To think

[barbandricky]

Life really isn't for me.

I am one of those people who seemingly has endless crap happening. Problem after problem. Bad health. Bad mental health. Family problems. Relationship disasters. Friendless. I am 99.9% reclusive as I just cannot face the world. I get severe anxiety to the point it's stopped me living. I also have depression. Most of my life I have lived has been hell (and I don't say that lightly) and now it's got to the position where I am unable to cope any more. Doctors are useless. Wait lists for help are 18+ months. Medication doesn't work. I'm so tired of a constant battle of living. I don't think it's for me.

I would love to have one person who cares. I am a burden.

I'm sorry you think like that- have you tried calling the Samaritans or mins services in your area a quick google search can get you through to someone 24/7.

The advice I can offer is 95% of people feel like this at some point in their life. Some get help some don't need it. Things can and will get better if you reach out like you have done today.

Services all over the UK have ridiculous waiting lists atm and that doesn't help however The Samaritans and Mind will never turn you away and offer support straight away.

Here if you would like a chat

I'm so sorry you feel like this. I have had similar thoughts in the past, but have come through it.

Do you want to tell us more about your life?

Sorry I don't have any advice but I couldn't not respond, I do care.

I care about you xox

I care. Reading your post has made me feel wretched for you, no one should feel like this. Please get in touch with the Samaritans, they're there 24/7. Please also keep in touch with us.

We care.

www.samaritans.org/

You are NOT a burden. You are loved even if you don’t always see it or feel it. Life can be hard but please hang on in there as tomorrow may be a brighter day. Have you heard of a website called Mindler? You can access therapy on there without NHS wait lists. But also second a PP’s advice of getting in touch with the Samaritans whilst you are feeling very low. We care about you. X

I know this probably sounds harsh, but you've got to find happiness within yourself, it's a learnt process, it doesn't come easy amd takes practice. Right now your wallowing in self pity, and you need to purposefully and consciously seek out the positives in your life, because there will be positives. I took a confidence building course, Google online. Practicing wellbeing and self care, daily affirmations and gratitude journals. I agree, meds dont help, therefore you have to help yourself, fake it until you make it kind of thing. You do matter, you are important, you don't need hundreds of friends, or any friends at all, and you certainly don't need a partner to be fulfilled.

Have you any hobbies, anything at all you like?

I don't really know what to say but didn't want to say nothing. I'm sure there is at least 1 person in your life that cares. Things can get better 💐

I have often felt that no one cares but you have done one thing right and that is reach out here. There are lots of people you have yet to know that will care and you can start with us.

Life is tough and can seem pointless but you start with small steps to a better life, just one at a time. Everyone that answers your post has cared enough to do so and I hope that is the first step you take to more positive thoughts.

The Samaritans will help if you want to actually talk to someone. If you don't then keep posting here.

Sending hugs xx

Have you heard of Tapping, EFT?

There are a lot of free resources here. The audio on this page is 'You are enough'

www.thetappingsolution.com/blog/you-are-enough-the-tapping-solution-app/

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that your life is hard and that you are struggling to cope. I wish I could say something that might help you feel better.

What do you think might help you? What in your life would you like to change? Maybe we can advise on specific points.

I've spent a large part of my life depressed so I know how that feels and how hopeless it makes everything seem. And I know what it's like to feel a burden. when I was depressed I was convinced i was a burden and everyone would be better off without me. Now that I'm not convinced I know that yes, I do often rely on others. I couldn't do without others. None of us could. None of us should have to. Please take all the help that you can get. You deserve it. Just by virtue of being human do you deserve it. You are not a burden more so than others.

I don't know if it's true that no one really cares for you but I know that this doesn't have to be like this forever. Can we say that all of us that have posted on this thread care in a way? And I know that's not much and it doesn't make up for having someone irl care for you but maybe it's something. And maybe it will encourage you to care for yourself. A lot. Be your own best friend. We all are in a way. I believe that the people who live the most fulfilled lives are the ones that care about themselves and about what they want and need. And they do it and they ask for help when they need it.

When I was in the pits of depression the few things that helped me:

1. Medication: and yes it took ages to find something that helped and then it didn't help for long but it proved to me that I could feel better, that this feeling of hopeless and the self loathing was just an illness, something that was going wrong in my brain, rather than reality.

1. Doing something for myself even if it's just 5 mins. Something I enjoy.

1. Exercise: this is very very difficult when you are severely depressed but if you on any way can then it really can lift your mood.

"I am one of those people who seemingly has endless crap happening. Problem after problem"

You mean you are human.

Life can be shit at times. But all things will pass. Talk to someone. Talk to the Samaritans if no-one springs to mind.

You are not a burden. You are a brilliant human being, and you have the rest of your life ahead of you. Don't give up.

@MummyDummyNow

In a nutshell - dad left when I was young, wasn't really a part of my life. I was physically abused/beaten from the age of 4-16 but my mothers new husband. I was severely bullied at school. I developed an eating disorder during that time which I still have 30 years on. I found my amazing gran dead while I was alone with her at the age of 12. All through my life I've been ridiculed for the way I look. My mental health started declining when I was 22 when I was pregnant with my son (his dad has been a no show for his entire life), seen every therapist/tried every med combination there is). Got married/got divorced. Got married again, this time he felt it was a good idea to beat the living shit out of me and say the most vile things for 8 years. Most of my friends disappeared when I got sick. I've been raped twice. Pretty much every relationship I've been in has followed the pattern of some kind of abuse. I had a mental breakdown which was extremely scary. I had to move in with my mum (and leave my house) for 5 years because I was so sick mentally. 2019 was diagnosed with BPD which makes sense due to all the childhood abuse/trauma I suffered. I I have a son who tried to kill himself last year (before that I was doing really well. During lock down I did a lot of work on myself and felt 'happy' for the first time ever) but his suicide attempt has fucked me up. I am literally on edge still 24/7 (had therapy for PTSD) 4 weeks after that my 4 year relationship ended (broke me, still not over that, wasn't good enough for him) and for the last 6 months my mother has been quite unwell so the added stress there has become too much. I've had health issue after health issue and one I 'live' with pretty much makes me feel like death. Most days I don't even want to get out of bed, what I use to enjoy doing all feel like a chore now, and like everyone struggling financially. I don't have enough money to eat. I pay for groceries on a visa which is mounting higher and higher. I pretty much live on diazepam and hope to god I sleep through the day so I don't have to face it.

OP this is an incredible amount of really hard stuff to deal with, so I'm not surprised you're feeling like you do. However you said before lockdown you worked on yourself and felt happy. Can you try and focus on that, you WERE happy so you could be again.

Can you think of the positives in your life, however small they may be?

I'm in awe that you've been through all that and you're still here. You're obviously very strong, even if you don't feel it, you're here and you're asking for help.

Sorry, during lockdown not before.

Hello @barbandricky we're so sorry you're feeling so low - you've had such a tough time of things.

A few of your fellow posters got in touch as they're concerned for you. We hope you don't mind, but in these circumstances we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

If you're worried about finances, there are dedicated charities such as StepChange that work to get people back on track and can contact creditors, etc on your behalf.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Best wishes from MNHQ.

I honestly feel like I could have written your post op, I too have had one disaster after another and have always been treated badly in friendships and relationship. It sounds like a cliche but I had to learn to be kinder to myself. I already put up with enough abuse from others so had to stop doing the same to myself aswell. Feel free to message if you ever just want to chat about things

Hi OP,
Just to say I also care and echo what pp have said about samaritans.
I've spoke to them myself in the past and they really were helpful.