OP congratulations on your new baby. And, on posting here.
I was in same positon but Australia.
I went through many of the steps pps have outlined, solicitor advice and so on, but somehow facing him and saying I wanted to leave seemed impossible.
Your DH's comment that voicing his opinion (which is critical and cruel, on purpose) isn't bullying you, is chilling.
I just spoke to him, even when he wouldn't look at me or reply. I was really scared. I said I wanted to take the kids back to UK. I said we'd already split as he was clearly detached from me hence the lack of affection and the emotional abuse.
He didn't make replies so I said it all again in emails. He wouldn't let me access money so I bought the plane tickets on an old UK credit card and emailed him the details.
He could've stopped us, I knew that. I made it clear I was aware and checked that he was OK with the plan.
He said yes, then no, then for me to take the youngest and leave eldest with him. I spoke out more then, said I would never leave the kids, ever.
Him saying "take one and leave one" gave me strength because I knew he was cold and cruel and I suddenly didn't care about his words towards me, it was all about protecting them.
In the end I left, in the airport I was looking over my shoulder, but nothing happened. If he'd made a complaint and the DC had to stay in Australia I would have stayed and divorced and he'd have had to pay maintenance etc.
I was and am worried that he has access to them and their hearts and minds without me to be the buffer. But, as a non-abused and 'free' mum I can support them. Also they have their steady home here always, without him in it.
8 years on (DC now 11and 13) and he sees them sort of eow. He does emotionally abuse them, they know now that he says wrong things and is mean. He is a controlling man, they see this. But at other times is fun and they love him. I spend time unparenting with them often (discussing what he's said, boosting them, offering alternative pov etc, loving them).
It is possible. The issue of them being domiciled outside the UK is scary, but if he won't let them leave with you, you can stay. But you don't have to be in a relationship with him in either country.
You sound so very worn down and with a 4 week old you will be weary. It's not that you're being crap - like all of us, you need help and support and he's not prepared to give it. I had malaria once, hospitalised and my ex told me I was a liability - I do understand.
You've posted here. You have insight into his cruelty. He's said he'd give up his child were you not there to do the caring work. He is appalling.
I hope you're able soon to take a step and find some support in Germany, such as a GP, health visitor, family law practitioner, womens support organisations.
Shame stopped me for a long time. Shame is a powerful silencer. I went to the GP and gave a bit of the situation and she was supportive, aghast at his behaviour. The look of shock on her face, even that, was reassuring that I was evaluating things correctly and wasn't being over sensitive, pushy, out for myself, not understanding the real world, etc etc - all the things he told me I was.
Your mood sounds low, what with a newborn and 2 other little ones as well as his abuse and financial uncertainty. It's a lot, you're doing great.
As to finances I came back with 2K in cash I'd saved secretly. I was working 3 days pw for a few months on a reasonable salary.
I wasn't "allowed" to save as he paid more in bills etc than I so I had to spend all mine on groceries and kids stuff, every cent. Had to give explanation for a coffee shop stop.
About 2 weeks before we landed back in the UK, the law had been changed and I was not entitled to benefits for 3 months as I'd been abroad xxx amount of time.
Even though I'd paid UK taxes for 20 years. So we had nothing except this 2k, which I didn't disclose.
Ex sent some money (not much!) so that we didn't starve (he actually stipulated that I was not to eat with this money) and we made it. Took me a while to sort self out, get nursery sorted, job hunting and failing loads of interviews, they started school....things are easier now. I am married and they have a lovely step Dad who is closer than the blood related father.
I am very very happy that I don't have to live with him and the DC only have to for a couple of days each fortnight.
It would be good if you spoke to your GP.
I'm a health care professional and sometimes I think I already know what they'll say...but actually they usually think of something I haven't, they're objective and as their patient YOU are their focus.
Please let someone help.
Thinking of you and sending strength 