What traumas have you experienced?

[JamSandle]

I've been reflecting on my life and trying to figure out how much trauma I've experienced. This is because i feel like the impact of these things is lingering along inside me and I'm trying to figure out if its because I've had an adverse response to normal life events and have poor coping strategies.I've kept it vague to avoid being outing. Obviously also what people define as trauma is variable and not necessarily the dictionary definition.

I've listed:

• death of a parent (young)
• several relationship breakdowns including partners with addiction, infidelity and sociopathy
• chronic mental health condition
• marriage breakdown

I'm curious. What have you experienced that you consider to be a trauma?

@Shanksponyorbust Thank you. My mental health has been put on the back burner for the last few years (covid, home educating, life in general). Making some changes soon though that should help massively. I get by mostly, my main priority is making sure my son has a childhood he doesn't need to recover from. I'm confident I've broken the long chain of family abuse though which makes me happy.

Grew up without a dad, he left when I was tiny leaving me with the idea that something must have been wrong with me for him not to want me.

Raped at age 13.

Lots of fucked up relationships in my teens, including some older men which I now realise involved grooming and abuse.

Multiple miscarriages including one which was handled so badly by my workplace it ended my career and I haven't worked since.

Horrific aggravated burglary, held at knifepoint while they ransacked the house, including upstairs (while I was held downstairs) where my 4yo DC was sleeping.

It's been hard and I would still say I'm 'damaged' but I think I've mostly worked through it all, probably more at peace now (late 40's) than I've ever been.

Witnessed domestic violence between my parents as a child

was bullied as a child

went thru two break ups that completely broke me

was let go from jobs about 6 times due to companies downsizing

Death of my closest relative at the
time
Suicides x 3 (1 x bf, 2x v close friends)
Domestic violence
Bullying at work via a boss I later won (if you can call it that) a sizeable payout from
Miscarriage
The stress of being a SEND Parent
Death of a few close friends in last 3 years

The sudden, traumatic death of dd1.

I have experienced past trauma, and am now well on the way to recovery from mild PTSD.

If you knew what my trauma was, virtually nobody would consider it traumatic in the sense of what other posters have experienced.
However as a previous poster has pointed out, it's not the scale of the trauma, it's the person's response to it.

Yes this is so so important. Trauma gets passed down so not acknowledging it is problematic.

An individual is the arbitrator of whether something was traumatic for them not some outside judging panel.

I minimised and dismissed my trauma for years but it had the most significant impact on my health, my relationships, my parenting everything.

Everyone in my family tried to get me to put my trauma into a box so they don’t have to react to it and tried to tell me that my parents very abusive behaviour wasn’t traumatic because my brother’s sexual abuse was the trauma. But without a doubt my parent’s behaviour and the constant gaslighting from my family about my parents abusive behaviour has been the hardest thing I have ever dealt with. Nobody can tell you what is and isn’t traumatic.

My dad left when I was two and have never seen him since - he was at my grandmas once and left through the back door rather than see us.

A school friend lived near the cemetery and we would walk through there to her house. We found a lady hanging in the trees. Must have only been around 12.

My step dad had a heart attack at home and died. I had to do chest compressions till the ambulance staff arrived. I was 17.

My grandad had a stroke on my daughters birthday.

My mum passed away suddenly at 58 - pulmonary embolism. Had tea with her the night before, work called to say she hadn’t checked in the next day - Monday morning. Found dead at the bottom of the stairs.

Split up with my ex husband - he then went on to have two more kids and has now decided he identifies as a female. Turns up to school events in a skirt.

I sometimes think why do I take crazy pills? And then I think and I remember.

I'm just reading through these, I feel for you all it's bloody awful.

I'm not listing mine but last nights dream was me with an old friend hiding from bombs, I woke up believing yet again I was dodging life and death. I have ptsd and it's fucking awful. I've had many bumps in my road of life, we all have. Just be kind to each other and embrace to good in our world.

Much love xx

Grew up in pretty much a crack den with drug addicted parents, no flooring in house, not decorated, not even cleaned.

'Dad' physically and mentally abused us all when he wasn't lying out of it somewhere around the house.

This upbringing comes with the usual, of not being very well dressed with worn out clothes and shoes with holes in etc, sent to family members to ask for food so we could eat as all the money was obviously spent on drugs.

Lived in a hostel at 17 surrounded by drug addicts and alcoholics.

Gave birth at 18 and my mum died 6 weeks later, she was early 40s

Grandad died a couple weeks after my mum.

Child's dad is verbally abusive sometimes and has been aggressive in the past, not with him anymore.

I think I have PTSD and have been in fight or flight mode most of my life, my heads fucked.

It was actually good to write all that down I've never really spoken about it.

Sending so much love to everyone. Being human can be a rough ride. I too find listing it out quite healing and helpful, alongside looking at what I'm grateful for and the ways in which life has been kind.

Absolutely and overcoming trauma is an accomplishment too. One that people often don’t get credit for. This thread has been both harrowing to read but also tells of real human resilience.

• birth father abandoning me before I was born
• mother moving in with partner who emotionally abused horrifically me from toddlerhood until my early twenties. I developed severe panic attacks and anxiety and struggled ti leave the house/ work / function
• tracing my birth father and discovering he was a sick and twisted alcoholic who sexually abused me and was violent for 9 months
• breakdown of relationship with mother because of the horrible 20 years / zero support to get through the abuse

I am proud I survived and turned my life around with a lot of therapy. I have 2 beautiful children now and a husband who adores me.

Loss of a parent young
2 failed marriages (second one a horrific divorce)
good upbringing with excellent parents though