Intrusive thoughts

[Alex202]

Hello, I’ve never posted here before. I am suffering severe intrusive thoughts mainly surrounding my children and me harming them in some way. I have spoken to a therapist who has assured me the fact I am reacting in the way I am reacting (severe anxiety and panic attacks) tells him this is the complete polar opposite to my personality, whilst his words gave me short term assurance, I am still plagued by these thoughts. I am currently on sertraline and diazepam but the gp wants to change this to miritzapine, I’m not sure how I feel about this. This is affecting my daily life greatly, I’m just looking for assurance that people have actually overcome this? Or am I just going to be stuck like this forever? I am also awaiting CBT therapy but would just like reassuring im not suffering alone and there will be light at the end of this very dark tunnel

Hi me again, I feel I have been managing the thoughts quite well. I even managed to complete the last 4 weeks of my nursing placement. I have started CBT therapy but have only had one session so far. I can rationalise my thoughts and know they are the complete opposite of what I would ever want to do. However, I am really struggling with the guilt that comes In between these thoughts, that I could have ever of thought them if that makes sense? The other thing I am struggling with is, if I haven’t thought something for a while and my brain is quiet it’s like my mind scrambles and brings the thought right back up again. Does anyone have any advice on how to tackle this problems? I hope this makes sense xx

Re the guilt, I'm wondering if you feel at all unusual for having them? Because we know that they're more common than not and I find it fun to ask friends and family about theirs because they're by their nature outrageous and I never judge or think less of them for these involuntary thoughts. We also get a sense that this unites us, we're not alone and it doesn't mean anything bad about our character.

Re the dragging up the thoughts I'd recommend mindfulness to help you choose where you pay attention and to reduce the difficult emotions about your thoughts.

@NutellaEllaElla i feel absolutely horrified by them but I am able to let them pass through and they do get less and less, it’s just the guilt and shame I feel for having ever thought them. I have asked some friends about them and recently learned my sister suffers from this too. It is good to know I’m not alone especially when I read other peoples stories. Of course in my mind though, no one could ever be as bad as I am and I’m just going to be like this forever (cry). I started some mindfulness last night but felt really anxious during it, I’m going to stick with it though and do it again tonight xx

You'll be working on this on therapy I'm sure but the reason you're so troubled by them, is because you think the fact that you have these thoughts is important and means something bad about you. However, if you understand that we have thousands of thoughts a day which we don't control, we don't enjoy or encourage, they don't influence our behaviours in a negative way and if pretty much everyone gets them then they don't mean anything bad about you or other people who get them, they really are meaningless and lose their power. If you strongly believe they are important and mean something bad about you, write that down and talk about it at your next CBT appointment.

Hi OP - I had this after my son was born. They were awful but talking therapy and medication were really helpful for me.

You WILL get better and 6 years on I look back on those weeks and months as though it was another person

It's also important to engage with routine, essential and FUN stuff that you usually do and usually enjoy. You need productive things to focus your kind in and of course you can't expect to enjoy life if you stop doing the things you find meaningful. I have no idea what you are doing day to day of course but that's just something I recommend to all my clients tbh.

@NutellaEllaElla i understand they are just thoughts and that they are the complete opposite to what I would ever want to happen, however, I feel like my brain is trying to punish me for having them. I am still carrying on my day to day life and getting out plenty with the kids, we go swimming, farms, mums and toddler groups and I don’t feel so bad then. It’s when I have nothing else to think about that these feelings come. I’m not depressed, I still have motivation to do things but I also suffer suicidal thoughts from time to time - coming from the other thoughts. I can rationalise these though as I know definitely do not want to die and can’t feel guilt from a thought about myself but I can’t help feel the guilt when it’s surrounding the children.

@Livpool i really hope I come out the other side soon as it’s really starting to get me down:(

Hey you're doing really well!
Your brain isn't punishing you, it's just doing what brains do. In fact you could say it's going OTT to protect you and the people you love by being super aware of what not to do. I have a hunch you might feel guilty and deserving of punishment because of how you are judging the thoughts.

Have you tried the Insight Timer app? It has millions of free meditations. I'd recommend searching for non judgement meditations.

You can do this lady, you're already coping really well. They say the only way out is through and you will get through this, have faith.

@NutellaEllaElla no, I have downloaded the calm app but only tried one session so far. Going to stick with it though. I will look at the one you have recommended too.
thank you, you’re so kind! Some days I feel like I’ve got this, then other days (like today) not so much. I’m considering trying medication again but there is a lot of addiction in my family so I am quite cautious of this too. Going to speak to the CBT therapist again on Wednesday, she offered me twice a week and I declined as I thought it would be too much, I’m second guessing that now also as I just want to get it over with (sigh) xx

Hi ive just came across this post I’ve started sertraline 2 weeks ago and I’ve never experienced intrusive thoughts like this ever before in my life!! I feel like I am going insane. It’s mainly involving my child and I just cannot cope anymore as I’ve never felt like this before.I’ve started therapy and my GP has recommended I come off of the sertraline. Can somebody please let me know if this gets better 😫 thank you xx

@FK12 Hi, it definitely gets better. I still have difficult days, but the majority are good. We’ve just got back from a week break in Cornwall, something I thought I’d never be able to do. And really loooking forward to our upcoming trip to Greece, another thing I was dreading. RefLecting back on how bad I was 3 months ago, I have definitely improved. I was ready to end my life over it. Don’t fight with the thoughts, feelings, or urges. Sit with them until your anxiety peaks and starts to drop.. remember, you are not your thoughts and your actions make you who you are as a person. I had the worst of the worst thoughts, and I still struggle with the fact I even thought it. But I’m kind to myself every day and remind myself that I am suffering a disorder and I wouldn’t feel the way I feel if I enjoyed these thoughts. I don’t take any medication, I feel these made me worse. CBT is really helping me, but you have to be really honest with your thoughts, your therapist won’t judge, mine hasn’t batted an eyelid at the things I’ve told her and believe you me, they really are the worst kind 🫣. I’m happy to say, I’m definitely in the recovery stage and really looking forward to my life again. I’ve had blips in between, but my good days outweigh the bad by a long shot. I’ve also started practicing meditation which I feel has helped somewhat. Please be kind to yourself, don’t seek reassurance from anyone. And remember, you are not your thoughts, and your thoughts are not you. Please feel free to PM me if you’re really struggling xxxx

I clicked on this thread to recommend that book. Really worked well for me too a while ago. So lovely to hear how much progress you’ve made. You’re doing brilliantly. Really inspiring and I need that today!

@naturemumma pm me if you ever need a chat. I know how isolating this disorder can be 😞

Hi, I just read this post with interest. I, too, have experienced intrusive thoughts of various themes over the years - I believe the cause of my difficulties with intrusive thoughts is OCD. Mine tend to centre around Health or me accidentally giving a disease to someone I love.
Intrusive thoughts around fear of harming others are a common theme in OCD. I expect that you know this already, but if not read 'Break free from OCD'. The intrusive thought becomes the obsession that you can't get rid of and then the compulsion element is trying to disprove it in ways such as seeking reassurance or googling frantically to reassure yourself or checking etc.
I hope this is helpful. Realising that I had ocd was one of the most helpful things to me. I was very bad around pregnancy and the time my daughter was born. I am perimenopausal now and can feel it rearing its ugly head again, but now I have more knowledge which helps.

Best wishes, I know how horrible it can be but things can get better and for me increased understanding/knowledge really helped.

@Alex202 thanks so much, that’s really kind.

@Candacej Mine tends to be around health too. Do you also have health anxiety? I’ve always been “diagnosed” with anxiety, but I’m thinking it’s much more like OCD for me and it’s developed into health anxiety really. But then I get these intrusive thoughts along for the ride too. Thanks for the other book recommend, I’m going to take a look.

My DH now gets private healthcare through work and has added me on and I can get some mental health help. I wonder, what would anyone recommend. CBT? Or something else? I beginning to think I really need a bit of help.

I was completely in your shoes 4 years ago, i am so sorry you are going through this, it is debilitating. Especially when it is focused on your children.

A few things

• Please please please read a book called "dropping the baby and other scary thoughts" honestly i read it 2 years into these thoughts and i still now look back and wish to god i had read it sooner. (It made it so clear how common it is and how shamed people feel so not to come forward)


• Find someone/anyone in real life who you can talk to about it - but feel free to reach out to me privately (no one should ever be alone when they feel this way)


• There is a Facebook group, called "intrusive thoughts and pure OCD" (they tend to start a message with "trigger warning" if you want to avoid any triggers)


• I saw on that group once that a lady used to say to her thoughts - "thanks but no thanks" the whole acknowledging them but not allowing them to take hold. I thought it was crazy at first, but it works so well for me.


• My old psychologist once told me, that everyone has these thoughts, it is the way our brain processes the thoughts.

You absolutely will get over it, I truly believe you will overcome it.
But it doesn't take away the fear you have right now, because i felt i couldn't be around my kids because i wasn't safe - one thing in that book is that people with these thoughts are less likely to hurt their children than those who don't have these thoughts.

I am so sorry you are going through this.😔

Hello, I wonder how you are getting on now? It has been a few months since your post. I have been having some intrusive thoughts for a few weeks off the back of a very stressful time and am keen to hear if the CBT has worked for you. x

@CjTub hello, hope you are doing okay. I am definitely much better than I was, although I still have the occasional wobble. I’m sure that’s to be expected during recovery though. CBT Has been absolutely amazing for me, it definitely got me through my worst days. Although, you have to do the hard work yourself, if you don’t put the work in you won’t gain anything from it. I’m only a message away if you ever need someone to chat too. I hope you’re feeling better soon ❤️ Xx

Oh I’m so glad you’re feeling better. I had a psych appointment today and also watched a video from the authors of the book that was mentioned and it helped a lot. I’m still scared of having the thoughts or that my brain is going to snap and do something but I’m hoping that settles the more I don’t read into the thoughts as much!
Yes, keen to connect as I go through this journey x thank you 🙏