Would you go on a mothers mental health retreat without your baby?

[Fiep]

Hi, I'm after some opinions. I am probably just being silly because I am on maternity leave and my brain is understimulated.

I am a psychologist and had a recent experience of birth trauma. My LO is now 3m, after birth he spent some time in NICU. I am coping well now, but it wasn't easy.

Since then I have spoken to so many mums who have shared their difficulties with me around adjusting to motherhood, anxiety, mood, and trauma around pregnancy and birth. Hardly anyone has sought / had mental health support.

Coincidentally I also delivered a trauma therapy session at a women's retreat recently and LOVED it - all guests got so much better over the course of it and it felt really healing and empowering. I wished all those mums could feel that way.

It got me thinking it would be cool to have a retreat for mums specifically around trauma / mood / anxiety / adjustment to motherhood - but would anyone go without their babies? I'd have loved a break for a couple of nights and would have been happy so long as there was somewhere to pump (like a NICU style pumping room). I just feel the retreat wouldn't be as therapeutic with the demands of the baby there.

Obviously I recognise this may exclude some people - eg those who don't have a partner, or who breastfeed and don't express, etc. But my thought was to start simple with a retreat just for the women and if it all goes well then I could always do one for women plus babies (and support person on site), as this would be logistically a lot more challenging to set up.

Or would someone a bit further down the line, baby slightly older, still be interested in attending something like this or is the issue sort of buried by then?

Or the whole thing might just be a silly idea, I don't know.

Baby optional rather than exclude mums who can't leave babies? I'm a lone parent and also breastfed. I wouldn't expect many mums to have got the hang of pumping enough to leave a baby a few nights only a few months in!

I think it sounds like a lovely idea but I wouldn’t leave my baby. That sounds traumatic itself. What I would consider is somewhere where there were plenty of nannies to look after the babies, but I would be there too.
I would imagine the cost of this would put it out of the price range for many, if not most, new mothers.

No way.

I think it sounds like a lovely idea but I wouldn’t leave my baby. That sounds traumatic itself.
Same here. I wasn't separated from my child for a few nights until they were three, I couldn't have coped that early.

before 6 months no after 6 months max 3 days

I had a traumatic birth with dc1 and there's no way I'd have left him at 3m overnight.

i think it would be more helpful to have a retreat for mums to go WITH theyre newborns, somewhere where they can get help and discuss things with no judgement and talk to other struggling mums, and have a bath with a qualified carer taking care of the baby maybe even in the bathroom with them so they can actually wash with ease seeing theyre baby is ok.

To be fed decent food that helps them regain health, To make friends and get some sleep. Maybe the retreat has a night nurse to help throughout the night when needed. Thats the dream place.

I think the better option would be retreat with nannies onsite.

I am another one who had a traumatic birth and wouldn’t have left my baby. I would live to have come somewhere with the baby though. Could you include mothers who want to bring their babies?

I actually didn’t seek help until I was starting to think about a 2nd child so you could target it at people who were pregnant again or planning another pregnancy.

I had PTSD and PND from the birth of DC1. There is no way on earth I could have been away from them overnight.

I wouldn’t have left my babies and I think you’re medicalising horrible experiences that women recover from without needing to go on a retreat without their baby. Surely that’s retraumatising?

Fuck no. The very thought of leaving her that tiny would panic me.

I think it’s a great idea. I do think mums would want to bring babe. I appreciate that’s a lot more challenging I think terms of not just staffing and accommodation but also in how you structure your sessions so people aren’t missing things if feeding. It could be incredible though.

For me I don’t need mental health help or trauma recovery; but I do need general recovery. Me time, yoga, no cooking, no cleaning. Just recharge time.

For a lot of the woman I know there has been a lot of breast feeding issues. In person support is poorly lacking. I think a retreat which tied in round the clock breastfeeding support could also potentially be really popular.

What Seraphinesupport says makes total sense. My friend in NZ had this as standard, it sounded bliss.

I never wanted to leave my babies overnight until they were between 6 and 12 months.

@Snid Thank you, Ugh it would be

The kind of experience that traumatises mothers during birth is exactly the kind of experience that would make them less likely to want to leave their babies, I would have thought.

Not a cat in hell’s chance I would have left DS. I went out just for dinner without him at four months (work friends, DH was with him) and he was completely inconsolable by the time I came back three hours later. Bottle refusing, hugely distressed and panicky. Awful. Drank so much milk when I got back that he then projectile vomited everywhere, refused to sleep, and basically glued himself to me until the next morning.

This sounds like market research!

I would and have friends who left their 3 month olds to go to weddings or even skiing. The kids in question are well adjusted teens with no attachment issues .

No, I wouldn't have been comfortable leaving DS so young. I also wouldn't have been happy leaving him to be fed from a bottle for days at a time when he was EBF. I'm not sure I could have even if I'd wanted to if I'm honest, as I never managed to express very much and 2-3 days worth of milk is a lot. I'd also have been worried about returning and him preferring the bottle, which I'd have found very upsetting.

This is the first thing that came to my mind

... maybe because it is? The OP has hardly hidden the fact that she's looking for opinions because she might potentially look to organise this type of retreat.

Without baby but not until after a year maybe?

I think I’d do it if baby is 6 months +. I wouldn’t go for more than 24 or 48 hours max.. and I’d definitely want some sort of luxury escapism element eg lovely hotel, second day lovely spa / massage! I wouldn’t want to bring baby tbh 😂 as long as there was nice bedroom and lots of breaks people can pump when they need etc. Pumping for 24 hours and baby having a few bottles won’t kill anyones supply xox

No way I'd have left my PFB overnight before 12m old, and even when I did go away it was for 2 nights max for work and I found it extremely difficult. Also once you have multiple DC its even harder to leave them because you want to spend time with eldest too. A day retreat or somewhere babies could go too would be more appealing to me.

I've still never been away from DC more than 2 nights and they're both in primary school now. They would miss me too much and I'd miss them!