Irrational fear of babies being swapped despite photos

[Ano]

I know I sound crazy, but I'm still insecure and my appointment with my psychologist isn't very soon.

When I was a kid, my mum used to worry that I was switched at the hospital until I look like my dad (then she stopped airing her worry). She had anxiety disorder.

After I gave birth to my lovely baby boy, she said that my baby could also be switched at the hospital because I didn't follow him when a midwife took him away every morning for about 15 minutes to refresh him in another room. At first I didn't pay attention to my mum, but one day it just hit me and the fear has since resurfaced every now and then.

I felt guilty because at that time my husband stayed with us too, but neither of us thought of him asking the midwife to follow the baby to his morning bath (which I presumed would have been allowed had we asked). I myself had a C-section (still sore to move about back then) and just trusted the midwives. But there were indeed many births, the midwives were stressed, and my mom said my baby (now 3 months old) doesn't look Asian at all even though the dad is Japanese (I'm European).

I compared two photos: one right after birth (before my baby was separated from me) and the other at home. The constellation of the Milia (white dots on the nose, which have disappeared completely by now) on both photos looks the same, doesn't it???

My mum said they are not identical. My husband said that's just the slightly different angle and quality of the pics, but they are identical. He thinks everything my mum said is a nonsense and he doesn't want to do a DNA test, and that I have to trust my own eyes.

But it's as if I couldn't trust my own eyes, because the quality of the photos are not the best, and they are the only close-ups we took when the white dots were still there.

What do you all think? Do you think this is just intrusive thoughts and post-natal depression playing tricks on me? Please help comparing 😭 (see photo below).

Thank you!

P.S. I love him so much of course. Making me afraid this is just borrowed time if he was indeed swapped!

Oh OP, your baby was absolutely
not switched, and your mum has a lot to answer for - poisoning your mental state with her totally disordered thinking.

All is well

"on borrowed time" this line really stood out to me, as its something that I'm sure many people with anxiety feel, including me.

Our biggest (and often unspoken) fear is that someone will take our baby away from us.
Your anxiety is focusing your mind on that fear.

I see anxiety like running water, it will find an outlet, whether it's health, baby swapping, or anything else. It's the anxiety not reality, I promise you.

The photos are identical.

You tell,your mother to stop making these remarks or she is not allowed to visit again. She must stop, it's feeding your paranoia. You know it's nonsense. Anyone knows this is nonsense.

Your mum needs professional help. Shame on her for haranguing you to the point that you are now having the same doubts.

For one thing, your baby’s two pictures are identical. For another, newborn babies all look very different from one another. There is no way you wouldn’t know if your baby had been swapped.

Logic tends to be the way out of these holding patterns of thought, IME.

My daughters each had two ID bracelets that went on as soon as they were born and they didn't come off until each girl came home with us. Not even for baths, and I was able to stand up and observe the midwife bathing mine. TBH, I may have had to use scissors to get the ID bracelets off once we got home.

So, if you've saved the baby bracelets for memories, that's a tangible item you can look at, to remind yourself that procedure was followed.

You can think of how a day-old newborn feels when you hold them. If a midwife took baby out of the room for a few minutes for a bath, it would have taken both of her hands and her undivided attention to do that safely. And then the safest, and easiest, next step would be to bring baby all swaddled and clean straight back to you, where you can then give baby undivided attention.

If your baby slept in a bed next to you on postnatal, then there was no hospital nursery. Again, this lowers the chance of being mixed up.

Babies change a lot from one day to the next, so I wouldn't worry about yours looking like your husband yet. My youngest looked E.T. at a few days old, and then like my grandpa 👴🏻 for a while, and then like my husband for a bit, and now looks mostly like my mom with my husband's red hair.

A longer term strategy might be speaking with your GP about your mum's anxiety and the influence it has on you just now. A discussion might bring some relief and point you towards solutions that will work effectively to get through this period, or the next time it becomes an issue. Best of luck.

Outside of your anxiety, is there any part of you that doesn’t think the baby is yours? When you hold him? What’s your intuition telling you?

What would the reason be for swapping babies?
I would think that it just doesn’t benefit anyone.

Sorry but your mother is disgusting, she has no valid concerns but is just trying to sabotage your bonding with your child. What a horrible way to manipulate you. The photos are of the same child. Tell her to pay for a dna test if she’s so concerned.

I have a Japanese baby too! Recently got into a discussion with DP trying to remember if I had actually and unknowingly slept with anyone else in the time we were conceiving as he has such fair hair and hazel eyes 😂

I think Japanese features and genes must just easily be overwritten by European ones 🤷🏻‍♀️ Meant in the most gentlest way obviously. Was expecting mine to have dark hair and eyes like daddy xxx

I have a Chinese pal who married a fair white man. Her daughter doesn't look obviously like either parent. The girl is a subtle mix of them both.

OP I work in Labour ward. The babies born by c section in theatre can't leave the room until they're labelled, it's a part of the WHO sign out checklist we have to do at the end of each section. The labels don't come off the whole time they're in hospital so the baby couldn't have been swapped.

Please speak to your gp/health visitor though about how you've been feeling.

You need to distance yourself from your mum. She’s making her mental health problems become yours.

@BertieBotts Your baby looks so lovely! Thank you for posting it. I gave birth in Germany, but I suppose the procedure (and the room) is standard too.

Thanks again for everyone for the lovely words. Truly, they are helping.

That was actually in Germany as well 🙂 only my first baby was born in the UK, and no midwife ever took him anywhere as they are so short staffed! You have to do everything yourself.

Since you're in Germany, you could speak to your Hebamme, if you have one, or your Kinderarzt, both of those could reassure you about procedures in hospital.

Do you have a local Startpunkt Elterncafé? These are similar to the old sure start children's centres in the UK and they are brilliant. There will often be a visiting Hebamme who will be happy to talk (they often speak English too) to you about absolutely anything that is worrying you. They are great for just getting out of the house and meeting other families too.

@BertieBotts Oh, what a coincidence! And here I am thinking, the room on your photo looks so familiar. I suppose it's not the Limburg hospital? 😀

I did have a nice Hebamme, but I was too embarrassed to talk about this with her, afraid she would think I'm crazy. I have a free offer to chat with a psychiatrist from my workplace, though, only I'm still on the waiting list right now.

The hospital I gave birth to was understaffed too. Seems this is the situation everywhere in Germany. I used to live in Asia with my husband, and our friends who gave birth there were treated like queens😊.

That's why I wasn't prepared with the hospitals here. My husband stayed with me in the Familienzimmer, and he changed the diapers all the time in the first two days because I was still sore from the C-section. One of the Hebamme was horrible to me: she said I should be ashamed of myself and that I could die of blood clots if I didn't move more. Because of this, I wanted to go home before the U2 at the hospital (booked for the 4th day, the day I was to be discharged), but then she said how if our Kinderarzt was fully booked and could not do the U2 for the baby? Then the Jugendamt would come to fetch the baby from me, and worst, the baby could become ill.

I think this is where my paranoia about the baby-swap started unconsciously, triggered with my mum's comments later about swapped babies. I was thinking, if she's this horrible, how if she swapped my baby out of malice? The other Hebamme were nice, though (one was awfully nice), and as far as I remember, she wasn't one of the Hebamme who took my baby away to be bathed each morning.

Anyway, I showed the nose-photos to my dad, and he reassured me too 😌. On good days I can think logically, but sometimes my minds just spiral out of control. Sorry for the long answer. It's so nice to get this out of my chest, and you're really helpful!

10000000% same baby I can promise you ❤️🥰

@ShareLove Thank you for reassuring me! 😊

My children are mixed race and our first born is the whitest child possible. She’s paler than me. Our second born is almost as dark as his dad. My point is mixed babies don’t always have 50/50 genes in their appearance. The nose pictures are 10000% the same baby but obviously that’s not going to be enough on a bad day. Can you ask for some counselling?

I'm a midwife, and honestly the bracelets go on straight away. They are made up before the birth with all of your details on them, and normally they are clipped onto the baby's crib . As soon as the baby is born , the bracelets are put on their wrist and ankle . There is no way that any baby would leave the room where he/she is born, without having id bracelets put on. Your baby is definitely yours , you can rest easy.

Thank you, @Thurst and @starrynight21 !

I also grew up with a mother who had some ideas and anxieties that weren’t in line with reality. It’s complicated because she’s supposed to be the person who explains the world to you. I try to discount any worry or concern that doesn’t come from my own instinct. Also I never ever tell my mother about illnesses the kids have until they are over (or anything else that is part of her weird ideas).

Just some addition, you're right that there are bad days, but it helps that many mothers on this thread helped comparing the milia on the nose and said they are the same 😉.

@Throwawaytoday You're also right that anxiety is like water. When I'm overthinking about other absurd things, then I worry less about this thing! Thank you for sharing this.