I need help to get out, I don't really know what to say to the council because a lot of people go through worse in terms of abuse so I feel stupid complaining about things that are happening to me, and also there's no real proof of what's happening either so what happens if they don't believe me and I end up completley homeless with 2 children? I'll lose my children won't I?
I tried to commit suicide 2 year ago and so my boyfriend would have a pretty good reason to say I'm unstable and I'd be likely to lose my children if I can't even provide them with shelter. He has never hit me - he's hit walls and punched holes in doors and thrown things, but he's never hit me. He shouts a lot and can be verbally abusive but then denies that he's ever said things and so I don't know if he actually did say those things or I've gotten confused/misheard or just made it up in my head. I question everything, I might even be abusive to him I don't know, I just know I have got to get out.
Recently, I think he had sex with me in my sleep (I had a thread about that at the time, still very confused about that) but two nights ago I woke up to him using my hand to mastuebate himself (I pretended to stay asleep, so yes I let it happen and its probably my own fault) and touching me. I didn't want to say anything to him because no matter what I say it will always be turned round on me and I end up feeling guilty and awful like I'm the person doing all the wrong things. Truthfully I'm not easy to live with and I'm not a great partner at the moment but I don't want to be here and I'm suicidal again and it's not fair on our children and I don't know what to do. There's no proof to any of this so the council aren't going to believe me are they?
I don't earn enough to support us - nowhere near enough - I can't work more hours, I can't get a better paid job, I can't wait till I've done a whole qualification to get out I need to get out because right now I can only see one way out and that's going to leave my children without a mother and I don't want to do that to them.