Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Who's up for an experiment?!

31 replies

9to5jingles · 16/08/2022 21:57

So severely depressed.
I had 3 panic attacks yesterday although no one noticed 1 today
Not spoken more than 10 word since yesterday husband not noticed only 6 yo noticed.
No phone calls or msg I could drop dead and barely a soul would care I'm betting at least 7 days until the husband notices and comments?

OP posts:
autocollantes · 17/08/2022 15:40

OP has your H always been this "attentive"? I've found that all the therapy in the world, even for past significant trauma cannot deeply help when in your current, daily life, at home (the place you can't "go home from", unlike work) you are treated like shit on the bottom of your "D"Hs shoe.

It basically compounds the impact of any previous trauma, especially from neglectful and/or abusive parents because it's happening again in real time. The idea of EMDR is to process the trauma, to put it in the past where it belongs, but if a similar thing is happening in a significant relationship at present then the positive impact of the therapy is not very obvious.

I'm obviously not sure what you'd past is, but I want to raise the possibility that if the way you're currently treated by someone who is supposed to love and cherish you above all others, is an ongoing thing, then the source of your mental distress may not lie entirely within you. Meaning therapy can help with some things, but the impact of your living situation should be underestimated by you, and as a result neither should your "inability" to benefit from therapy.

Imagine if you had a partner who noticed you and how you were doing and didn't treat you like an inconvenience. Would that change anything? Possibly?

You do have a lovely sounding little girl. She obviously loves and needs you a lot. That is wonderful but in my experience can also be tiring. As much as you can let yourself feel her love. In a few - not many - years she'll need you just a little less for daily stuff and she'll love you just the same. Mothering becomes easier and a bit less tiring then.

I don't have advice re meds etc because that's all so individual. Don't give up though. Speak to the GP even if it feels like there's no point.

autocollantes · 17/08/2022 15:41
  • but the impact of your living situation should NOT be underestimated by you
Dalaidramailama · 17/08/2022 15:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FatherJacksBrick · 17/08/2022 15:57

I will caveat this post at the start. I have been depressed for 18 years so I have a wealth of first hand experience with it. Like you I've tried CBT, counselling, Mirtzapine, Citalopram, etc etc, nothing ever works for more than a month or two.

Please don't allow your mental health to rest on whether or not anyone else notices. I've been there in the past thinking that no one cares about me and thinking I should just put myself out of my misery and no one would notice.

The truth is that people would notice, people do care, but people are inherently caught up in their own lives and sometimes need a prompt or two. I thought my DH was like how you describe yours, but the fact is that he was so caught up in trying to pick up the pieces from my falling apart life that he was struggling himself.

May I kindly suggest that you start with the only person you can actually change - you. Take yourself out for a slow walk with no kids. Notice the flowers, take a camera if you like photography. Take some time to breathe and reset. Find yourself, don't limit who you are to what your DH notices. If you don't like walking try and remember what used to give you joy and give it a go. Even if it's only for five minutes.

I really hope you find some solace with yourself. Keep on keeping on. Five minutes at a time, then an hour, then a day. You'll get there in the end.

I hope this post hasn't sounded too trite.

ArabellaScott · 17/08/2022 16:23

Have you got any family or friends you could call, OP?

Sending you Brew

DawnMumsnet · 17/08/2022 18:13

Hi 9to5jingles,

We're so sorry you're feeling this way.

We've moved your thread over to our Mental Health topic as, though we can see you're getting some good advice and support from other Mumsnetters, AIBU can sometimes be a bit harsh and not the best place if you're feeling low.

We thought it might help if we added a link to our Mental Health resources as there are many organisations listed which could give you some more support in real life. The Samaritans are there for you too, by emailing [email protected] or calling 116 123, any time.

We also wanted to let you know about a new text service called Shout - please click on this link for further information - giveusashout.org. Shout 85258 is a free, confidential, 24/7 text messaging support service for anyone who is struggling to cope. They can help with a range of issues including anxiety and depression or if you're feeling overwhelmed.

Keep talking here, OP. We really hope you're okay.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page