Husband hearing voices. I need someone to talk to

[Confusedwife3]

What I write here may seem like I'm being unsupportive or dramatic, but I have absolutely noone to talk to about my worries (hopefully unfounded) and I need to write them down.
Husband is currently very depressed. Been getting worse for the past 18 months. He's a very emotionally closed off person and has always been quite introverted & withdrawn so I was incredibly proud of him when he spoke to me about this & he went to the doctors. The doctor started him on sertraline and he's been referred to a mental health service. Currently waiting to be contacted by them.
He has been very withdrawn from our family, wider family, friends, social activities for a long time and it was building resentment in our marriage. I wasn't aware of his problems at the time. He's since told me he's hearing voices. This has been for the past couple of months. First started with someone shouting his name, waking him in the night, then he heard it in the supermarket etc. But now it's developed to what he says is constant chatter in his head. Sometimes sounds like other people's conversations, but is mostly 2 or 3 different voices giving him a running commentary on what he's doing, or saying negative things, or telling him he's a waste of space etc. So it's definitely getting worse.
I've noticed this past week he keeps closing his eyes and not always answering us. He's told me this morning it's because of the constant chatter & it's wearing him out. And he's sometimes missing what we are saying.
After much research I think he's suffering from psychosis caused by severe depression. He's also become very ocd & paranoid. I don't think it's schizophrenia.

Now, I feel desperately sorry for him & worried. Also very frustrated that he doesn't seem to be getting any help & the sertraline isnt working. But now my own selfish thoughts come in to play. He's been off work sick for quite a while now. He has a senior role & has a team under him. He had to study for years to qualify & has climbed the career ladder for the past 10 years & is now at the top. I became a housewife as it worked best that way for me to look after kids /house /husband. I don't see how he can work like this, it's not possible. I of course will get a job instead but I can only earn 1/5 of what he can & it would have to be topped up by universal credit. We will not be able to manage as our outgoings are large.
Our kids have picked up on his strange behaviour & he's always been detached. But my worst one now is that I feel scared of him. He's don't absolutely nothing to warrant me feeling scared but I don't know what's going on in his mind. He just sits there in some kind of zombie like state and doesn't leave the house. I'm worried these voices are going to tell him to do something bad. To himself or us. I have now started to struggle sleeping & feeling very stressed myself because I'm so worried about him. What are we going to do?

This sounds really hard so I feel very inexpert but didn’t want to read and run.

Could you afford a private psychiatrist for your husband while he is awaiting NHS care? And do you think your husband has been honest with the doctor so far and do they know how serious this is?

Does he have wider family you can get support for him from? It really seems to me that this is so serious you need wider support, especially as you have kids. Could his parents or siblings help support him and you at this time?

Thinking of you.

I'd urgently contact your GP, and say that he's hearing voices. It could be the medication and he may need it changed.

I can see how worrying that would be. It sounds like you need some MH support to help you cope with his MH issues. I'd think the best thing you can do for him here is get him back to his GP so he can get the help he needs. You can't fix this and you can't make him seek help or engage with that help, but if he will see his GP and talk honestly about what's happening to him that's the first step to getting him the help you all need him to get.

Have you checked whether the life insurance has critical illness cover? (I'm guessing he has life insurance)

I'm a clinical psychologist. Get him to A&E, he needs an urgent psychiatric review.

I am seconding A&E or crisis team.

Psychosis is curable if caught quickly.

Schizophrenia is not some magical thing, it’s literally just psychotic episodes repeatedly.

The chances of this being a one off and having a full recovery are nearly wholly from ‘how quickly you got help after initial symptoms’.

Sertraline can cause psychosis. Could be this but it now needs treating. It doesn’t just reverse by itself.

Google the crisis team for your area. They should see him for an immediate assessment, and if he doesn’t need admission, the home treatment teams will see him and medicate him until he’s stable. Then he will be passed on to the community mental health recovery team.
It’s likely they’ll trial him on an antipsychotic medication, which sounds scary, but they really aren’t, and could help massively. They aren’t just for psychosis symptoms, but are often used as an add on for major depression, as well as a mood stabiliser, but will need experimentation with dosage etc. GPs cannot prescribe these medications, which is why the crisis team/home treatment team/community mental health team need to see him urgently.
Also correct diagnosis and treatment is positive and will greatly improve the quality of life for you all. Please urge him to be honest and transparent in his assessment and to not hold back.
Huge hand hold. It’s awful, but you’ve got this.

After spending over 6 months with my son while he suffered paranoid delusions during lockdown without any support or help at all from anyone, my best advice is go private if you can afford an emergency appointment. This type of situation caused me to suffer ptsd, (which i am still suffering from) please protect you and your children first with help for your husband coming a very close second. Do no delay, this situation may tick along as it is for a while, it could explode at any moment with no warning. Sending you all thoughts and best wishes, you can do this.

He had an assessment from someone who worked for mental health services, originally the plan was to offer him CBT. But when he told her all of these additional things (I was there so know he told them) she said his issues were too complex so referred him on to somewhere else. We have yet to hear from them, but I know the details and have looked into it and it is a centre for Adult mental health who deal with complex conditions such as schizophrenia etc, so he's definitely been referred to the right place but we just don't know when they will get in touch. I think that they will offer him anti psychotics.
There is no way he would go the hospital etc. He does have control of the way he is acting and can act normally to strangers etc but it's all buzzing away in his brain. I told him this morning I'm scared of what this could develop into. I got upset. His response was that he wasnt going to tell me anything else because it is upsetting me. I've begged him not to do that.

Oh my love. It’s such a weight on your shoulders. If he’s not wanting to get immediate help, there’s nothing you can do. But. If you don’t feel safe at any point, or it does develop into something more intense, please don’t hesitate to call the crisis team yourself. They are there to help and advise you, too. And if you aren’t safe, they can send the police to you. They are very good with mental health and will do what they need to do do keep both you, your husband and your children safe. I don’t say this to scare you, just to reassure you that you are not alone and there is help if the situation escalates at any point.
The services you’re waiting for will be secondary mental health services, which will be the community mental health team, or the complex needs team. He’ll have an assessment and start treatment, but he has to engage with them fully for it to help him. Please chase if things are getting worse. Ask if there are any cancellations. You can call, again, please don’t shy away from telling them the severity of the situation.
There are services you can access for support too. This is really tough on you and as a poster said above, she got ptsd from taking care of someone with a serious mental health condition. If you speak to your GP they can signpost you to the right support. It’s really important that you look after yourself right now, too.
I want to reassure you again, that the right diagnosis and treatment will be life changing, and I’m speaking from experience.
Thinking of you. Things will get better.

Did you do a post recently and said that he’d stopped his medication ?

My DH had MH problems and initially refused to believe it was mental.
I was pregnant and had 2 little ones. Looking back, I should have asked him to leave while he got well, but when you are living it you don’t see how bad it is.

He will definitely engage with them, it's just the delay that's so frustrating. Our lives are in complete limbo whilst he gets worse every day.

OP I don’t want to alarm you further. But you need to take him to the hospital.

Saying your worried what this might develop into aka schizophrenia. What he is having currently is basically schizophrenia. I know you might imagine it’s ax wealding crazies you see in the news but that’s the 0.001% of schizophrenics.

The only difference between what your husband is experiencing and schizophrenia is a word on his hospital records. Schizophrenia is just a label they apply to someone experiencing the same as your husband but instead of a one off resolved occurrence - it’s reoccurring episodes or permanent.

If this has been going on 18 months it might already be too late. He needs to go.

The sooner he gets help the higher the chance he can recover. I myself had a psychotic episode. I too could act normal to strangers and wasn’t a harm to myself or others. Thankfully I had quick help. NHS take psychosis very seriously. You will be in good hands.

Go, go now!

Did the voice chatter come become or after starting the setraline? I think that's important.

I agree with him going to a & e, he must be mentally exhausted.

My heart goes out to you OP it's SO hard having a loved one go through this, I hope you are looking after yourself as well, get some support if you can for yourself....or keep pouring your heart out here if it helps xx

He says it started before the sertraline but has got much worse so I don't know if its because of that or not.
The voices have been for about 8 weeks I think. The depression has been for 18 months but much worse this past 6 months

you need to pay for a private psychiatrist asap

(Do you have private health insurance with his work)

it won’t be cheap - but the nhs is very unlikely to give the immediate support he needs

The person who assessed him didn't really seem that concerned about anything he told her. There was no urgency to anything.
I've researched the psychosis & he doesn't have the delusions or not acting like himself etc, it is just the auditory hallucinations.
I'm presuming if left untreated it can get worse and possibly develop into that? He doesn't seem to grasp that tho.
I want to be on the phone to the services myself but I'm poorly at the moment & have lost my voice so can't speak on the phone! I've told him I want him to call to find out timescales tomorrow. He says he will.

Also, regarding extra support for me /him. He doesn't want any one to know because he is embarrassed. He has forbidden me from telling any family members /friends so I'm dealing with it all myself. I am finding that extremely difficult.
He says that the voices are not there 24/7.its mostly first thing in the morning, last thing at night, and if it's quiet.

He needs to see a psychiatrist asap

What dose of Sertraline is he on? Can you be sure he has been taking it? Will he attend A and E to be assessed by a psychiatrist? I would echo the others and try to get a private psych assessment if you can afford it. If not, contact your local mental health crisis team.
Look after yourself and your kids too. Try not to worry about the future. With the right medication and help, your dh should recover. Look into whether he is covered by any income protection policies.

Please please take your DH to hospital and contact the crisis team asap. Seratraline can work wonders for some, but it can also have serious side effects. As others have said, if you can afford it, go private. Your DH may even have private medical health care cover already with his employer and some companies have a free employee careline that you can contact for help and advice.

Lastly please contact your GP. You need support too as it is tough. At least your DH is talking to you. Encourage him and tell him as many as positive things you can.

I am one to actually say don’t go private as you then don’t have the full range of services. It’s a pain to get into nhs and you do need to badger them over and over or become a problem/ be seen to be quickly escalating. But once your in then you have continuity of care.

If you go private that’s it. If NHS then you can escalate up and down the ladder to the full range of services including after care.

NHS will take this seriously I promise. They really don’t want to be dealing with a schizophrenic for the next multiple decades when quick treatment will likely resolve this.

For example with me I started on community care but it wasn’t working and ended up sectioned (not a risk to myself or others) but because they wanted to get the dosages right quickly and assess me continuously. After I had psychiatrist and psychologist weekly for a number of months. And then continued care in the community when I was pregnant as was flagged pre/perinatal. The care I have had has been exceptional and at a level not comparable with most other mental health issues (like suicidal, depression etc.)

If I ever have another episode I have the crisis team right there. They will act quickly and reinstate my meds within 24 hrs and give quick support again. If private you don’t have any of this - or you do but have to pay for it and I doubt there’s a 24 private crisis team nationally.

A&E tomorrow morning OP. Don’t put it off.

I would say please keep this private and only share with someone in the family if you really really trust them. Speaking from personal experience everyone wants to know but very few care and even fewer know how to support when it comes to these things . I hope you have some friends who can offer you guys support in such difficult times .

MH department is overwhelmed like any other departments these days , can you ask him to go to A and E once you feel a bit better. As they have psychiatrist on duty who can asses and medicate accordingly. He needs to tell gp that he probably needs a different medication or dosage. I know you want to help and it's only natural to get upset but I feel sometimes when he is sharing just try to take it in without any reaction ( hide your reactions it necessary) as you mentioned he is a closed person and it's better if he tell you rather than keeping it to himself. My dh also shuts off if he sees any reaction even though the reaction is irrelevant to the discussion.

Sending lots of good wishes your way . I hope it gets sorted soon and he gets the help he needs. I know these things are really difficult to go through but hang in there.

A and E!!

They will have an emergency mental health team.