Time to consider medication?

[plotmissinginaction]

I don't feel well. Either I am horribly anxious - very wired, can't sleep - all of which causes pain in my body, or I crash out of that and I am so sad I don't want to do anything. I have had therapy, CBT, and two psychologists - some have been useful, others not so much but they always end before I feel I have got to the heart of what is going on. I don't think I can face another talking therapy, I sort of don't see the point. I mean don't really see the point to life at the moment actually. However hard I work or whatever I try to do or not do the feelings that I am trying to quieten never do.

So far I have been fearful of medication. I am worried that it will just mask stuff and I am very anxious about adding side effects to my life - I already have a chronic health issue, I can't face dealing with more stuff. Also, the weight gain terrifies me (history of ED). So I just trundle on but right now I feel so fed up with it that I wonder if I should venture down the medication path.

Any experiences, good or bad, with medication, would be appreciated.

Thanks

These statements jumped out at me - but they always end before I feel I have got to the heart of what is going on and However hard I work or whatever I try to do or not do the feelings that I am trying to quieten never do

What is the heart of what's going on and what feelings are refusing to be quiet?

There are many many different medications you can try, so you find the one that suits you. I also found that combining medication with additional counselling was more beneficial than one or other on its own at the start.

I wish I knew! I just have this core feeling that I can't shift. Sometimes I don't notice it because I am so anxious the anxiety sits over the top of it, then when that goes I have this horrible bleak feeling, it is very desolate. I had therapy because I assumed it was about certain things - chaotic childhood, experiences of sexual violence etc. But I have talked all those things through and that feeling is still there. There is a lot of addiction in my family - my mother was an alcoholic, my brother is and the other brother was a heroin addict. I sort of get what they were up to, trying to stop that feeling. Something in me just feels wrong.

I understand. The reason you can't shift the feelings is that your core assumptions (beliefs) about who you are and how you fit in the world are laid down in childhood, before your conscious mind develops sufficiently to be able to question what's happening and apply objective logic.

Your subconscious mind developed coping strategies to keep the child safe in a chaotic world and it's still working on the same basis - telling you to stay away from scary or difficult situations and setting off the flight or fight responses inappropriately, which manifest into physical symptoms of stress.

The problem with talking therapies is that your engaging the conscious mind and applying adult logic - that's fine if someone's core beliefs are reasonably balanced but for someone who's been through the sort of trauma you've experienced it's not going to get through to the deeper problems. And, as you say, medication is just going to mask the issues (which can be useful to get yourself on a more even keel but isn't a long term solution).

I work with a lot of people who have been in a similar situation. Hypnosis (or mind coaching if the word hypnosis gives you the heebie-jeebies!) allows you to bypass the conscious mind and talk directly to the subconscious - reseting the thoughts that were once invoked to keep you safe but are now holding you back.

Have you tried EMDR?

OP there are many natural therapies you can try. I had multiple serious health problems and react very badly to pharmaceuticals. Every one of my problems was sorted with homeopathy.

MN hates homeopathy but that is neither here nor there. You have to find your own way and only listen to those with direct experience.

Others prefer acupuncture, Ayurveda or Traditional Chinese Medicine.

If you choose one of these routes, just go with a practitioner who is registered with a professional body and is experienced.

This makes a lot of sense to me. Would you suggest I find a good hypnotherapist then? Would it need to be a particular kind? It's not something I know a lot about.

Yes! Briefly, on the NHS. I thought it was working well but it was one where they cut my treatment off even when I said I felt I needed a bit more time. I was gutted actually, it's the closest I have felt to something working. Maybe I should look into it privately. The thought of starting another therapeutic process feels hard after that last experience.

I feel open to alternative methods, if I could find the right approach. They are pricey which makes me a bit nervous to start I suppose.

@plotmissinginaction - I trained using the Control System, devised by Tim Box, you can find a list of practitioners here;

www.thecontrolsystem.co.uk/find-a-practitioner

Because there's no trance involved the client is aware of what's going on throughout and it's very pragmatic and goal orientated. No 'woo' involved! 😊

I was always against medication but someone said o should try it and can always wean off if not for me - I wish I'd tried it a long time ago as it helps. I didn't have too many side effects and those were only for the first week - and that was more to do with mood spiralling down when the pill wore off until I got a consistent level in my body. I was worried about side effects as have had chemo etc in the past and my tolerance for these things (mentally) is low, but it's been fine and I've been able to get my life back a lot more

Thanks, that's what I am thinking - I have avoided it for years but I find it really hard to live like this. Today I was just trudging through treacle all day. No reason for me to be really, I just felt so low and I couldn't get anything done. I feel like I am treading water until I die at the moment. It's pointless.

Think of your mind as a ship. The conscious mind is the captain who's role is to decide on a destination and the best way to reach that destination. The subconscious is the crew, who run every aspect of the ship and, ideally, work with the captain to achieve goals.

When you are depressed the crew stop triggering emotions because the captain isn't looking forward, which is why many people describe a feeling of numbness. Anxiety is often the architect of depression because it makes everything so scary that we stop taking even the smallest risks.

A useful question to ask yourself is what you would do, how you would behave and where would you picture yourself if you weren't anxious, if you weren't depressed. What springs to mind?

That's a great question! And I love the ship analogy.

I think I panic a lot at very small things. I worry about everything - I don't feel I make good decisions so everything causes stress as a result. I worry about upsetting people, making mistakes, not being good enough. I deal with this by overworking, chronic people-pleasing and pushing myself. Last year I felt so unwell all year, I can never switch off. I would love to just live my life without all of this fear. Honestly, I am so afraid - it's a very deep fear that something awful will happen if I so much as blink at the wrong moment.

Don't be scared of medication, OP. There are lots of different things you can try. I avoided it for years, but I found escitalopram absolutely amazing for my anxiety and I wish I'd tried it sooner. You might find it helps you engage more with therapy too (I did).
I sleep better, feel less wound up, am less irritable with the kids and still feel like me.

I would love to just live my life without all of this fear.

OK, that's possible. You weren't born afraid so it's something you learnt in your childhood (not surprising, given what you've described). The good news is whatever your mind has leaned, it can unlearn.

Here's another analogy. If you had a broken leg, you'd be very grateful to have a pair of crutches to help you get around. That's what your mind did when you were a child, it provided strategies to help you cope. But imagine having to keep on carrying those crutches after your leg has healed and you can walk again. Everywhere you go, the crutches still have to go with you. They'd soon become a burden and would hold you back. That's what's happening now - the crew members that protected the child are causing the adult to fear things that are no longer a threat. You don't have to live like this.

Hi
Today I decided to go on ssri after hitting a very low point at weekend and thought I can’t live like this any more.

I pick up escitalopram tomorrow .

I started taking sertraline last September and I am a new person!

I will make an appointment with the Dr, it's worth the discussion at least.

Yes, again this makes total sense. I sort of understand logically that I am often being illogical if that makes sense! It's just not enough to stop it all from happening. And I know that my view of myself is poor, again logic. I just can't seem to shift that into knowing.

I did look at the website, it wasn't very clear on cost though which made me a bit hesitant. It does sound useful though, I wondered about getting the book.

Talking therapy did not work for me at all, I have complex PTSD but medication has given me a completely normal life. I work full time and have a decent social life.

That sounds hopeful. I have an appointment in two weeks time. I have been at this stage so many times and I always decide not to do it but I might as well try it at least. I don't think it could make things worse.

Re www.thecontrolsystem.co.uk/ - all the practitioners are independent so you could contact someone who's close to you (if you'd like to meet face to face) and have a chat - some will have prices on their FB page or website. To give you an idea I charge £295 for a 4 session program (that's total, not each!).

Medication hasn’t masked the anxiety for me, it’s put life in proportion, I.e. I don’t immediately have feelings of panic when a problem arises, I can look at it rationally and engage my brain to find a solution, IYSWIM. It makes life much easier!

i can’t speak for others, but I’m on Escitalopram and weight gain hasn’t been an issue for me. I was a size 8 until my 40’s; now I’m a size 10 at 48 due to a slowing middle-aged metabolism. By cutting back on treats and wine, I could get back to an 8, but I’ve chosen not to. 🤣

I alsohave an underactive thyroid
( also on medication for that) so in theory, I’d be prone to weight gain. But it hasn’t happened at all. I think if you’re on the right dose, you’ll be OK.

I’d strongly recommend trying medication, it’s made my life much easier and happier, because I just feel normal, instead of anxious.

I tried it. I felt better but not "me" so I preferred to be myself and come off them. I am happy now years later though. Completely clean. Being sober has helped massively. Coming off coffee would be ideal but I love it.