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Trapped abroad with husband.. is he bullying me?

28 replies

Hachos2018 · 21/07/2022 20:29

What would you constitute as bullying in a relationship? There is ALOT for me to write, but I guess in a nutshell the things that bother me the most are:

  1. making fun of my mental health (I have quite bad OCD and sadly, more recently I think I have fallen back into an eating disorder too.. never takes it serious, always making jokes and laughs at my struggling
  2. forcing me to do things I don’t want to do and when I don’t do what he says, making things really difficult for me / telling me I can’t handle things / saying I’ve lost the control over my life
  3. not physically / emotionally affectionate, even through I have expressed a number of times how awful and unwanted it makes me feel - I just had our 3rd child, he didn’t even give me a hug or anything afterwards even though I was terrified of the c-section - no well done, no real support during the op, just no.. well nothing tbh.
  4. Made to feel guilty because of my health, unfortunately I’ve been quite ill the last year or so. Had severe hypermesis in the preg, was hospitalised and on the verge of organ failure. Also had covid twice which absolutely fucked my already weak lungs, I still have breathing issues. Am told I am weak, my body is failing and that to him he’s not affected by it anymore because it’s ‘nothing new’
is this bullying? I’ve told him all this this eve and that I feel like I’m being bullied. He laughed and said ‘voicing your opinion is not bullying’ - left the room.

im at a loss, I’ve told him I want to leave. He said he won’t give me permission to leave the country with our 3DC. I have looked into getting a court order but it is EXPENSIVE. I have savings and he owes me a few thousand, but the court order alone will bankrupt me - let alone the cost of moving a whole house worth of belongings / starting out back in England with nothing. I don’t know what to do, im at the point where I think maybe it’s better I just leave and let him have the kids. It would break my heart, they are 4/1/ 4 weeks.. they are my world, i adore them and seeing them happy is all I really care for. but what can I do? Part of me feels they would be better off without me, no mum with weird mental health issues, is too sensitive and I guess emotional at times.. maybe all that will damage them in the long run and they would be better off here with their dad?

im trapped, my only way out is alone.. And part of me wonders if that’s even worth it. My children mean everything to me so without them, I can’t see much point in living :( don’t have anyone I can financially rely on, my mum died a few years back and I stupidly ploughed all of my inheritance into what is essentially husbands house. Is he a bully ? Is there anyway out of all this?

OP posts:
Holly60 · 21/07/2022 20:43

I'm afraid I don't have a clue OP and hopefully someone will be along to help.

But off the top of my head - DO NOT leave your children with him. You can get away - you just need support.

Is there anyone you trust there that you can speak to? If not friends how about a citizens advice type job.

The other idea is the embassy - even if they could point you in the right direction? What about women's charities? Could you get in touch with anything like that? Either abroad or in the UK? Perhaps contact somewhere in the Uk and explain your situation. Say you are being abused by your DH and need help for you and DC.

Keep all this a complete secret from your DH.

Also, look after your health. Go to the gp to get help for your OCD etc - get yourself in the strongest possible position.

Itslookinggood · 21/07/2022 20:43

Yes he’s a bully. And no, it isn’t you.

Everything you describe is abuse.

you must see a lawyer and find out your options. You must not leave the children, this would break them. They need you.

you have options, but you can’t see them right now because he is dominating your headspace. See a lawyer and get advice. Even if you can’t leave for the UK, you can separate from him, and get better and stronger and happier.

it’s better in the other side, I promise.

Serpicoo · 21/07/2022 20:46

You need legal help with this.
Good luck and take care of yourself.

Clymene · 21/07/2022 20:51

Is there a local women's aid organisation where you are? They're your first port of call for help.

And yes he's an abusive man

Pinkbonbon · 21/07/2022 20:54

Of course he is a bully. Partners are supposed to make you life feel happier. This guy literally does the exact opposite.

Which country were your kids born? Do they have passports for your home country?

I'd suggest looking at the women's aid website. They might be able to give you so guidance.
Also look into what kind of financial support you would get from the state if you separate (you'd also be entitled to child support from him).

Life is too short to spend with an abuser. But it is absolutely worth living once tou escape. And you will escape. You just have to start taking a little step at a time.

Do you have friends or family you can rely on?
Are you working? If not, how is your cv? Does he own the home?

You're married so you'll get a share in the divorce anyway.

Your kids are absorbing this unhealthy dynamic so you really need to get yourself out. Even if it means you only have them half the time. Its better they have a mum who is free from abuse qnd one healthy home environment.

You dont want them growing up thinking its normal for partners to be abusive. If they see their mum say 'this is not ok' and choose a happy, free life, away from him then that will do them the world of good.

Easier said than done of course. But start taking steps. You'll get there.

OldFan · 21/07/2022 20:54

Part of me feels they would be better off without me, no mum with weird mental health issues, is too sensitive and I guess emotional at times

@Hachos2018 Your mental health will get a lot better once you don't have to live with this man and his psychological abuse.

maybe all that will damage them in the long run and they would be better off here with their dad?

He messes with you psychologically. If he were to be bringing them up alone, he'd probably mess with them at some point, too.

LovelyYellowLabrador · 21/07/2022 20:58

What a disgusting excuse for a man
so sorry
this is not acceptable

what country are you in ?

Hachos2018 · 21/07/2022 21:03

Itslookinggood · 21/07/2022 20:43

Yes he’s a bully. And no, it isn’t you.

Everything you describe is abuse.

you must see a lawyer and find out your options. You must not leave the children, this would break them. They need you.

you have options, but you can’t see them right now because he is dominating your headspace. See a lawyer and get advice. Even if you can’t leave for the UK, you can separate from him, and get better and stronger and happier.

it’s better in the other side, I promise.

It’s encouraging to hear I’m not the only one that thinks this is bullying.

A good friend of mine is a lawyer here and I spoke to her already, I didn’t really go into the bullying side of things as it’s a bit awkward and she’s a friend of both of ours and we share a lot of mutual friends. She gave me a lot of advice regarding the court order etc, there is financial help available, but I’m not eligible for any of that - I myself am also a lawyer but navigating another countries legal system is harder than I expected. I didn’t think of the embassy stupidly thought so I will look into that and enquire about finding a legal specialist. It just all feels sooo insurmountable at the moment.

OP posts:
Blondie1209 · 21/07/2022 21:06

Please DO NOT leave the kids with him. If he's as nasty and degrading to the woman that bore his children, what's to stop him from treating them the same way?
Try and get some support where you live and/or in the UK
You CAN do this with the right support.
So you have problems, who doesn't? Your children would be much better off growing up with you; their mother; who loves them and would do anything for them.

Wishing you all the very best! 💪

Why2why · 21/07/2022 21:14

It sounds like you are going through a lot and would need support if you took the kids on your own. Is your family be able to help? I am thinking about the things you said about your OCD and physical illnesses that has had a serious impact on you.

Organise a support system for you and the kids. I worry that whichever route you take, their lives will be impacted.

Pinkbonbon · 21/07/2022 21:19

Realistically though op might not get full custody. In which case it is better to be out and have kids some of the time. That way the children have one healthy home they can retreat to, away from him. And they don't have to watch their mother being abused.

Telling op not to leave the kids with him...Well, in an ideal world she'd be able to take them and leave but thats unlikely to be possible. More likely she will need to share custody. Which is miles better than staying with him hoping to shelter them from him. Because that's not possible.

Also, right now his abuse seems mostly directed at her. So the kids are being abused by witnessing this. If she leaves, then they no longer have to see this abuse. That doesn't mean they are safe from him deciding to abuse them in various ways. But at least they see that their mother said that abuse is not OK. And that is a healthy role model for them to have. Someone that says no to bullies and walks away from them.

Someone who can give them a safe place, away from him.

D0lphine · 21/07/2022 21:27

Sounds like a really hard situation OP.

Could you split up but stay in the country you're in now?

Hachos2018 · 21/07/2022 21:36

@LovelyYellowLabrador I am in Germany. I speak pretty good German but the language barrier is still a bit of an issue which doesn’t help.
@Blondie1209 thanks for this and I know, I dread to think of the emotional neglect they would endure if I left them, I have considered speaking to my sisters about taking the children for me, for example if anything happens to me. I’m just scared because I haven’t spoken to anyone about the bullying before, my family all really like my husband and I guess I felt they wouldn’t believe me 😫
@Why2why it will be a struggle for me physically and emotionally - I’ll need a lot of support, I just feel like a burden, to everyone, maybe it’s pride or maybe I am just stupid, I don’t really know.. I’m really lost at the moment
@pinkbonbon All DC born in Germany, DC1&2 British and German passports, DC3 nothing yet as only 4 weeks old. I’m a uk qualified solicitor, have my own house in the UK, he doesn’t own his, but his parents do and will inherit when his dad dies - so sadly that means I will lose my home and he will have his fully furnished house here and half of mine too!! It’s all a mess :(

thank you all for the replies and support. I am really grateful, just so so overwhelmed. I think with my physical health falling down the drain again it’s also hard. Have lost a lot of weight (20kg since having baby, only gained 8kg in the preg and I BMI is now 17) - I know it’s so stupid and that’s why I worry about the eating disorder as I just think maybe if that just kills me off it will be better. Changed my will recently so I know my kids are sorted and protected financially etc, just need to approach my sisters about maybe taking custody of them as I don’t know if my husband would even cope with them on his own and I wouldn’t put it past him to hand them over to someone else. I know its morbid, but we had a convo recently and said he would give DC3 up if I died as he knows he couldn’t handle it. Oh it’s just all such a mess, all I wanna do is come home to my mum and cry! I can’t even do that anymore!

OP posts:
Itslookinggood · 21/07/2022 21:41

Honestly the Embassy will not be that helpful. Not trying to discourage you, just familiar with the system.

worth a call but don’t have high expectations.

You’re a lawyer, you’ve got this. Break it down. 1. Find a legal specialist who isn’t connected to either of you. 2. Take an hour’s advice and find out options. 3. Get financial overview. Etc.

there are ways out, you just need to find them.

PlatinumBrunette · 21/07/2022 21:43

The Embassy won't/can't help much. Do NOT leave without your children.
Contact Globalarrk for advice, and someone to talk to www.globalarrk.org/for-parents/our-support-network/

Atomicspider · 21/07/2022 21:49

Op perhaps you have a mütterzentrum in your town? Invaluable sources of support and information. Please find one as one of your first points of contact, and ask for information and support.

Thegreatestshowoff · 21/07/2022 22:30

Could you travel home with all three children on the basis of showing off the newborn? Even bring DH with you? Once there, stay with your sister or family, whoops, you’ve lost the passports and replacements take an age, give notice to whoever’s in your house and then ultimately move in? DH goes back to Germany to work and Bob’s your uncle. You haven’t abducted the kids if he’s traveled with you.

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/07/2022 22:54

I rather think that if you agree not to take the kids out of the country and go on your own (even if you have no intention of doing that) he may back down when he realises he will be sole carer of 3 very young children.

Atomicspider · 21/07/2022 23:27

Personally I’d not say a word more to him about your plans. Just nothing. There’s no reasoning with an abusive man anyway.

theansweris42 · 21/07/2022 23:54

OP congratulations on your new baby. And, on posting here.

I was in same positon but Australia.

I went through many of the steps pps have outlined, solicitor advice and so on, but somehow facing him and saying I wanted to leave seemed impossible.

Your DH's comment that voicing his opinion (which is critical and cruel, on purpose) isn't bullying you, is chilling.

I just spoke to him, even when he wouldn't look at me or reply. I was really scared. I said I wanted to take the kids back to UK. I said we'd already split as he was clearly detached from me hence the lack of affection and the emotional abuse.

He didn't make replies so I said it all again in emails. He wouldn't let me access money so I bought the plane tickets on an old UK credit card and emailed him the details.

He could've stopped us, I knew that. I made it clear I was aware and checked that he was OK with the plan.

He said yes, then no, then for me to take the youngest and leave eldest with him. I spoke out more then, said I would never leave the kids, ever.

Him saying "take one and leave one" gave me strength because I knew he was cold and cruel and I suddenly didn't care about his words towards me, it was all about protecting them.

In the end I left, in the airport I was looking over my shoulder, but nothing happened. If he'd made a complaint and the DC had to stay in Australia I would have stayed and divorced and he'd have had to pay maintenance etc.

I was and am worried that he has access to them and their hearts and minds without me to be the buffer. But, as a non-abused and 'free' mum I can support them. Also they have their steady home here always, without him in it.

8 years on (DC now 11and 13) and he sees them sort of eow. He does emotionally abuse them, they know now that he says wrong things and is mean. He is a controlling man, they see this. But at other times is fun and they love him. I spend time unparenting with them often (discussing what he's said, boosting them, offering alternative pov etc, loving them).

It is possible. The issue of them being domiciled outside the UK is scary, but if he won't let them leave with you, you can stay. But you don't have to be in a relationship with him in either country.

You sound so very worn down and with a 4 week old you will be weary. It's not that you're being crap - like all of us, you need help and support and he's not prepared to give it. I had malaria once, hospitalised and my ex told me I was a liability - I do understand.

You've posted here. You have insight into his cruelty. He's said he'd give up his child were you not there to do the caring work. He is appalling.

I hope you're able soon to take a step and find some support in Germany, such as a GP, health visitor, family law practitioner, womens support organisations.

Shame stopped me for a long time. Shame is a powerful silencer. I went to the GP and gave a bit of the situation and she was supportive, aghast at his behaviour. The look of shock on her face, even that, was reassuring that I was evaluating things correctly and wasn't being over sensitive, pushy, out for myself, not understanding the real world, etc etc - all the things he told me I was.

Your mood sounds low, what with a newborn and 2 other little ones as well as his abuse and financial uncertainty. It's a lot, you're doing great.

As to finances I came back with 2K in cash I'd saved secretly. I was working 3 days pw for a few months on a reasonable salary.

I wasn't "allowed" to save as he paid more in bills etc than I so I had to spend all mine on groceries and kids stuff, every cent. Had to give explanation for a coffee shop stop.

About 2 weeks before we landed back in the UK, the law had been changed and I was not entitled to benefits for 3 months as I'd been abroad xxx amount of time.

Even though I'd paid UK taxes for 20 years. So we had nothing except this 2k, which I didn't disclose.

Ex sent some money (not much!) so that we didn't starve (he actually stipulated that I was not to eat with this money) and we made it. Took me a while to sort self out, get nursery sorted, job hunting and failing loads of interviews, they started school....things are easier now. I am married and they have a lovely step Dad who is closer than the blood related father.

I am very very happy that I don't have to live with him and the DC only have to for a couple of days each fortnight.

It would be good if you spoke to your GP.
I'm a health care professional and sometimes I think I already know what they'll say...but actually they usually think of something I haven't, they're objective and as their patient YOU are their focus.

Please let someone help.

Thinking of you and sending strength Flowers

SandAndSea · 21/07/2022 23:57

I've read some really helpful threads on here over the years. I remember one woman in particular who hired a storage unit and was slowly but surely squirreling things away for her move. I remember she bought gift cards with her groceries so that she could afford Christmas and other things later on.

'Decluttering' can be a front for getting toys and clothes out of the house. Similarly, you can drop things at a laundry to collect later.

Please don't give up. You can do this!

Maytodecember · 22/07/2022 00:11

Yes he’s a bully, a vile one at that.
Its good news you’re in a European country, somewhere like Middle East would be a lot more difficult.
Is your husband military? If he is there will be support for you.
If your children all have British nationality I can’t see why you can’t just leave with them. Bugger the furniture, you can replace that with second hand if necessary. 4 weeks after aC section is too soon but you’ll feel physically stronger in another couple of months,
Im sure you can still obtain advise from Women’s Aid even though you’re in Germany.
And be careful about speaking to mutual friends as you don’t want your husband taking legal steps behind your back.

LovelyYellowLabrador · 22/07/2022 14:22

Can you pretend your are coming to the U.K. for a holiday and to show friends the baby

then just stay

the main thing seems to be getting back to here
bring him along
if you need to just get here

LovelyYellowLabrador · 22/07/2022 14:23

At least you are only in Germany not that faraway

youlightupmyday · 22/07/2022 14:35

Remember that Germany is part of the Hague convention so it is very likely you have to stay there as it is the children's home. You need a domestic abuse support group/ charity and to get some crucial support. I would.speak to a divorce lawyer in UK and Germany to determine where would.protect your assets the most.