Work suggesting I'm 'burned out' - so what am I supposed to do?

[lonelynfrustrated]

I’m so overwhelmed by work, my boss has now told me she senses I’m burning out and I should ‘talk to someone’ but I’ve no clue if she is right, and if so - what to actually do.

I’ve worked for public sector in a senior management role, for several years. I’ve been very successful; I’m very well qualified for my role and have decades’ worth of experience in this area of work. I know what I’m doing and I can do it well, and I (usually) enjoy my job. I lead a large team of 20+ people and take pride in my team being successful and progressing in their own careers.

The last 18 months, things at work have just gone downhill really fast. I work for an organisation which is about to merge with another public sector organisation, meaning that for over a year now I haven’t been allowed to recruit to vacancies or even to cover maternity leaves, so I’ve had to work extra hard at motivating what’s left of the team, plus covering some maternity leave roles (one at my grade, one at higher than my grade) for a year apiece myself.

Various members of the team have become overly stressed and gone on long-term leave with stress themselves, making the day-to-day situation even worse for the rest of us. At one point we were working at 40% manning for 4 months, but still had to meet the same deadlines etc (deadlines set by the government, so not something I could renegotiate or just miss). The team members who still come to work every day are fed up and demotivated and I’ve run out of ideas to keep them happy as I can offer them precisely zero – I can’t even tell them ‘things will be better after the merger’ as we know there will be redundancies next year.

Some members of the team, for whom I fought long and hard for HR to offer them decent contracts over recent months, are now so angry that they are rude and disrespectful to me on a daily basis – the other day one of them cried in a call and accused me of being patronising and after the call I sobbed for an hour – I’ve never been accused of being patronising in 35 years of management and it was probably their own anger talking but then I’ve spent days wondering if they’re right and doubting myself…

Two weeks ago I was called to a meeting with HR to say that as thrilled as they are with my work, they have to make cost savings as part of our upcoming merger and so when they renew my fixed-term contract next month it will be at a lower grade and approx. £7k a year less money. There is no negotiation, they can absolutely do this (I am actually a union rep and they are not breaking any rules as they are reworking the job description so it is technically a different job). Take it, or leave it.

I’m utterly devastated. I simply cannot believe this is happening. It’s not actually about the cash as I’ll still make a half-decent salary, although it will definitely mean changes to the family standard of living (have a child who wants to go to university this time next year and not sure how I’ll pay for this, etc). But I feel utterly devalued and demoralised, it’s as though someone flicked a switch. I can’t sleep, I can’t think straight and the other day couldn’t even string a coherent sentence together in a senior leadership team meeting, and made an excuse about feeling unwell and left. I’m ridiculously tearful and suddenly angry and shouty at my children. I am in complete despair as I have no options other than to take their ‘offer’ and keep trying to manage a team who are themselves exhausted and upset.

My boss told me to take some time off, I took a couple of vacation days last week and literally just sat and stewed over this. I’m constantly in ‘react’ mode and I can’t seem to get past the hurt and the upset in order to step back and think about things rationally.

My only option is to go and get another job but at my age I really don’t want to have to do that – I love the work itself and was planning to stay in this or a similar role for another 5 years or so and then happily retire. I feel as though I’ve lost all control over my life and cannot set any boundaries for myself as work simply won’t/can’t respect them. I just can’t do this any more and I want it to stop – I’m not suicidal, but I just keep hoping something will happen and I don’t wake up one morning. I’ve spent this weekend reviewing my life insurance policies and writing a list of ‘things to do’ for my husband if I die, I’ve realised that the rest of the family would be far, far better off financially if they had my insurance money than if they had me earning a lesser salary. And then I sit and think how utterly ridiculous it is that I’m in this position…

A friend has told me that ‘you’re not paid to have feelings’ and I realise she’s right. So do I just need to get over this? But if so, how do I get out of this ‘reaction’ mode and move forward?

I’ve spent this weekend reviewing my life insurance policies and writing a list of ‘things to do’ for my husband if I die, I’ve realised that the rest of the family would be far, far better off financially if they had my insurance money than if they had me earning a lesser salary.

I would go and see the GP when you start thinking like this. Get signed off sick and then look for a different job.

Can you make an internal move? If that option is available take it. You can't win where you are.

Have a look at the private sector. Even if you take an initial drop in salary there's likely an increased chance of salary increases and future promotions.

You've been doing what you do too long basically and are now taken for granted by management. Get signed off and get out asap

Find another job OP, I know staying feels easier but it's seriously affecting your mental health and now you're getting a pay cut. They're absolutely taking the piss and will keep doing so as long as anyone will let them.

Find something else that doesn't make you feel like you don't want to wake up in the morning.

I'd be off sick with anger in your shoes.
They are making it all about your inability to cope well with too much work. Although, it sounds like you've been managing this just perhaps without a serene demeanour. The whole inference that you're not resilient because you can't cope with the work of two people, oh yeh, here's a pay cut. God i'd be furious.

Go off sick. Use that time to get some career coaching and look for another job.

You are so enmeshed in this job you can't see the wood for the trees. Your loyalty to the work and the past keeps you there when actually they treat you like shit.

Go somewhere else that actually values you and learn to put yourself first.

If you are 55 plus can you take your pension lump sum and start taking your pension - and leave and look for another job

I have my fingers crossed that in the decades you have worked in similar roles you have been paying into the pension.

Lots of my colleagues are taking "flexible retirement" at 55 plus. Largely to get hold of the lump sum I think to pay off their remaining mortgage or help with the cost of living.

I think if you gave in your notice you will feel great. I appreciate that being able to do that depends on your financial circumstances/able to manage if your new job pays less.

If you can't raid a decent lump sum/pension then I would start job hunting. Even if the new job is less pay. You wanted to stay in this job because you liked it. You no longer do. You are being asked to do more and more stressful work for less pay. Time to move on.

They do this too often in my job. A colleague called it corporate gaslighting. Chronically understaffed and underfunded dozens are off sick. All of us working over capacity almost 2 x our caseload and staff are being told if we can't cope it's not the job for us, it's us who aren't resilient etc

Yes, corporate gaslighting - I think they don't admit the real cause of what's happening because they can't.

Go off sick for a few months. If you dropped dead tomorrow they would replace you without batting an eyelid. You’re in the public sector so I take it you get half decent sick pay, take some time out at least. It’s not worth getting into this state over a poxy job and workplace who don’t care about you.

Sick leave / new job.

While you're propping things up (and the team) nothing will change.

It needs to go wrong before it gets better. Recruitment freezes pending change is not an excuse.

The pay cut should be the icing on the cake.

Stop before your body does it for you.

@JFDIYOLO May I guess your age 40-45?

If yes, this is perimenopause making her presence felt ...

No - "I’ve never been accused of being patronising in 35 years of management"

I do agree with the rest of your post though

Corporate gaslighting is exactly what it is!

Are you a full time, permanent employee? Or on a fixed term contract now? Because that will make a difference.

You’re not burnt out. You’re worn out because you’ve been doing the work of 5 people! Anyone would be.

Go off sick, string it out, take their cash, find another role where you’re valued.

Op this is absolutely rubbish for you and I agree with the others. Don’t let them treat you so badly! Get signed off and look for something new.

They are trying to manage you out to make you leave. Take loads of sick leave, get yourself together, keep in with occy healthy and make it hard for them.

Wow, I am utterly blown away by all the responses. I really appreciate folk taking time out of their day to respond – thank you.

To answer some questions….

@ Taswama – “Is there an employee helpline you can ring?” – yes, there is; ironically I was talking to Occupational Health about resources on Friday for another one of my team members who is struggling with anxiety (due to not knowing if we’ll be made redundant shortly)… apparently they are currently making appointments for a month from now, they are so swamped.

@Motnight – “Are you working at a NHS ALB, Op by any chance?” Yes, you nailed it.

@user1477249785- “Look I know you wanted to stay and finish your career there in a role you know and feel fulfilled by. But sadly you need to accept that that option doesn't now exist. You can stay. But in a more junior role, over worked and asking the impossible from your team who will resent you. Or you can leave. Those are your two options. There isn't a third which is stay and have the job return to how it was before.”
This is exactly it, isn’t it? It’s over – the job I’ve loved and done so well at isn’t going to exist anymore. I have literally said to my spouse that I feel like someone died (I made this comparison because a much-loved family member died just a couple of months ago and I recognised I was having the same emotions). It’s stark to see it pointed out so clearly. But you’re right.

@Swampthing55 – I’d be happy to receive a recommendation. I think I need all the help I can get right now. Thank you.

@SuperCamp – “Honestly, I would make a mad special effort to put your game face on, take up every possibility for courses / training within the role, so that you are in tip top condition to find a new job. This job will never now be the job you loved and are good at. But big yourself up, it’s not you it’s them, use your experience and grab a better working life!”
You’re right. I need to find a way to stop wallowing in feeling hard-done-by...

@NotMyDayJob “Also if you've been there more than two years you have the same redundancy rights as a permanent employee. What are they offering if you don't sign the new contract?”
They will make a half-hearted attempt to find me ‘Suitable Alternative Employment’; based on what they’ve done with others in my wider team, they will offer one vaguely similar role with pay protection for a couple of years and if you turn that down then you’re out the door with no payoff. As there are massive reductions coming up in the new year, it’s highly likely that there won’t be another role for them to offer me. It would buy me some (employed) time whilst they worked through the process, though.

@TheFarawayNearby “I'd be looking to be made redundant, is that possible?”
I actually asked about this, given they are going to be making massive layoffs shortly and have already announced a Voluntary Redundance scheme…I’d happily take redundancy and a few months’ paid leave to get myself back into shape and look for another job! However I was told that the VR scheme is only for specific roles, and ‘my’ role doesn’t fall into the scheme.

@MsMcGonagall – I am also the main earner in the house, with spouse on a zero hours minimum wage contract, so it’s important (just as for you) that I do have a job and that it is of a similar salary, so I can maintain the house and family. This definitely adds an extra level of stress, doesn’t it? It would be lovely to have a partner who could allow me to just take some time out, etc….. but anyway.
I do have a lengthy notice period, my concern is that my employer won’t exist after January (due to merger) and so I’m very afraid they would want me to just leave, rather than carry my notice period over to the new employer. Otherwise, I agree this would be a good option.

@JFDIYOLO “May I guess your age 40-45? If yes, this is perimenopause making her presence felt ...”
Actually no, I’m over 50 and pretty much over the menopause, though bless you for acknowledging that this is a massive issue for women in that age group!
“Because why the hell are you still there?” …and therein lies the question I need to answer for myself. I’ve allowed my work to define me, is the short answer.

@ HamSandwichKiller - unfortunately due to the upcoming merger there are recruitment controls in place, there are no jobs of my grade being advertised on anything longer than a 12 month contract. So moving internally wouldn’t really offer any benefits - even if I could get one of these roles there’s the stress of moving into a new role and then wondering whether the new role is part of the 40% reduction next year
” You've been doing what you do too long basically “….I think you’re right. I have moved between similar roles in the organisation over the years (I haven’t been vegetating in one job), but you have a point.

@ xPeaceX "They are making it all about your inability to cope well with too much work…."
Yes, I think this is the bit that really makes me upset and angry. I’ve just made a list of all the things that bother me about this situation, and not one of them is ‘too much work’ – I’ve worked public sector for a very long time and I accept that it’s going to be hard work and understaffed….what I can no longer accept is that nobody recognises that those of us who continue to show up for work have successfully managed a really difficult situation for over a year and kept the programme going.
And yes, I’ve managed everything with a very ‘serene demeanour’ my whole career, because….that’s what is professional, right? I think my reaction to them over the last couple of weeks has been a shock for them. I just haven’t been able to hide my disappointment and upset.

@AnnaMagnani "You are so enmeshed in this job you can't see the wood for the trees…"
My boss kinda alluded to this by telling me I was taking the news re: changes to job and salary ‘too personally’. I need to figure out how to step away, though. My job is a huge part of my life and my sense of self-esteem, I think.

@Winter2020 - "If you are 55 plus can you take your pension lump sum and start taking your pension - and leave and look for another job"
I’m early 50’s so handful of years to go yet, although it was always my plan to at least go part-time, if not retire completely, once I made it to minimum age. And this is why I wasn’t planning on switching jobs just now…

@johsq20 – corporate gaslighting, this actually made me pause. It’s precisely what it is. They have made me feel as though I am not actually good at my job (which massively defines me and I take huge pride in) after all, and this is what has really knocked me for six. This is immensely helpful, thank you.

@LindseyHoyleSpeaks: "Are you a full time, permanent employee? ".
I am technically on a full-time permanent contract with my employer. However the nature of my work is they move me around to different departments for a few years to work on fixed-term projects or programmes, so therein comes the underlying fixed-term 'contract' and change of role. They are basically telling me the role I am currently in, won't exist any more going forwards.

Thank you all again, for your responses.

Much for me to think about....

I need to figure out a way to step back from the emotion, and set out my boundaries. This is clearly, whether I like it or not, going to involve finding another job.

I do need to figure out a way to effectively manage the transition (much as I'd like to tell them to stick their offer where the sun don't shine, I will likely need to take it so I have a job/steady income whilst I jobhunt). Maybe I should in fact do what everyone else has been doing to look after their mental health, and take some time away.

Thank you all xx

If it’s civilmserice it should have a good long term sick leave policy

it sounds like you’re basically having a breakdown - hardly surprising in the circumstances

go to gp on Monday and get a sick note for at least two weeks. Tell your boss you are suffering eg significant mental health challenges as a result of the work environment

take a breath - don’t rush back to work and start looking at other options

Stuff the job for the time being, they are working you into the ground and I suspect, as others do, that they are trying to manage you out, probably in the hope that you will leave of your own accord so they don't have to pay you redundancy.

Go to your GP, tell them what you've said on here, and ask to be signed off. You really do need it. Get well first, then decide what to do about the job.

Quote: I am technically on a full-time permanent contract with my employer. However the nature of my work is they move me around to different departments for a few years to work on fixed-term projects or programmes, so therein comes the underlying fixed-term 'contract' and change of role. They are basically telling me the role I am currently in, won't exist any more going forwards

If you have a permanent full time contract then politely (and in writing) decline their kind offer to redefine your role and lower your wages and indicate you will be happy to remain on your current (permanent) contract and be re-deployed to a suitable alternative position at the same grade as your current one if your post ceases to exist.

My understanding is if you can't be offered a suitable alternative (equivalent pay and work) then you should be offered redundancy.

Your employer wants to have it both ways and say your role will cease to exist but you can't go for redundancy. Don't let them screw you over.

I think you should be in a strong position if you stick up for your rights. Can you use the legal advice with your union membership.

If you start to feel you won't be pushed around you might feel stronger. Don't make yourself ill caring about what these people that are happy to tread on you think. Stand up to them.

Lowered wage. No thank you, thank you for asking.

Exactly what @Winter2020 said.

I agree with what @Winter2020 said.

FWIW I don't think you are wrong for taking this personally. A few years ago I was made to reinterview for a job I was already doing/succeeding in, and it did upset me a lot, and burnt up a lot of my goodwill with that organisation. When things got even tougher, I left- but that was far easier for me than it would be for you.

I second the suggestion to get signed off for a week or two, just to give yourself some time to process, and perhaps have a look at what is out there?

If you decide to stick with this job, don't let them make you do the same job for less pay. Stick to the absolute letter of your new contract. No more goodwill etc. I get that's very difficult with redundancies on the horizon.

BTW, WRT your DC going to uni, they will potentially just have to fund it themselves, but if household income goes down they can ask to be assessed for loans based on the current year's income, rather than previous years.

Sending you love ❤️

Accept the new role

Go sick for a month or two or three

Find a new job, maybe something completely different. Find joy again. Find your sparkle again.

Honestly, your life is precious. YOU are precious

Great response, op!

It seems we are all on the same page here.

I love the phrase corporate gaslighting.

Here's another concept - portfolio worker. Having multiple streams of income as one alone can't be trusted. Severance pay, taking pension early, setting up own business, and taking fixed term contracts is what I did while in the teeth of the menopause. It isn't easy - but it's better than being battered about by corporate / government employer nonsense.

I don't understand how they can say that your role won't exist AND they can't offer you redundancy. Surely if your job won't exist and they can't offer you an equivalent, then that's a redundancy situation?

I feel for you btw. xx