Operation - wishing for the worst scenario

[ErinAoife]

I am having an operation shortly and I wish that I will not make it and died on the operating table as it will sort a lot of my issue without my love ones blaming themselves for it. I am struggling with my divorce nearly 5 years on, still hoping that ex will say sorry I made a mistake I do love you. BUt it will never happen, it is just wishfullthinking on my side. I am struggling each time we have family events to attend where he is going to be there, so far I have been lucky he hasn't bring any of his girlfriends he had so I haven't dealt with it yet but when it is going to happen I will be completely devastated. I am so tired, struggling to be a good mother for my kids, I had counselling but it did not help. I just want to go to sleep and never woke up. My family is another countries, I don't many friends and most of the time they are too busy.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website
or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.
We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.
We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

I don't want the tread moved to mental health unless it is deleted after 30 days. Yes I am struggling but I am not doing anything to harm myself I just saying if I die on the operation table it will be a relief in a way for me as no one will blame themselves and I won't struggle anymore. It is hard to love someone to have spend so much time with one person who decided that he doesn't want to be with you any longer and discard you like an useless piece. Most of my friends and his family are saying I am better off without him and that it will get better.