What I write here may seem like I'm being unsupportive or dramatic, but I have absolutely noone to talk to about my worries (hopefully unfounded) and I need to write them down.
Husband is currently very depressed. Been getting worse for the past 18 months. He's a very emotionally closed off person and has always been quite introverted & withdrawn so I was incredibly proud of him when he spoke to me about this & he went to the doctors. The doctor started him on sertraline and he's been referred to a mental health service. Currently waiting to be contacted by them.
He has been very withdrawn from our family, wider family, friends, social activities for a long time and it was building resentment in our marriage. I wasn't aware of his problems at the time. He's since told me he's hearing voices. This has been for the past couple of months. First started with someone shouting his name, waking him in the night, then he heard it in the supermarket etc. But now it's developed to what he says is constant chatter in his head. Sometimes sounds like other people's conversations, but is mostly 2 or 3 different voices giving him a running commentary on what he's doing, or saying negative things, or telling him he's a waste of space etc. So it's definitely getting worse.
I've noticed this past week he keeps closing his eyes and not always answering us. He's told me this morning it's because of the constant chatter & it's wearing him out. And he's sometimes missing what we are saying.
After much research I think he's suffering from psychosis caused by severe depression. He's also become very ocd & paranoid. I don't think it's schizophrenia.
Now, I feel desperately sorry for him & worried. Also very frustrated that he doesn't seem to be getting any help & the sertraline isnt working. But now my own selfish thoughts come in to play. He's been off work sick for quite a while now. He has a senior role & has a team under him. He had to study for years to qualify & has climbed the career ladder for the past 10 years & is now at the top. I became a housewife as it worked best that way for me to look after kids /house /husband. I don't see how he can work like this, it's not possible. I of course will get a job instead but I can only earn 1/5 of what he can & it would have to be topped up by universal credit. We will not be able to manage as our outgoings are large.
Our kids have picked up on his strange behaviour & he's always been detached. But my worst one now is that I feel scared of him. He's don't absolutely nothing to warrant me feeling scared but I don't know what's going on in his mind. He just sits there in some kind of zombie like state and doesn't leave the house. I'm worried these voices are going to tell him to do something bad. To himself or us. I have now started to struggle sleeping & feeling very stressed myself because I'm so worried about him. What are we going to do?