Severe panic in 12 year old boy

[schoolissues1234]

Hello.
my son has always been the quieter / anxious side or things but we felt has blossomed in confidence / academically and socially in the past year and a half

He started high school about a month ago (Scotland) lasted a week and a half, seemed to be coping and then came home ill and it’s been a living nightmare ever since

.its like a switch flicked in his brain and he’s not the same person. Hasn’t been back in school, severe and constant anxiety and very extreme panic attacks over things he could previously cope with (small mistake in work, seeing a spider etc). The panic attacks are scary, he screams, cries, shortness of breath, rocks, sometimes goes vacant like in a trance.

In between he seems quite vacant too. Isn’t eating or sleeping properly and is down. Can’t bring himself to see friends etc.

i have of course been to GP and have referal to CAHMs but am wondering if there are other services I should try to access first, or while I wait.

has anyone been through something like this?
thank you

Get him to read self help for your nerves by Claire weekes. It's a start and will help him get better and through this x

If he is totally not himself and the change came suddenly has he had a thorough physical check up? Look up PANDAS and see if any symptoms match up.

I have never heard of PANDAS, would there be other symptoms?

To be honest he has had bouts of anxiety in the past, including second lockdown. So I do think he may be predisposed.

My DS used the Calm App to help him through his anxiety before we got professional help, ie while we were waiting. Imo it's the only way to go. Can you go private to get him help faster?

yes we have been recommended someone privately to see, although it’s still a month on the waiting list.

may I ask what help you for your son in the end? I’m struggling to imagine him getting back to school for eg as he’s so overwhelmed. His dad tried to take him camping and they had to abandon and come back as he had a panic attack :(

DS12 went through this in Yr5. He'd always been a quiet anxious kid, has some SEN and was struggling with the lack of support but seemed to be doing 'OK'. One morning he got up and started screaming that he couldn't go to school, rocking in a ball on the floor. We'll never really know how or why exactly it started. I can't lie, it was hideous for a time. He talked about wanting to die, refused school, had regular panic attacks, increasingly isolated himself because of his anxieties. He actually improved a lot over lockdown because he was happiest isolating at home but it was much worse again when normality resumed. We did get him back into school (primary) but he had to be hauled off me kicking and screaming most mornings :(

We are three years down the line now (inc lockdown) and he is so much better. He still has anxiety and needs support with it most days, but he's in school and is generally a pretty happy kid. What has worked well for us is CBT and exposure therapy from CAMHS, approaching things at an absolute snail's space, and accepting that he needs time to achieve milestones that most kids would tick off with no problems. We've also had excellent support from his secondary school so I would get them involved in discussions as soon as you can.

In the short term I can recommend some books, I'll post links in a mo.

Please take care of yourself too, it is brutal to have your child go through something this and it can take a lot out of you. Hang in there it does get better xx

CAMHS use this: www.amazon.co.uk/Helping-Your-Child-Fears-Worries/dp/1472138619/ref=asc_df_1472138619/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=310973726618&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=2943836096458597128&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9045999&hvtargid=pla-684582770619&psc=1&ref_=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=078e9762-7ede-4ab4-b103-05f0a9021d5e

Aimed at younger kids but very good: www.amazon.co.uk/Starving-Anxiety-Gremlin-Children-Aged/dp/1849054924/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?crid=MW6ST03AQ2YV&keywords=starving+the+anxiety+gremlin&qid=1663539353&sprefix=starving+a%2Caps%2C74&sr=8-2

Excellent website: notfineinschool.co.uk/

My sons anxiety was linked to a traumatic event which kick started stomach aches, feeling sick and obsession with the toilet, which obviously made getting him to school difficult.
Having been through periods of anxiety and panic attacks I know from experience that the only way to deal with it is to persevere with normal life, no matter how hard. Put in place anything that can help. For my son that was medical pass to use the toilet, and making sure all his teachers were aware.
His therapy was amazing and worked wonders. I will be forever grateful and wld have moved heaven and earth to help him.
Your DSs situation is obviously different, but I guess the basics are the same. If you can get him to school etc, and trying to live as he usually would as much as possible until you get the professional help, that in itself will be a challenge and I honestly feel for you. I get the 'living nightmare', it's a terrible thing to go through. Have you approached the school? Hopefully they can help.
I don't know if it's any comfort at all, but my DS 3 years on is a million times better. I like to think that dealing with it so young they 'forget' about it easier than an adult would.

@Ifulikepinacoladas I completely agree re battling through the normal routine regardless. Like you say it's incredibly hard but it is definitely the best approach long term, otherwise you let the avoidance behaviours validate the anxiety and it spirals. My DS also has a toilet pass, he's allowed to take his work to a separate space at times where he's feeling wobbly. When he was school refusing in primary he was allowed to go in late, through the office, or be met by a TA, but he did have to go in somehow. So hard.
I have the same hope re my DS, that by dealing with it relatively young, and learning coping skills now, he'll actually be better qualified to deal with mh wobbles when he's older and won't dwell on it quite so much longterm.

Have a look at the Facebook group "Not fine in school" . It is full of information, support and the file section is very useful.

Very good advice upthread OP, and for what it is worth I hope you are managing as much self-care as you can for yourself, as I imagine the stress of seeing your son suffer in this way must be considerable.

PANS / PANDAS is a controversial entity but the sudden onset of symptoms you describe, in conjunction with illness, makes me think it would be sensible to ask for throat swabs and blood tests to cover that base and rule out an organic cause for your son’s acute deterioriation in mental health.

Thank you all for your advice. The only thing I am unable to do at the moment is get him into school, though I agree that would be better, but unfortunately in the mornings he has panic attacks etc and freezes refusing to budge. It’s sad as he says he wants to go but can’t.

My daughter ( now 17) started having panic attacks at school, in supermarkets, in town and they increased in severity in year 9. In lockdown she developed agoraphobia. We managed slowly to get her into one school building only over year 10 and 11. We managed to get medical needs teaching for English and maths and she taught herself sciences ( ended up with 8.8) CAHMS support was useless and non existent. I got her seen by a psychiatrist who prescribed Sertraline. This has helped. She can do more now but has online school KingsInterhigh for her A levels and that is working well.

It's a long road. There's a good book called DARE worth reading. I hope you get more support than we have.

Just to add my daughter loved school too it was heartbreaking. KingsInterhigh is very good.

@pompomdaisy How did you deal with socialisation etc? I have looked into Interhigh etc but I am worried he would be without any friends.

Is there any bargaining you could do to get him in for any amount of the day? ie just doing afternoons so it's short? We had nearly every morning of DS crying and then if necessary I'd have to drive him to school, and have to order him out the car. It sounds horrible and harsh (and I could still cry about it) but as PP said, once you start avoiding situations your world starts to shut down and get very small, you have a mental list of things/places you can't do/go to.

We never had a referral to CAHMS, it was a referral to a child psychologist, who assessed DS, then assigned us to the therapist. This was through private health insurance. Is that an option? Sorry, just trying to think of ways your DS could be seen quicker.

@schoolissues1234 so Hannah has friends from her old school she sees at weekends then she has a WhatsApp with pupils in her lessons. They chat and there are clubs starting up this week. Also meet ups arranged as each year group has parents that arrange meeting regionally. It's the number 1 concern for parents but it's not proving to be as big an issue as I thought.

@schoolissues1234 I wished I had done it sooner. Her panic disorder meant trying to get back into somewhere she had suffered major panic episodes was doubly difficult. Now she's able to enjoy learning again.

Yeh, the thought of taking a kid having a panic attack up to school and forcing him out the door doesn't seem right to me at all.

To be honest, it's the kind of thing that might work on his younger sister as she's really resilient, but I feel my son is so mentally unstable that it would backfire.

Thanks @pompomdaisy that is really good to hear. My son doesn't really do any after school activities (apart from music and coding which are solitary) so it is a concern for me as he has a nice bunch of school friends.

Just to clarify my DS wasn't having panic attacks. As I said it was a different situation to your DS. So I was never forcing him into school panicking, and that's not what I suggested doing at all. More trying to see if you can find an acceptable middle ground.

Sorry I didn’t mean to sound like I was having a go at you! More just I wish that was an option for my son and I can see in a more resilient kid it would be x

No problem, I understand what you mean. I truly hope you get the help your DS needs. Anxiety is so powerful and too many kids suffer with it. It can be overcome. The treatment and route to getting better is tough because its changing the way your brain reacts and takes a lot of hard work by the person suffering, but with the right help your DS can do it.

@schoolissues1234 I would say pm me but the facility doesn't work on here for me now. I'm sure I could help though having spent the last few years going through this.

I have been in this exact situation and my ds was out of school for nearly 3 yrs. He started secondary and managed until Christmas Yr 7 and then didn’t go back. He had panic attacks and huge anxiety.

He’s now started a new school all of 2 weeks ago in Yr 10 that is tiny. So far so good.

I would check what help you’re entitled to if he’d not in school. In England if a child is out of school for 15 days due to ill health the LA have a duty of care to provide education. I don’t know if it’s the same in Scotland but your council website should have an education page with this info. I did find this too -

www.gov.scot/binaries/content/documents/govscot/publications/advice-and-guidance/2015/06/guidance-education-children-unable-attend-school-due-ill-health/documents/00479700-pdf/00479700-pdf/govscot%3Adocument/00479700.pdf

It took 6 months and me losing my shit at the school and LA before we were referred to hospital education. I wish I’d started the process earlier.

He’s been referred to CAMHS 3 times and 3 yrs on we’re still waiting for meaningful input from them. I’ve given up on them and scraped the money together to see a private psychiatrist and he’s now on meds.
She has been amazing. I love her!

Of course every child is different but in working with the psychiatrist we found out that in trying to make him go to school in the early days of it all made everything a million times worse and destroyed his trust. I took the decision to stop and then lockdown happened and he was like a different child.

Big mainstream is not for everyone and that’s ok. There is another way if need be but it’s a case of finding that which is stressful. So many kids are in this situation it’s just not spoken about that much. I’ve had so much criticism and opinions from people on what they think I should be doing, that I’m pandering to him etc as if I wanted an anxious child out of school.

I really feel for you and if you want to dm me please do. It’s so upsetting to see your child in pain like this. My ds is not anxiety free by any means and some things are very hard but he’s slowly getting more resilient.

@Mydogisweird it sounds like your experience is similar to mine. People talk of resilience etc but with this condition it isn't about resilience. My DD loved school, every element of it.