Irrational fear of babies being swapped despite photos

[Ano]

I know I sound crazy, but I'm still insecure and my appointment with my psychologist isn't very soon.

When I was a kid, my mum used to worry that I was switched at the hospital until I look like my dad (then she stopped airing her worry). She had anxiety disorder.

After I gave birth to my lovely baby boy, she said that my baby could also be switched at the hospital because I didn't follow him when a midwife took him away every morning for about 15 minutes to refresh him in another room. At first I didn't pay attention to my mum, but one day it just hit me and the fear has since resurfaced every now and then.

I felt guilty because at that time my husband stayed with us too, but neither of us thought of him asking the midwife to follow the baby to his morning bath (which I presumed would have been allowed had we asked). I myself had a C-section (still sore to move about back then) and just trusted the midwives. But there were indeed many births, the midwives were stressed, and my mom said my baby (now 3 months old) doesn't look Asian at all even though the dad is Japanese (I'm European).

I compared two photos: one right after birth (before my baby was separated from me) and the other at home. The constellation of the Milia (white dots on the nose, which have disappeared completely by now) on both photos looks the same, doesn't it???

My mum said they are not identical. My husband said that's just the slightly different angle and quality of the pics, but they are identical. He thinks everything my mum said is a nonsense and he doesn't want to do a DNA test, and that I have to trust my own eyes.

But it's as if I couldn't trust my own eyes, because the quality of the photos are not the best, and they are the only close-ups we took when the white dots were still there.

What do you all think? Do you think this is just intrusive thoughts and post-natal depression playing tricks on me? Please help comparing 😭 (see photo below).

Thank you!

P.S. I love him so much of course. Making me afraid this is just borrowed time if he was indeed swapped!

Babies all have tags put on them in hospital to say who they are with your details too. Even if by some horrible chance the midwives mixed them up (although I don't think there's any chance of that at all) they would have had to take the tags off and swap them.

I'm sorry your mother has passed her anxiety on to you.

The milia look identical, there is absolutely zero chance that they are not from the same nose.

If it helps you put this issue to bed though why not do a DNA test if you have the cash?

They are identical and as PP has said , the system used in hospital these days ensures that this doesn't happen. With respect, I would listen to your husband . Your mum is projecting her longstanding mental health fears onto you which isn't healthy or fair. She needs to get help. Maybe you could discuss this with your community midwife or health visitor with your husband present,OP ?( I know that in some places the service has been cut back but you will still see someone at some point ?)
Good luck

Absolutely identical. No question.

Oh OP, another saying please listen to your husband on this. Those photos are identical - it's the same baby I promise you ❤️

That is 100% the same. Please look after yourself and see a medical professional to help with your anxiety x

Same nose in both photos OP.
Your baby will have had a ankle bracelet with your name on it put on pretty much as soon as he was born. - your husband may have seen them do it if he was in the room when they did your C section.

Those babies are definitely the same.

Your mother is mentally ill. The things she is saying are truly cruel and horrible.

Focus on your lovely baby and minimise contact with your mad mother.

Those pictures look absolutely identical to me. The lighting is just different in one of them. The position of the tiny white spots is the same. I really doubt they could have searched the hospital to find a baby with virtually identical placement of spots. It's your intrusive thoughts. Hope you can get some help and start enjoying your baby

Babies have little tags put on them when they are born that go round their ankle. (I think it's the ankle, it's been over 20 years since mine were born)

Do you think that the midwife took your baby, took another baby, cut off the tags, wrote new tags and put both tags on the wrong babies then brought you back switched babies?

I am genuinely sorry for your mum that she went through that fear when you were born but she is being massively unfair on you to transfer that fear onto you now.

Try to think logically.

Ask her how tags would accidentally be cut off, switched and replaced.

Ask yourself that.

Oh OP poor you - your baby has not been switched. That's the same nose. Please try to relax x

I think your mother sounds borderline abusive. How much influence does she have on your life? It's a vulnerable time raising a newborn and it doesn't sound as though she's a healthy influence on you.

Those white spots are identical.

You need to tell your mother that she must stop bringing this up with you.

Those photos are 100% identical. Look after yourself OP. I hope you get the anxiety under control and feel better soon xx

Definitely identical.

Agree with the tag comments. In fact, mine have all had two bracelets put on in case one slipped off. DS1's got covered in poo, so I kept the other one. DS3's got cut in an annoying place, so I kept the other one for him too. Also, I went with my third baby for his first bath and some other things. There was no opportunity for him to be accidentally switched at any point, because he was constantly in the arms of the same midwife, and also, they only did the bath/change/etc for one baby at a time - there was one changing mat and sink set up, so no space for two (although the room was theoretically big enough). There are no massive nurseries these days, because babies are kept with their mother 99% of the time. I have a photo of the room, I guess it's standard. You can see his hospital bracelet too (he had a second one on his ankle).

100% speak to your health visitor or midwife about this worry - I expect they will be able to reassure you about the processes in hospital that are in place to prevent mix ups. Mixing up two patients would be extremely dangerous (think about babies that need medication for example, or somebody going in for surgery!) so hospitals are very very careful to avoid it. Not just for the emotional problem of mixing up two babies, but for medical reasons too.

Oh love! You poor thing. That’s your baby in both pictures.

As others have said the babies are immediately labelled in hospital so maybe your husband can help reassure you of this.

OP that's the same baby. I fully understand though. My midwife came back from washing ds and said "oh there was another baby born at the same time". This sent me into a spiral that lasted months of thinking he might have been swapped. In fact I was even thinking of it the other day as someone said he looks nothing like me (true). He is 17!!! Sometimes our brains just like to torment us.

Also, I have a nephew who is half Asian, and he doesn't look obviously Asian all the time. That's definitely normal and doesn't mean that he isn't your DH's son.

And I have a friend whose mum is Japanese and I had no idea until she told me. It's not always obvious with genes.

Thank you, all, for the helpful answers!

Deep in me I know these are unhealthy intrusive thoughts. My baby did get bracelets on both wrists, but I was very dizzy after the C-section so that I didn't notice them right away. My husband said the bracelets were fastened after he was born, but at the beginning he didn't remember directly, so it made me worried some more 😅. I'm not talking much with my mum these days to give myself some "space".

MIL also keeps saying DS2 (who is literally DH's clone) looks nothing like DH and nothing like anybody and she can't think who he looks like Whereas DS3, who I think looks more like me, she says oh I can see DH in him! He looks just like you.

(DS2 and DS3 look like identical twins to anyone outside immediate family, too).

I’m so sorry your mum has got to you OP. There’s no doubt in my mind whatsoever that this is your baby. Please tell your mum that she’s pushing her anxiety onto you and it needs to stop.

Logically ask what would be the purpose of someone deliberately swapping your babies? These stories you hear are mix ups that will never happen now due to the changes made years ago to ensure that couldn’t happen and wouldn’t happen. So what purpose would going to the HUGE and immensely illegal and sackable/criminal efforts of swapping babies serve?

none. Exactly. Because it didn’t happen. Tell your mum to stop talking about it and seek medical advice for her obvious issues and also if you are concerned about your own post partum feelings, ask for help too. X

Ime becoming a dm yourself does make you question your own dm - and her role in your life as it changes. You are now a real grown up op! You can make choices about who is appropriate to be around you and your dc with more clarity than ever before! I am nc with my dm. Giving yourself space from yours is absolutely ideal right now.
Cut her down every time she talks such nonsense. Or tell her you may won't be around her at all.

I suffer horribly with anxiety and would never portray my anxiety onto others. That is exactly what your mother is doing.

Babies get their tags on their wrist/legs straight away when they're born. Usually when they're being checked over after the first cuddles from mummy/daddy.

Those pictures are exactly the same from what I can see. And of course your child doesn't have to 'look' Asian. Your mother needs to stop with her comments.

Your baby is yours. Enjoy every minute.