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Original poster

Need cheering up :(

91 replies

sparkler1 · 26/11/2004 12:27

Really could do with some cheering up right now. Step dad has been in hospital for about a week - ongoing problems with bronchitis. He had a bad turn the other night and is now in the high dependancy unit. We just thought that he would pull through and would just carry on as before. Mum went to visit him last night and was taken to a room and told that he was pretty bad and that if anything was to happen that they probably wouldn't try and resus him. This has really shocked us all and we are all feeling really numb right now. Staff have told us to take things day by day.

OP posts:
Original poster
sparkler1 · 26/11/2004 22:33

No problem nailpolish that's fine. Thanks for your support. Just wish someone had a magic wand that I could borrow for a short while. It would be so good if he was able to come home and could have a reasonably good Christmas with us all. We don't even know if that will happen as yet. We are just playing the waiting game with everything.

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joash · 26/11/2004 23:06

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Original poster
sparkler1 · 26/11/2004 23:09

I have been handling things so well this evening. Suddenly things have caught up with me and I have just had a good blub with dh. Why is life so flaming unfair?

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champs · 27/11/2004 14:43

just seen this sparkler. I have no real words to say. Just wanted to add my (((((hugs)))).
How are you today? It is good to let out the tears as bottling it all up can be very stressful.
Hopind Sunday will bring a new outlook, Love to you and your family. xxx

CountessDracula · 27/11/2004 14:46

sparkler, I really do know what you are going through - my stepfather had a stroke recently, now has a blocked bile duct and jaundice and has approx 2 weeks left.... I feel so sad. Especially for my poor mum.

Hope your sf make a good recovery xxxx

Original poster
sparkler1 · 27/11/2004 21:15

Thanks so much for your kind words. Have been to see him this evening. He is on the normal oxygen mask. He is finding it a bit difficult with it but the medical staff have decided that they will give him the more powerful oxygen mask as it isn't doing anything at all and he finds it hard to breathe with anyway. He managed to have some soup, a yoghurt and fruit juice tonight and I'm sure this will help if only a small amount. Apparently dm when to see him this morning and he cried with her saying that he was afraid to go to sleep. He hasn't been told about everything but maybe he feels something isn't right. Tears are flowing between the rest of us on and off all the time. They are going to see what the next 48 hours entails and then will be able to assess the situation a little more.

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Original poster
sparkler1 · 27/11/2004 21:16

sorry meant to say that they won't give him the bigger mask anymore.

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Original poster
sparkler1 · 28/11/2004 13:20

another day has arrived. step-dad has got out of bed for the first time in days and has sat in a chair. sounds like something small to anyone else but is a gigantic step for him and us. dm has gone to visit so am waiting for the next update later on today. he may be moved onto a normal ward if things aren't too bad. Sorry to waffle on here about my problems.

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Original poster
sparkler1 · 28/11/2004 18:20

they have decided to keep him in hdu for another couple of days, say there are no beds on other ward at present. gonna go see him in a minute. think he has been sat up in chair most of day so that's something good.

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Donbean · 28/11/2004 19:07

Hi Sparkler, Sounds like you are having a rubbish time.
You know that the nurses will explain every thing to you and that you can speak with the Drs looking after DSD if you like, for updates and to answer any questions you all may have.
It seems to me that they feel that DSD chest problems are too overwhelming for them to effectively treat if he were to deteriorate.
These problems are not curable and are not reversible unfortunately.
In truth, if they were to intervene and ventilate him, you are looking at a very bleak, very long difficult and distressing time ahead.
This coupled with the fact that in the end they cannot make him better is a very difficult burden to bear.
Im so sorry for you and your family.
Occassionaly, they are wrong and people do respond to antibiotics and do recover. this depends on their reserve. In these instances they are absolutely delighted to be wrong.
You will know in your heart whether or not this is the case for DSD.
I dont wish to offer doom and gloom, i just wanted to give you a little more information, explanation and an understanding ear.
Please dont hesitate to ask the staff anything.
Hugs and thoughts are with you x

Original poster
sparkler1 · 28/11/2004 21:34

Thankyou Donbean. DM and DSS are chatting to the nursing staff everyday. He didn't seem too bad tonight. Had a squeaky voice as he had a sore throat. Guess it was from the intake of oxygen causing dryness. He is not on any medication now and they are no longer monitoring him. Just on the oxygen mask. We were having a chat and a laugh this evening. My main concern at the moment is my poor DM she is not handling things too well unsurprsingly. She is so tired herself and has been feeling that she doesn't want to go and visit anymore but feels she has too. She knows it sounds awful but everytime another visit is over she worries that the end is nearer.

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Donbean · 28/11/2004 22:00

Why not persuade your mum to have a day off from visiting. If she does not agree to this then persuade her to cut short tomorows visiting time, just take her for an hour.
She can still telephone whenever she feels she needs to therefore will be in constant contact.
The problem off course is that while she is at home, she will be unable to settle for fear of getting "the phone call".
Additionally, when alone at home, your mind goes into overdrive and you can get yourself into a right old stew with your thoughts.
There is no doubt that this is a most stressful and upsetting time for you all, you sound like you have got each other to get you through it.
Make sure that she is eating and looking after herself, try to keep as normal a routine as possible and stick together.Support each other and talk about things.
Thinking of you x

Original poster
sparkler1 · 28/11/2004 22:06

Thanks. You are spot on with everything. Have you been through this experience yourself?? I did try to talk her into leaving the morning visit and just going down later in the day tomorrow but like you say she is worried something could happen if she wasn't there and if it did she would never forgive herself. Her appetite has been non-existent for the last few days but dh cooked her a nice roast dinner today and we have left it at her home for her to pick at when she needs. My ds has been fantastic too she has been sleeping at the house with her for company just in case "the call" comes in the night. But ds is tired too. I would stay over but it is difficult as I have two dds to take care of too.

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Donbean · 28/11/2004 22:11

I have been through this myself yes, but actually im and ICU/HDU nurse also.
The visiting policy where i work is 2-8 for that very reason Sparkler. It gives families permission to stay away without the guilt of feeling that because it is visiting time, they should be there.
Obviously we are flexible and if people want to come outside of those hours we negotiate with them. We stress the importance of looking after yourselves in these dark times.
x

Original poster
sparkler1 · 28/11/2004 22:16

I feel the urge to ask you lots of questions now - but don't worry I won't. Shall save those for the staff at our hospital. I really appreciate your advice and time to chat with me. It's your time off and you should be having a break from all this stuff too!

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Donbean · 28/11/2004 22:19

Ask away, if i can help im happy to.
PS i have LOTS of days off now thanks to DS x

Original poster
sparkler1 · 28/11/2004 22:21

Thanks. The only question that we all want to ask is something that no-one can answer for us and that's how long is this going to go on for. My heart is praying that he could be comfortable for a few more weeks and see Christmas with us. Don't think that is going to happen.

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Donbean · 28/11/2004 22:24

Youre right, no one can tell you the answer to that, im sorry.
If DSD is in a unit as good as mine, his comfort will be of the upmost priority, of that i can assure you.
Fingers crossed for Christmas x

Original poster
sparkler1 · 28/11/2004 22:27

Thanks. Really, really, really appreciate your kind words. Look forward to chatting with you again soon - hopefully regarding something a little more cheerful. BTW have just read your member profile - and I'm happy to chat with you even if no-one else does!!!!!! xx

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Donbean · 28/11/2004 22:30

Cheers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ive got a friend...woohooo!
Im around at different times but will always check in on this thread so we can keep in touch. Any thing i can help you with, just say.
x

Original poster
sparkler1 · 28/11/2004 22:36

lol - speak soon. Good night. x

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nailpolish · 29/11/2004 11:39

sparkler - good to hear he got out of bed and had some nosh! you sound tired though - hope you are taking it easy {{{hugs}}}

donbean ooohh you sound so professional! only kidding - what lovely supportive words for sparkler

Original poster
sparkler1 · 29/11/2004 14:07

DSD is being moved onto a normal ward today!!! Although good news it's a worrying time. DM has been to visit him this morning and said he looks "wonderful". If you looked at him you would think he is as well as usually is at home. Fingers crossed.

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Donbean · 29/11/2004 18:59

Am so pleased for your great news Sparkler!
And yes nailpolish, i do sound professional dont i...sometimes i even astound myself!
Thanks for the compliment ...will you be my friend too???

nailpolish · 29/11/2004 19:02

yes donbean - you and i can be nursey together

sparkler - thats fantastic! you and your family must be delighted. he sounds like hes on the road to recovery