Intrusive thoughts

[Alex202]

Hello, I’ve never posted here before. I am suffering severe intrusive thoughts mainly surrounding my children and me harming them in some way. I have spoken to a therapist who has assured me the fact I am reacting in the way I am reacting (severe anxiety and panic attacks) tells him this is the complete polar opposite to my personality, whilst his words gave me short term assurance, I am still plagued by these thoughts. I am currently on sertraline and diazepam but the gp wants to change this to miritzapine, I’m not sure how I feel about this. This is affecting my daily life greatly, I’m just looking for assurance that people have actually overcome this? Or am I just going to be stuck like this forever? I am also awaiting CBT therapy but would just like reassuring im not suffering alone and there will be light at the end of this very dark tunnel

I have no experience of this but wanting to bump it for you. Does your GP and therapist know about the intrusive thoughts? I think you need to push for more urgent intervention from your GP, please do go back to them and speak to your therapist ASAP, I think you need advice from professionals about this. Take care x

I've had intrusive thoughts most of my life, and since I've had my daughter they do tend to centre around her.

With counselling and with the medication I'm on, the thoughts haven't gone but my distress about having them has decreased a lot.

The counselling is what I feel made the difference but it's like the right meds were the foundation that I could build everything else on.

Yes gp and therapist are aware. Awaiting cbt therapy and currently on sertraline and diazepam.

The anxiety surrounding the thoughts are the worst. I am trying to train my brain myself whilst awaiting cbt to change my way of thinking, I’m not sure if it will help tho. What medications are you currently on? Have you always suffered with this? I’m due to turn 30 next month and never experienced it before, that’s why I’m so distressed and anxious about it. I’ve not left the house for days now and really at my wits end with it.

Most people get intrusive thoughts, they're not dangerous and the CBT treatment does not focus around getting rid of them but getting used to them. Stop panicking about having this normal experience and it stops being a problem.

www.psychedmommy.com/blog/intrusive-thoughts

I think you need to read properly and learn about intrusive thoughts so you understand what they are, how common they are and most importantly why your therapist was reassuring about them.

I have read hundreds of articles and understand they are just thoughts. However, this doesn’t help with the guilt and shame I am suffering from even thinking them. I just feel like this is overtaking my whole life and I’m never going to be able to be alone with my children again. I’ve never suffered mental health problems so I’m really unsure as to why this is happening to me at 29 years old. It’s really affecting my whole family dynamic and I’m really at my wits end with it 😭.

I'm 34 now and I've had these thoughts as long as I can remember but I think the stress of TTC made them a lot worse and I really noticed an uptick once I had the baby.

This is completely normal and so many women suffer from intrusive thoughts after having a baby but it's not just a switch where you can turn off your anxiety around them just because you know they're intrusive thoughts as it really does feel awful to have these thoughts come into your mind as they are so opposite to how you feel and who you are.

Sometimes I feel unworthy to even be holding my daughter because of the thoughts I get. It takes time to build up the mental strength to calmly accept these thoughts in your mind and be able to dismiss them.

I'm on citalopram but it took me a while to get comfy on the right dose and then also needed the counselling to set me on my way but most days are good days now, and that's a massive improvement.

I completely disagree with the poster who says most people have them. And to say stop panicking is ridiculous and completely undermines how overwhelmingly horrible it can feel. I never had them and would have had no clue what you were talking about until about 5 years ago when a traumatic event happened, which I think was the trigger for mine. My intrusive thoughts focus on my children and were very disturbing and distressing. They made me absolutely hate myself and I felt like I had no control over my own mind. Since then I have had therapy and it has really helped. They have not gone away altogether but are far less frequent. When they do rear their ugly head I follow my therapists instructions..I say.. oh you're back again are you! Well you can just fuck right off! Nine times out of 10 it works. When it doesn't I just sit with it because I know it will pass. And it will for you. You need strategies though. As soon as you find one that works you will feel so much better. Lots and lots of luck. You'll get there!

They are awful OP. Really, really difficult. I learned to “blow them away”. Which means I still get them but they don’t cause me anything like the terror they used to - in fact sometimes I even laugh at them. Mine started after having my second child.

stick with the meds and wait for the CBT - it really is helpful. And keep posting here if you need to. This is a dark time and it won’t always be like this.

Yes I tell mine to fuck off too.

I suffer with quite severe anxiety and intrusive, obsessive thoughts too. The majority of mine is health anxiety related but can also be about something awful happening to my children. I too am having therapy and take Sertraline.
It's tough and I've found that some days are easier than others. Sometimes I just say, I'm bored of you now... Like I'm talking to my brain. My therapist calls them sticky thoughts but that's all they are, just a thought. It's about separating yourself from the thought. Easier said than done but just have faith that you'll get there.
Sending hugs and take care xx

i keep telling myself over and over it’s just a thought and the logical part of my brain knows I would never harm my children as they are my world. These thoughts overpower the logical part though and tell me I’m a horrible monster for even thinking it and if I talk to people they’ll take my children away. My partner is very understanding and reassuring and I have told him the darkest of my thoughts but I feel even he is going to wind up having enough of my s* and leave me and take the kids with him. I’m currently a student nurse and have spoke to uni about this who again, have been very understanding and reassuring. It’s like as soon as someone reassured me I’m not monster my brain wakes up a little and I feel okay; but then I wake up the next day and I’m reliving the same nightmare again. I was starting to avoid the kids but now after reading about avoiding I cuddle them even more and tell them how much I love them, but then these thoughts tell me will I obviously don’t or I wouldn’t be thinking the way I am. I hope the cbt comes through fairly quickly as at the minute I’m relying on diazepam to make me come down from it a little bit, but I know this isn’t the answer and how awfully addictive this medication can be.

I used to use Xanax and had the same fears but as I got better I needed it less and less. I think you are doing absolutely the right thing cuddling your kids and telling them you love them. I think the words in your head is like a part of you trying to pre-empt the worst possible scenario so you can avoid it.

one random thing that helped me was when someone said to frame my thought like this:

”I notice that I have been having the thought that I want to hurt my baby” (or whatever your thought is that day). It removes the thought one step away from you by identifying it as a thought rather than what you actually think/believe.

It doesn’t make much sense but it helped me.

Hi op I have pmd you, I hope you don’t mind.

I have stopped taking sertraline and diazepam last night, I managed two weeks of both but feel like these were feeding more into my anxiety and thoughts than actually helping me I was so suicidal last week and I think this medication played a massive part in that, as I couldn’t leave knowing how upsetting that would be to my partner and children. I think I’m going to await the cbt therapy and just try and get through life on a day to day basis without medication. I’m going to try and train my brain in the meantime, accepting the thoughts as what they are, thoughts and a complete opposite of the person that I am. Has anyone else got experience of just relying on cbt and this actually helping in the long term? They have put me as a priority as I have a child under 2 so hopefully I will hear in a week or so.

Just wanted to say that sertraline did not agree with me either but I was put on a different anti depressant that did eventually work at a very high dose(which I then reduced over time until I came off it altogether). I left it a long time though because I was very resistant to taking medication at first.

I wouldn’t have been able for therapy without it to start with. If you’ve been offered a change of med do consider it. They are not all the same.

maybe see how you do without but don’t rule it out.

@Blahburst I am in a positive mindset today and have managed to leave the house without diazepam and even managed to eat some toast. I’ve ordered a book called overcoming intrusive thoughts (recommended by therapists) and feel strong enough to discuss my thoughts with therapists now after enough reassurance that my children aren’t going to be removed. If I have had negative thoughts today I have accepted it and said I am not that person. When my head is thoughtless (if that makes sense) I tell myself “ I am not the thought, and the thought is not me” I’m not accepting any negativity in my head and thinking positively only about all the wonderful things I have in my life that I am grateful for.

Good on you! It sound like you are doing all the right things 💐

@mumsys gp referred me to the well-being hub (I think it’s a Cheshire thing) I spoke to a therapist there, he has referred me for urgent cbt therapy (which is the correct therapy for the illness) however, even urgent the waiting list can be up to 2 weeks or more. I’ve not been seen by a psychiatrist, I presented at a&e due to severe suicidal thoughts (I think a side effect from the medication) but she didn’t think I needed this help either. I am just going to await the cbt therapy and hope this helps as part of my recovery.

For anyone who comes across this post in future seeking answers as i did. from someone who was truly at their wits end, please try this book. It has helped me more than anything or anyone else did. Please don’t seek reassurance and search Google for hours on end like I did trying to find that you are not an awful person, this gives power to the thought and feeds into the anxiety. I have had an amazing 3 days with my children, simply just from reading this. It really has saved me!

Really glad to read that you've had a better few days. And really good of you to post that book recommendation for people who may find themselves in the same situation. I hope your CBT is useful too. Best wishes.

I have Schizoaffective disorder which was diagnosed after a psychotic breakdown aged 36 but I've been having bad intrusive thoughts on & off since age 6 along with a variety of problems... it's been awful.

The intrusive thoughts were literally telling me to do bad things such as 'go and hurt x with that knife, if you don't you will regret it'... I would be constantly fighting against the thoughts.
The sad thing is I'm actually a caring person & wouldn't hurt anyone!! But i was constantly left feeling like a bad evil person because of the thoughts.
Sadly I haven't been able to have a baby so can't relate to intrusive thoughts getting worse after childbirth.

The only thing that has finally stopped them is that I'm on 30mg Aripiprazole which is an anti psychotic... I'm taking it to stop other psychotic symptoms ie paranoia & delusions, hallucinations, seeing objects as having personalities etc.
But the Aripiprazole actually stopped the thoughts as well.
So I finally told someone about the thoughts... my psychiatrist. He asked 'is there a risk you will carry them out' I said no and he said don't worry look I've heard everything; and I felt so relieved to have it put in the open.

I wouldn't recommend strong anti psychotic meds though unless you really are desperate and unwell as there are lots of risks & side effects as I'm finding.

Even on a high dose I still get some breakthrough symptoms of psychosis such as the intrusive thoughts, paranoia & hallucinations when I'm very tired or stressed.

I think the book you have recommended is good @Alex202 , I have the 'Overcoming paranoid and suspicious thoughts book' which my Psychologist recommended.
I wanted to get the 'Overcoming Intrusive Thoughts' book too but he says the techniques in my book work for intrusive thoughts too.