Postnatal anxiety and depression. Feeling so low.

[surreyisik]

Hi everyone. This is my first post so please bear with me and apologies for the long post.
I'm a first time mum to a 16 week old boy. I love him to bits and he is the easiest baby I can imagine.

After he was born I was miserable with sadness and anxiety but recovered fairly quickly. In the past few weeks out of nowhere I have started to feel very low again, after dh went back to work.
During the day when he is at work I feel so low and lonely. We lived abroad for most of our lives so don't have any family or friends nearby. I had a difficult delivery and recovery which I still feel traumatized about. My parents who I'm very close to couldn't be here with me due to my dad's health problems, which added to the feelings of loneliness.
I'm constantly feeling incredibly inadequate and like a shit mum who is doing everything wrong. My self talk is extremely negative and I can't help it.
Going out with my baby provokes a lot of anxiety in me and I'm so scared to even go down the stairs in case something happens to him. I'm forcing myself to go out with him most days in the week but it's taking a lot of willpower. I'm so ashamed that I'm finding motherhood so hard to such a lovely little boy.
Dh is very loving and supportive and takes care of our baby when asked but I don't think he understands how I feel. When he is home he just wants to relax and not do much. When I tell him about my worries he usually says things like "everything is fine" or "he's fine". We are both really sleep deprived and stressed due to a few other things going on in our lives.
I'm in some baby groups but finding it really hard to make friends there. Today I cried for an hour over a really minor argument with dh.

I really need some reassurance and virtual hugs. Please tell me it gets easier. Please tell me it's normal to find being a mom so hard the first time. Any tips to manage anxiety and depression welcome. Thank you

Hello @surreyisik - so sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment - this sounds really tough. I'm giving this thread a bump in case those who missed it want to contribute. All the very best

Thanks @JuliaMumsnet and yes - echoing that it sounds so tough, OP. Lots of Mumsnetters will have been where you are now and the newborn days can be really, really hard - especially as you don't have family nearby to help out. Most people will tell you that it does get better - much better - but that shouldn't put you off seeking some real -ife support now when you need it. Please take a look at our information page for post-natal depression. It has links to support and more info on signs and symptoms. Very best wishes.

Hello, it will get easier. But wanted to write saying I'm right there with you. My baby is 6 months and I have waves of terrible sadness and low mood

I find baby groups help me though.. it's funny cause I feel so low by myself and then when I'm around others I feel comfortable with I'm ok.

is there any groups around you? Can you take a trip to see family? Are you in the UK?

Hi OP,
Sending you a bug virtual hug!
I'm sorry you are feeling so low - its really tough isn't it? I have a nearly 5 month old and am really struggling with the sleep deprivation (his nightime sleep has actually got worse but I plan to try and do some gentle sleep training once we are back from a short break and he is nearer the 6 month mark). I know for sure sleep deprivation can make everything so so hard and really not help with feelings of hopelessness/inadequacy.
However I know from also having a 4 year old that it all gets better and easier with time.

I would hope with time you can get to make some friends via groups, are you going to the same ones regularly? (I think that helps). Might there also be some other ways to meet people/other Mums e.g. Peanut app or similar where you are?

I hope it gets better for you- it must be tough being far from your wider family and long term friends. Could you organise for a friend to dome and visit you even if just for a weekend, give you something to look forward to and plan?

I feel for you OP. I know what it's like, but it well get better eventually. Try to take breaks when you need them, and just hang on. It's scary what hormones can do to our thoughts.
And don't judge yourself please.

Please tell your GP and ask for help. I felt exactly the same way, and am now a couple of months down the line and feeling SO much better. I was really impressed with how seriously the GP took it all straight away and the amount and variety of support I was offered. I'm now on a very low dose of anti depressants, partway through an antenatal CBT course and have a volunteer agency that hold a weekly group. You can choose what you feel is helpful to you. I can now enjoy my baby so much more. Sending you lots of love, and hope you get the support you deserve!

It 100% gets easier. At least for me it did. I had a traumatic birth for my first and was very low. Everyone was concerned, but I didn't reach out for help. Mine are now 7 and 5 and I love life with them. I don't really have any advice as I just kept taking it a day at a time but at some point, not sure when, I started to enjoy life again. Do talk to someone as that will help. You're not the only one to feel like this xx

Thank you all so so much for your kind words and encouragement - really touched me. Read them with tears in my eyes. I reached out to my GP past week, who was great. I'm now in contact with a charity of volunteer parents who come around and support new parents with no friends / family around in a variety of ways as well as local baby group focusing on maternal mental health. I think I will also take talking therapy with the local maternal mental health team.
@AuraBora - that's a great idea, pre-baby we used to make plans pretty much in the last minute but I think I will talk to dh now to pencil in a few friends / family visits in the diary.

Again thank you so much all, means a lot 💐

Glad to see you are getting support in place, well done its not easy to ask for help sometimes.

I found life very tough with a young baby, but it absolutely gets better! I