Help please

[EmmaH2022]

Lonely and tearful. AGAIN. So sick of having no support. So sick of being no one's priority.

I'm sorry you feel like this. Always here if you need a chat xx

Thank you Cat. I just don't know what to do, my so called best friend being "too busy" to even reply to messages is the worst.

I am starting to understand how and why people end up in terrible relationships but at 46 and overweight, that option might not even be available.

I realise I'm probably just talking to myself but in case it stops me sending a stupid message

I feel like saying "do you want to be friends or not?" What is it about regular contact that seems to be rare these days? I thought it was me but people messaged more than once a day before lockdown.

Can I ask what you consider to be regular contact? That can differ hugely from person to person. Did there used to be more contact and support but this has waned a little? If so, can you think of something that has happened between both of you to cause this? Or maybe something in her own life that may be taking priority at the moment.

Do you have other friends and family you can rely on for emotional support? I don't think it's reasonable or realistic to rely on one person so heavily, tbh

Devon yes, there was more contact

I don't rely on one person so heavily, it is just one of a series of things making me feel lonely and shit and I would be grateful not to be questioned when I'm pleading for online shoulders to cry on, in utter desperation.

please please reply, any non judgy shoulders. And this is mental health, so please please refrain from the nasty shit. I'm so upset right now I'm seriously debating knocking on 70 year old pervy neighbour door as he's the only person around who might listen to me.

I was in no way being nasty OP. I was trying to get a better lay of the land to see if there was any help anywhere else nearer to home and IRL.

I'm sorry you're going through such a bad time. I would advise you to contact another friend or trusted person to let them know what a desperate state you are in and ask for some immediate support. Or maybe telephone the samaritans or 111 to get some professional help straightaway rather than knocking at a neighbours door.

It can help to write out everything on paper that you want to say if there's no one immediately to talk to. It empties your brain of a lot of intrusive thoughts. You can write what you like, be as upset, angry, confused as you like - then screw it up and throw it away. I've done it before and it's helped. Can you cosy yourself up in blankets and make your self feel safe and secure? You can care for you, believe in yourself.

We are here OP, we are listening. Talk is through from the beginning? Because there’s no way this is just about your friend, albeit she sounds like she’s exasperating your feelings and letting you down while you need here. Is the main thing you’re battling right now loneliness?

Reese "Is the main thing you’re battling right now loneliness?"

yes. And I've joined things and volunteered and all that.

Yeah I hear you. You can fill your life with people but that’s not the same as having one person you can build your life with. Or even a group of close friends you can rely on and just “be” with. When was your last long term partner? Do you have close family?

Never really had a long term partner
I had solid reliable friends

family - no one who counts in this situation
I really miss people caring what I was up to every day

I can understand and relate to a degree as I never feel like I 'fit' and don't believe im the priority to anyone apart from my husband. So I know I'm lucky to have him.

Try and focus on the positives you have (there will be some!) and really reach out to people if you feel comfortable?

Where are based if you don't mind saying? Xx

Cat no one to reach out to

except pervy neighbour

im in London which I hate, but stuck with as long as mum is around. It’s easy to meet people. It doesn’t amount to much.

I just have to hope my luck will change. If I can move, I can get a pet. That will be good.

im sorry. I realise you can’t do anything. I just needed my desperation to be heard.

you're not alone OP. What kind of pet were you thinking?

Probably a cat.

I hear you, it's difficult feeling lonely. But you're not alone. I want to help you, what pet are you getting?

sounds great! Cats are lovely and easy to keep... is something stopping you?

just saying, we rent (and it's written in the contract: no pets) and still managed to get a foster dog

Focussing on things you are grateful for does sometimes help.

Try this: www.iamfeelinganxious.com

Are you still awake? Not popped to Pervy neighbour?

I live on a high floor and the flat is tiny and I couldn’t manage a pet here.

at some point I am going to have to think about dating. Pervy neighbour tried to stop me for a hug today. For the first time in my life, I understand his desperation. Perhaps I should just say “be my companion and you can have hugs, but nothing else”.

I don’t want a boyfriend but in the absence of friends, it might be an idea.

I’m not anxious
just lonely and miss having friends so much

Interesting you say you don’t want a boyfriend; why is that? It’s ok to want one. I know women are encouraged to be independent and not rely on a man, which I agree with, but I still think it’s ok to want a companion.

Thank you to everyone who has replied. I really appreciate it.

Oh no I know sorry, I usually use it when I’m feeling depressed, not anxious. So thought it might be worth a go. At least worth knowing it’s there.