Thinking of self admitting

[Fuzzyhippo]

Can anyone go through the process of self admitting please? I haven't left the house in several weeks, can't eat, I sleep until 4-5pm everyday and I can't go on like this. Unfortunately the doctors aren't interested anymore and I'm on antidepressants. I have a diagnosis of ASD and clinical depression, cptsd and have been self harming regularly for over 12 years now. Unfortunately I feel it's beyond therapy and counselling, I've been going through therapy since my school days but I don't feel in control of my life anymore. I live with my grandparents who don't quite understand how bad this is. I contemplate suicide daily, family say it's just built into me to feel this way. I need help, I've spent years trying to convince myself I'm the only person who can change this. But I'm weak and can't do any more for myself. My anger is through the roof, I constantly feel the need to smash things up and cause pain to others which breaks my heart to admit because I know that's not what I want.

Please no judgement, I've spent the majority of my life feeling like this. I was suicidal at the age of 7 and nobody has ever taken me seriously. I feel by self admitting I'll finally be getting the help I need. I'm in my mid 20s, I shouldn't be in this position. I've never been able to live a 'normal' life, I have absolutely no friends and have been disowned by most of my family.

Would you be doing this privately? I don't know much about the private admissions, but the process for NHS admissions is not as straight forward as just deciding you would like to be in hospital. Are you under the CMHT?

I really sympathise with you, it sounds like you've been suffering for so long.

I have never self-admitted so can't offer advice, but you could also look at 'crisis houses' too, so that it's similar but you're not in a hospital. I also know someone who used to book themselves on UK Buddhist meditation retreats instead of getting actual NHS therapy because he found them too clinical, and strangely it really seemed to help them.

Personally my opinion is, if you're at this point, you've got nothing to lose. So if you spend all your money on self-care/retreats/private crisis houses - who cares. Your life is more important than money, and you're so young, you've got decades to earn it back again!

I'm not speaking as someone with qualifications, just someone who's been in your situation before (I'm mid-30s) and sort of 'cured myself' with a different job, doing some easy volunteering (community garden) and yoga classes.

I don't know, if you have to pay for private then I won't be able to afford that. All I know is I feel like this is the beginning of an end, I feel at peace with ending it all. There's nothing for me here

@Fuzzyhippo if you feel you are unsafe please contact crisis team or present to a and e. That’s not the truth. That’s your illness making you believe that.

@Fuzzyhippo I'm sorry you feel like that. That feeling can change. You need, and deserve, professional support. If you are under the CMHT please speak to your care coordinator or duty worker tomorrow. If you are not under them, call your GP tomorrow morning, or if it can't wait until then, call 111 and you will get through to your local crisis team. You may also find in your area the crisis team has a base you can visit, instead of presenting at A and E, to get some immediate support. These things should generate some support, although maybe not in the form of a hospital admission. Hospital admissions can be very stressful, so if you can be treated at home that might be a better option.

I'm sorry things are so tough right now.
Unfortunately though on the NHS you won't be able to admit yourself to inpatient services ( and to be honest they are probably the least therapeutic places there are!). Definitely seek support from your local crisis team and discuss options available, and crisis houses or acute therapy services may be much better alternatives if these are available in your area.

www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/where-to-get-urgent-help-for-mental-health/

Please call 999 or present to A&E, feeling suicidal is an emergency.

Thank you for the replies my nan is on the phone to 111 but they just told her to stay with me until it passes. She's going to call the doctor tomorrow see if they can refer me to anyone because we're all at a loss and don't know what more we can do. I just want to feel better, I can't remember the last time I felt happiness or normality

Hi there FuzzyHippo,

We're so sorry to hear you're feeling so low. Hopefully your nan can help you to access the support you need tomorrow. In the meantime, just in case it helps, here's a link to our mental health webguide. There are lots of numbers and links there to immediate help and other organisations you might not yet have tried.

www.mumsnet.com/i/mental-health-webguide

for you. We really hope things start to improve for you soon. Do let us know how you get on tomorrow.

Honestly I wouldn't go into hospital unless you are an immediate suicide risk. You don't get the help that I think you expect. There is no daily therapy or support it's literally a holding area to contain you so yoy don't kill yourself, with a cocktail of meds that keep you compliant.

I'd never go back in voluntarily.

I'm so sorry to hear you are suffering. 'I contemplate suicide daily, family say it's just built into me to feel this way. I need help, I've spent years trying to convince myself I'm the only person who can change this. But I'm weak' This phrase you used here really stuck out for me. I just wanted to comment a little here, from someone who also felt suicidal at quite a young age. I don't think it's so unusual, so don't worry about that. It isn't built into you to feel suicidal daily, you have developed it as a coping strategy for some reason. It's ok, many of us live with suicidal ideation, please don't isolate yourself further by thinking otherwise. But you are not your suicidal thoughts, they just keep coming up because they are familiar to you. I always think of old black records and the grooves they used to have in them, I think our stuck, repetitive thoughts are like that. Also, you're not weak, look at how you have lived and what you live with. It is not easy living with these heavy thoughts, but yet here you are, still here. That is a survivor talking, right there. You ARE the only person who can change it, which I understand feels like a lot but is also, viewed from a different perspective, deeply empowering because you are not reliant on anyone else. However, you are going to need support to do it, you are going to need to let someone else 'in'. I hear you that you have accessed a lot of therapy over your life, but agree with perhaps changing something about the modality you are accessing, just shift something slightly and it might change. I also agree that if you are admitted, it will be crisis management to keep you alive, you will be heavily medicated, you won't get the talking support that perhaps you are asking for right now. And something about your post makes me think that crisis management isn't what you need right now. But I could be wrong, in which case if you are intent of killing yourself you need to get immediate help.

@Fuzzyhippo I have responded on one of your other threads before and I am glad to see you're feeling a bit better as now you're planning a holiday in a new thread. Exciting! What a difference a day can make!

The last time we chatted you were 8/9 weeks away pregnant (last week maybe?) just wanted to check in

Hello, I'm feeling a bit better today but still haven't been able to leave my room. I've been seeing people post pictures of their amazing holidays and I never had that experience. So I'm looking into going on a solo trip to Corfu since that's the only place you don't need the vaccine to visit. Yes I'm approx. 4-5 weeks according to my dates, but my partner has left me for good and blocked my number so I'm not sure what to do. I've called MSI to try and make an appointment to go through my options but no reply as of yet. I just know I can't have a baby in this state as much as I'd absolutely love one. It wouldn't be fair. Feel like such a mess. My family are banging on about everything I do isn't enough and constantly bringing me down. Keep seeing people on holiday with friends, and since I struggle with friendships I've always wondered what it's like to live that kind of life