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Suicidal feeling after ectopic, DS pregnancy and living with a GDD/ASD child

5 replies

highwaymumwasabaddie · 28/09/2022 11:01

I've reached my limit emotionally, sitting here with a box of cocodamol I've kept as almost a get out out of jail card. I'm off work for the week with (hopefully) a self correcting ectopic pregnancy after ivf. I feel so alone and angry, embarrassed a whole mix of emotions about my life. Last summer I was pregnant but at 16 weeks had an abortion as the baby had downs syndrome. I also have a nearly 4 yr old DS with GDD and ASD who is non verbal. I sit here and think, how did my life turn to absolute shit? I'm a bad mother as I have days where I don't even want to engage with my DS as Im so exhausted and down. I know I'm selfish and cowardly.. I just can't take this pain at 38 knowing I will never have a healthy child..ivf is financially draining and emotionally torturous. I've asked to go on anti depressants although I'm scared it would cause defects in a pregnancy. I've done ivf with a sperm donor for fear that DH autism will carry to another child. Is it worth all this pain? Do I keep going and risk my mental health? Or make do with a life of looking after my disabled DS? I constantly feel angry, sad and bitter about my life. Then I start to think, well maybe this all happened to me bc I AM a bad person. I didn't take the pills..too pathetic and scared of surviving. I'm so lonely, is there anyone out there who has a story like me and ve through? Is ivf at my age even worth it? I suppose I'm looking for hope and support. My friends all have healthy, happy families and I find it painful to even be around that. Over the last couple of years I've switched off socially and emotionally. I no longer go on any social media for self preservation. I hate being this person but I feel like I shut down a long time ago. I realise how pathetic I sound. I just need some support.

OP posts:
highwaymumwasabaddie · 28/09/2022 12:07

Anyone?

OP posts:
Hugasauras · 28/09/2022 12:48

I didn't want to read and run Flowers I'm so sorry things are shit for you right now. Have you tried anywhere like the Samaritans? Can you call your GP and tell them honestly how bad things are? You are going through A LOT and you need some support. Does your husband/partner know how bad things are for you just now?

SparklingLime · 28/09/2022 12:56

You’ve been through so much. Anyone would struggle with such a draining and complex situation. You are not a bad person or a bad mother, but when things are just too overwhelming our brains can tend to blame ourselves as a (shit) coping mechanism.

You definitely need some more support irl. Can you afford private counselling? Have you already talked to your GP, specific support groups etc?

Flowers
canihaveawineyet · 28/09/2022 13:21

I didn't want to read and run. You are neither selfish or cowardly, you have been given an extremely difficult hand. I'm afraid that I don't have any advice to offer, but please know that you are important and your life is precious x

DawnMumsnet · 28/09/2022 14:15

Hi highwaymumwasabaddie,

We're so sorry you're going through this.

We can see that you're getting some good support from other Mumsnetters here on your thread but we just wanted to add a few links to the help that's available in real life when you're feeling this low.

Here's a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected] or call them, any time on 116 123.

We'd also like to steer you towards help that's available from the HFEA - their website has some information on getting emotional support during IVF treatment.

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust can also give you some much-needed support. Please click on this link for more information.

We'd also second the advice to contact your GP and explain how you're feeling.

We really hope you're okay.

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