exec at a start up and they are by nature obsessive and anxious themselves. I need to be a calm and guiding resource for him but since I can barely be that for myself, it’s just highlighting the problem and is probably a catalyst for the state I’m in right now.

That's the point of intrusive thoughts, OP.

They are the opposite of what you would ever do in real life.

They are just brain spikes. Not desires or suppressed wishes. They make your fee sick and spiral, thinking we must be awful people.

We aren't! We are nice, kind, normal, competent and talented people who sometimes have anxiety and flashes in our minds that are gone seconds later.

PS, OP,

I'm really glad these things are being talked about more openly now, even if it's an anonymous forum. It's so reassuring.

You'll see a few of these posts on MN, they often increase during anxious and stressful times.

A couple of recent ones have been from new mums who have had a tonne of support from many of us who have experienced intrusive thoughts and have come through the other side.

I hope they made you feel better, too.

You are a totally normal woman who happens to have intrusive thoughts. They are shit, and hideous, and the opposite of anything you really think and feel.

It can be part of OCD and stress and anxiety makes it worse.
My DD has experienced this from a very young age. It's deeply unpleasant, upsetting and difficult to live with - it's also a normal thing to have these thoughts, everyone has them, but they only cause distress to some people. It can be managed.

@Beamur just so no one with Pure O feels like their experience is being minimised, it’s true that everyone has negative automatic thoughts but with Pure O, they’re in a whole different league. It is not ‘the same’ for everyone.

I would say intrusive thoughts are more anxiety.

I have spent the last 4 years dealing with my lifelong anxiety. It comes, for me at least, from a traumatic childhood but one that took a long time to unpick and which up until 4 years ago I would have completely denied existed and it has been a long slow process to deal with.

Sure. This is the form my DD has, so I am really not trying to minimise it. But everyone does have intrusive thoughts, but having these thoughts doesn't necessarily mean that you have OCD.
My DD was very reassured to find out that these kinds of thoughts are widely experienced, but not everyone has the same response.

This thread has been a huge revelation to me. Since having my kids, I have had really awful intrusive thoughts, especially after seeing media stories about child abuse etc. I find the thoughts so horrifying and sickening and it’s as if my brain is trying to show me the absolute worst and most awful thing it can. I am so glad I’m not the only one. Thank you.

@FlatWhite2

I'm really sorry you're going through it too. They are so horrible. But also imaginary, temporary and the opposite of your real feelings.

I found that after having children mine were much worse. That's more than 16 years ago now and they are a distant memory.

Please do speak to your GP to get support if you need it.

Thank you, it’s so good to know it won’t be forever. I actually was inspired by a few comments I read on here to make an appointment with my GP so I have that tomorrow morning. My main fear was that he would think I wanted the thoughts or deep down they were like desires of mine and nothing could be further from the truth. I have never really heard this being spoken about before, so it is amazing to hear I’m not the only one. X

I'm glad it's helped you, @FlatWhite2

There have been a good few threads this year about intrusive thoughts.

Many of the posters who shared had
anxiety in general and then it really escalated when they had young children, (myself included).

The thoughts are hideous, terrifying and make you feel like the worst kind of person. You're not.

I saw a psychiatrist when I was at my worst, he was absolutely brilliant.

I hope you get some good help from your GP.

@CantFindTheBeat @FlatWhite2 I'm also really pleased to see this being talked about more. I'm 44 and have had anxiety all my life, diagnosed OCD which manifests in intrusive thoughts. My thoughts tend to worry about the past. 'What if' I ran someone over or 'what if I tried to snog my boss' or 'what if I've punched someone ' etc etc. The list goes on and on then I ruminate trying to remember things that haven't actually happened. It's so hard to explain to a non anxious person that deep down you know its all in your head even though it feels so real. I read Bryony Gordon's Mad Girl which is a memoir about her OCD. It was like reading my life!.
I remember someone saying once that the very fact we get ourselves so worked up about these thoughts show how good a person we are because if we weren't we wouldn't actually give a toss.
Hugs to all.

I'm just wondering if it could be hormonal?
Anxiety is common when going through peri/menopause.

@Sammz21 this has also crossed my mind. For me intrusive thoughts/anxiety has always been an issue in one way or another but lately the episodes seem more frequent. I did mention to the GP who did bloods and said my hormone levels were fine but then things fluctuate dont they .

@Ilovedogs1 yes, they do!
I have real trouble leaving the house someday, which then doesn't help
with my thoughts & the ability to process events
@GorgeousLadyofWrestling we hear you !!

@Sammz21@GorgeousLadyofWrestling just looking at the amount of posts on mumsnet over the past couple of weeks regarding anxiety issues just shows how many of us are struggling.

@OP i would also that in addition to intrusive thoughts being a type of OCD what sets is apart from ordinary intrusive thoughts that everyone gets is that it comes with 'compulsions'. A compulsion you have to do/perform for the thought to go away , only of course once you've done the compulsion, a new intrusive thought or the same resurfaces again. My dc has had this form of OCD since he was about 8yrs. It's very distressing and can be confusing for the sufferer where they start to question what are their own thoughts and what is intrusive? BUT it can be managed and put under control and you can lead a very normal life.

Hi everyone - thanks so much for everyone on this thread. So much reassurance. I have an appointment with the GP this morning to talk through medication because I just can’t cope like this. Going to ask about counselling as well, though may be better to try through work’s healthcare options.

I feel like I have two types of intrusive thoughts:

Ones where I have read or heard something upsetting and I obsessively think about it. It is usually connected to child abuse. The energy I put into controlling those thoughts is exhausting. But sometimes I let them come in and it’s like a painful wound I’m picking at. I. Ant bear the thoughts and cry and get physically agitated by them and try so hard not to let them in…only to then almost force them in when the reaction to them has lessened. Because the reaction does lessen over time - it’s just that a new thing will become the obsession.

The second type are like flashes of thoughts. Harming my children or my pets. They just pop into my head and I am horrified by them and revolted with myself but the force of them is not like the others. The thought or image pops into my head and then goes away again. I’m just left reeling but they’re not exhausting in the way the first lot are.

I’ve had the first type for as long as I can remember. It was particularly bad in my early twenties but I learned to manage them a bit better in that I stopped watching the news and allowing awful news into my head. But it’s impossible to avoid everything and I am vulnerable to it in times of stress.

For example, I started my new role as a senior exec at a start up. Lots of pressure. I’d had a bad experience in my previous role and was taking beta blockers to manage the physical symptoms of anxiety. I was reading Buzzfeed on my lunchtime one day and stumbled across a story about a woman who killed her children. I stupidly decided to do more reading about it, read something very upsetting, and then spent about a month crying at my desk (I work from home) as I desperately tried to NOT think about what I’d read. I realised I was spiralling so I started working out every day and forcing myself to get outside and out of my head.

I don’t know if it’s just anxiety or if it’s OCD or both? Pure O very much resonates. I feel at war with myself. I don’t want to think about these things because they feel physically painful and I’m exhausted from trying to control them.