I actually don’t think I can go on

[WhenSyap]

I have a five month old and when my relationship broke down I moved back towards my family for support. I’ve had some support but not much and I desperately miss my old life back where I had a busier life and closer to my work (I’m still on maternity).

I have had to battle with ex to give me some maintenance, he dragged out cms by a paternity test and I’ve felt totally and utterly battered from all sides before and after pregnancy. I am absolutely broken. I feel stuck here now with a huge mortgage that I only moved to a year ago. I used to be successful, strong, hopeful. I just can’t cope anymore. Midwives know how I feel and I have mental health support but honestly I can’t stand my life and don’t know how much longer I can cope.

Well baby won't stay a baby for ever. Do you have your job to go back to at end of mat leave? That's an easy win to look forward to if so. Pony up for the childcare to make sure you have time to work and some time to yourself as well.

Don't be afraid to use childcare just because other women around you might not be. I've found career minded women are quite invisible and less likely to speak out about their choices

Find your inner strength.

You are descended from women who’s husbands we off to war, many never coming back.

Get into a good routine so that you can make time to have a bit of fun/relaxation for yourself.

The baby years pass very quickly.

@BobbyBobbyBobby @Merlott i feel so overwhelmed. I just looked a childcare and it’s around 1k a month, I just don’t know how I’m going to manage? I didn’t expect any of this. I don’t know how to cope with it all. I used to be so capable but I have been totally emotionally destroyed and I have nothing left anymore.

Can you move somewhere smaller/less expensive? That would be a weight off straight away.
Are you planning to go back to work after maternity? If so start looking at the possibility of condensing your hours over fewer days. Also look at your salary vs the cost of childcare, could a family member do a day or so a week (mine never did but worth asking I suppose). Childminders can be cheaper than nursery, they are also potentially more flexible around the hours you work if you condensed and work longer hours.
Depending on your salary would an au pair be feasible?
Obviously none of this may be appropriate for you but you do have options!
The early years are difficult and all working mums have had the headache of finding appropriate childcare, you can do it!

Hello @WhenSyap we're so sorry to hear you're feeling this way. You're getting some excellent advice here from other MNers but we'd also like to share some links to real-life support that might be helpful:

Please take a look at our Mental Health resources Mental Health resources here. You can also contact the Samaritans or email them on [email protected]. Gingerbread, the charity for single parents, can offer you practical and emotional support.

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We're going to move your thread to the Mental Health board shortly.

This might sound totally random but if you want to stay in the expensive house, and some adult company, you could look for a lodger, perhaps a fairly mature person who is comfortable around a baby having brought up their own, or a student studying something child-related? See here for what you can and can't do when selecting your lodger and if you need to ask them to leave later:

blog.lawpack.co.uk/7-steps-to-screening-and-selecting-your-lodger/

Try to get out to a baby-and-toddler group as often as you can too even if you don't feel like it and even if you are late every time (I was!). Churches in our area run a lot of groups, some of these are completely non-religious in nature and are a service to the community, others are more faith-based. There's NCT and while officially all are welcome, my experience is that some are very welcoming to all-comers but others tend towards being a group of people who live near and went to antenatal classes together. You may need to shop around groups to find your niche.

You could try getting some help and company from Sure Start. There may be groups to socialise your baby and resocialise you run by the council or charities in partnership.

I do understand, it sounds overwhelming. Things will get better.