Hello, I would really like some advise from people who have gone low contact with their family. Mother and sister all exhibiting narcisstic traits - thankfully not just I see it but my brothers also. However its come to a head now after my 50 years on the planet where I honestly have to change myself and my behaviour towards them . I am the problem now not them. I am constantly getting upset over their behaviour and as I get older I know its effecting my own beautiful family. My husband and kids are so patient but its wearing thin now regarding my reactions when these two individuals text or don't text, ring or don't ring, include me or don't include me etc etc. Although its mostly me including never them ALWAYS TRYING to instigate a relationship. I am holding on to this dream I suspect that all will be fine eventually , but in reality its not and won't be. My sister and mother have zero respect for me or even care. Long history of terrible toxic behaviour and I was always making excuses for them in my own head and with other people. Interestingly now more people are seeing their behaviour and I am blessed to have support from my brothers and husband. But I feel so sad and my husband tells me I am bullied by them and they will always be bullies. I guess my rather long post wants some advise on people who didn't break the contact altogether but just distanced themselves emotionally and perhaps some practical things I could do.
To add my sister and mother do get on very well and will go on hols together, visit each other often etc. But I will never be invited or if I am its a case of the actual event never happening. I am a good person and I have a wonderful relationship with my relatives who find my mother especially a major challenge. As I get older I can see that my mental health is suffering as a result of their behaviour and I want to change all that. I have for years blamed myself for the failing in the relationships I always felt it must be me that did something, but more recently I can see actually I didn't do anything wrong bar want to have a loving relationship with these two people. All the help books I have got just don't seem to be helping me or give myself my self worth. I want to ignore their noise and actually accept its actually ok not to reply to a text if they send one and not feel guilty about it. Its ok to not answer the phone and its actually ok not to turn up to a family event if its going to make me sick ahead of time and ruin my own childrens family time. More recently I was ill and both knew I was having major surgery and no calls and only a text a few days later from my mother wondering was my little procedure over and could I bring some cakes from a bakery near me for a friend of hers who was having a hip replacement and needed her support when I was visiting. Nothing at all from my sister. I Families!!! Thanks for listening!