Want to die- psychiatric medication has ruined my brain and body

[ladylalatub]

For the last 12 years, I have been on five different antidepressants and for the last three years, I have been on two different antipsychotics. I have gained a lot of weight over the years (firstly on the Mirtazapine I was prescribed), but especially on the first antipsychotic (Olanzapine) to the point where now I am morbidly obese. In the last few years, I also feel like my brain is frazzled and I can't concentrate on reading books as much as I used to. I also used to write poetry and monologues but I struggle to focus enough to get anything down now. Years of mental illness have ruined my life and knocked my confidence down. I just don't see the point anymore.

Morbid obesity due to psychiatric medication affecting my metabolism and appetite over the years has destroyed my body. I eat less now than I have ever done, but I am the heaviest I have ever been. I'm so big now that I can't face going to the gym and dealing with being the biggest there by a mile and rude comments/looks. Every Christmas my life seems to just be as bad as before. Nothing ever gets better. If it wasn't for my DS, I'd jump in front of a train. Obesity is going to kill me soon anyway.

I have unfortunately gained weight with my medication but my mental health is really good at the moment. I am planning to start jogging in January. I rather be fat than the mess i was for many years. I take antipsychotic, mood stabilisors and antidepressant.

I can identify with the posts on here, right down to the lack of concentration and bone loss in my jaw which has led to me requiring dentures.....my perfect teeth just fall out. I am on aripiprazole 20mg I think....the highest dose anyway....for bipolar disorder. Also on the highest dose of sertraline. Dreading the day when one or other stops being effective, as I have tried most other things. I am 21 stone and also live with an eating disorder.

I don't know what to say to you, I just didn't want to read and run. You are not alone. Xxx

I didn't know about the bone loss, which is another thing to be concerned about- my teeth falling out. I would like to start some form of exercise, but I am so tired most of the time. I barely manage to get through work where I am on my feet most of the time. I'm so tired all the time.

Hey OP. My DH had a severe depressive episode last year and has been on antidepressants and anti-psychotics for over a year. We found that it was trial and error with the medication to work out what worked best, he tried mirtazapine, quetiapine, lithium, risperdal, zoplicone, trintillex, valium. It really took time to work out which ones helped and what dose was best. The biggest thing that helped was therapy each week and now he's on a much lower dose. Can you access therapy through the NHS? What support is available to you?

Your not alone. Started quetiapine in 2018 as a mood stabiliser. I'm almost 6 stone heavier. Tried metformin to counteract the hunger hut it didn't work. My mental health is great now but I'm too scared to come off them. I did try aripiprazole for a bit that just sent me so hyper the amd irritable and so went back to quetiapine. I want to get a gastric band, I can't see any other way to loose weight now.

My Christmas present to myself is being on Day 7 of being off Pregabalin completely (after a taper).

Dear God it's hard.

But being on it: it didn't help after a couple of weeks - I just needed more and more - and I piled on weight. Genius idea, not.

I'm on mrtazapine & have put onover 4 stone, I wish I had never gone on it

I was put on quetiapine during a psychotic episode 4 years ago now. it did nothing and i gained like 50kg approx. i was too ill to see i was gaining weight but my psychiatrist noticed. pissed off big time. last year i lost about 20kg this year i havent lost anything. really struggling. havent been on quetiapine for about 3 years. now slowly working my way off haloperidol. at lleast that one is supposedly weight neutral.

I gave the GP the NICE guidelines and now they do annual checks for things like blood sugars and cholesterol.

How are you doing OP?
@ladylalatub

Still feeling hopeless. I just go to work and come home. Outside of work, I don't really interact with anyone. I have a couple of friends, but they're really busy with their own lives. I also feel like I'll never have a proper life due to my mental health.

OP I'm just here for a hand hold really. I do understand what you mean as I'm also obese and on antipsychotics and struggling with life right now.

My latest and joyful addition has been an episode of Shingles adding possibly chronic pain into the mix and a new zombifying set of tablets to try and combat this.

I do have a membership to the local sports centre at a discount and have not been to this since about last Autumn.

However there are people of all shapes and sizes go, I know it can seem daunting if not been before but I am trying to remember that.

It does help me mentally and might with the pain so going to try and start back in weeks to come. It will be hard though I know- especially as it is still quite cold outside.

I find it helps to think less about what it is doing for me weight wise- as you mentioned I too seem to stay the same etc - but how it helps me mood wise.

Anyway just to say I know what you mean xx

I'm the same tbh every day I wish I was dead

I was put on Aripiprazole with CItalapram by my psychiatrist but had terrible side effects so have come off the Aripiprazole. I don’t have psychosis but he wants to try me on another antipsychotic now so I’m confused why it is being used for just depression. I feel really bad atm.

@depressed394 would you like to talk?
Many of us have been there, but feeling like this doesn't last forever.