I can’t cope any more

[alisha5535]

My whole past is hitting me, I can’t cope with traumatic experiences and I can’t deal with all the regret and the guilt and my miscarriage and so many messed up things that I have done. My emotions take a toll on me and ruin friendships and I don’t want to be here any more, I don’t want to eat and with any luck I’ll end up dying really quickly if I just starve myself as I’m 6 stone. I’m just done, I feel utterly worthless and I hate myself so much. I hate the fact that I was sexually abused and struggle with sex, I hate the fact that I can’t deal with my past and I’ve been through therapy multiple times and nothing is helping. My doctor’s won’t give me any type of medication. I feel like a lost cause

I’m a terrible person. I have so many awful traits that led to me making terrible decisions and hurting people and my heart can’t live with it any more. It’s eating away at me

I believe you are a wonderful human being, deserving of all the love and support that you need. You deserve food, and you deserve love. You are NOT a bad person.
Maybe you could call The Samaritans or phone your GP?
I wish you all the best in the world, stay safe.

It is your past trauma that is making you feel like you're a bad person, you aren't at all, that's how trauma affects us. If you were a really bad person you wouldn't care enough to worry about whether you were hurting others.

Can you afford any psychological support? Or go and see a different GP who takes your mental health seriously. Have you had any support for your sexual assault? Maybe you could call Rape Crisis if not. Sexual assault is known to have long-lasting effects on people's mh and self esteem.

Please don't stop eating. It's the stress of the past trauma that is making you feel this way. If you're under 35 get in touch with Papyrus as they support young, suicidal people. Even if you're not in that age group, they have a lot of information sheets that could help you.
www.papyrus-uk.org/help-advice-resources/

Don't give up OP. The fact that there are strangers on the internet that care about you shows that there's hope out there.

Good luck

Hi there alisha5535,
We're sorry you're having such an awful time of it at the moment, and we have moved your thread so that you can access better support.
We hope you don't mind, but when threads like this are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.
You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Who won’t your doctor give you any medication? It might really help . I would try and see a different doctor or go to a and e and tell them your suicidal. I also want to die but don’t want to leave my daughter so don’t know what to do . How are you feeling today ? X