My mum thinks I am depressed

[nutcracker]

My first thought was 'shit someone noticed, thats bad'.

I don't fel like I am allowed to do something just for enjoyment though Fio, cos everyone is waiting for me to get off my ass and get a job, so I feel like it has to lead somewhere.

It really pisses me off that if i wasn't single, no one would be on at me to get job then, but cos i am a drain on society, I must get one, and bollocks to what i think.

Thats not directed at anyone on here btw.

I don't know whether you are dperessed obviously but you do need some goals

it is just being in a rut otherwise

and everything does get to seem pointless

I am naturally very lazy and when I don't have to meet deadlines and do things I am not at all good at pushing myself

I am a non achiever and a non finisher of things I have started

and it gets you down...you do have to fight against the inability to get motivated from within rather than from the outside

or else create outside influences to force you to move forward

because you aren't trained in a job it's not at all obvious what you might do..if anything you have too many choices because they haven't been narrowed by things you have done already

is there anything you can focus on as being something you would like to vchange and improve in your life

i think you have to look at specifics

if you are getting nervous doind ordinary admin things like signing your contract it is probably because you aren't practicing those skills enough

skills of meeting people, having a public face, organising yourself

the more you stay at home and the less interaction you have the less confidence and the more anxiety

Everything does seem pointless, thats exactly it.

Rather than focusing on a career and what you want to do with the rest of your life, would it be possible for you to get a job, nothing special or too demanding, just to get you out of the house and out of your rut?

When it's all couched in 'career' terms, it can seem overwhelming. Something to take the pressure off and perhaps give you some confidence?

Unfortunatly, I have had zero luck in getting a job because I have no skills, qualifications etc.

you could do 3 hours a week of voluntary work which would get you out of the house and a reference and some practice

or you could embrace the fact that you are home and forget study and work
and cook clean read books do the garden
etetc but not feel bad about it

what are your plans for the weekend

I think when you feel that everything is pointless then that suggests you are depressed

But isnlt the sense that everything is pointless also a symptom ? You can't see the wood for the trees atm. Please see your gp even if you are convinced you are not.

I can't seem to not feel bad about being at home.

well is that your own spin

Is that because you are on your own all day though ? In whcih case you need to get out and be mroe proactive - did you visit the library (seem to recall that wa sone are aof interest) and have you got the CAB appointment yet ? If you can get the basic issues sorted out first your mind may feel clearer to focus on other things.

Nope not my spin, it is what people who i know generally think.

I didn't go to the library, I did ring CAB but tbh they weren't a fat lot of help, I have already done most of what they suggested.

My doctor wouldn't give me Ad's when I was depressed he recommended me trying a fitness class 3 times a week. I joined my local council run sports centre and absolutely loved it. Within a few weeks I felt better I was out meeting new people and keeping fit at the same time. I made a few friends in a short space of time and we would meet for a coffee afterwards. I know it's hard to motivate yourself when you feel low.
January is the best time to join a fitness club most people want to join this time of year and you wouldn't feel like the new girl!!!
It would be really good for your self esteem.
I also met an old school friend who told me about a job vacancy at her workplace and asked me if I was interested. Six years later and we still work together.

"I do feel down but can't help thinking that no amount of tablets is going to change anything in my life at all."

That is exactly how I felt. The tablets make it easier to get through the day while coping with the causes of my depression.

If you went to the gp to ask if you were dperessed they may do an online diagnostic test

takes a few mintues one of those definitelu=y never slight occasionally answer things

and it then says whether you are dperessed or anxious

or both or neither

the solution is generally to prescribe citalopram which can be good for anxiety and also for dperession

do you feel that route is for you?

are you bored, fed up with money problems and don't know what to do with yourself and feel life is slipping ny with everyone else having abetter more sorted time of it and you just feel crap and pathetic and useless

drikey I just spent an age correcting all that I hope ypou appreciate it lol

lol even more I corrected it and it's still full of typing erors I give up

LOL zippi, I do honestly

The money thing isn't worrying me too much at the mo, mainly because I have written it all down, decided who i am paying, how much and when, and I can see that alot of it will have gone by June. I have made it my challenge to get as much paid off by then as I possibly can.

I think tbh I am just mega bored and fed up, there isn't anything really in particular that I am fed up with, although I do feel sometimes like my life is a bit optionless and I do hate that.

You might be right NAB, I do sometimes think that perhaps ad's would make everything else easier to deal with. I think I am worried that i'll take them and things still won't change, then what?

It most probably is boredom- I would be out of my mind if I was at home all day.

nutcracker, please dont rule out some medical help here. I felt exactly the same as you when i realised i needed help, the ADs DO help and i dont feel so negative all the time, they are not a miracle cure but they do stop the complete negativity and anxiety, you seem to have both.

For whatever reason, you may be depressed and when this happens seratonin levels drop and it is extremely difficult to get them back on line again. It is almost then like it is physically impossible to improve. Some ADs and i suspect the ones you would be prescribed help to increase the seratonin in your brain and breaks the vicious circle. They are not addictive and often you only have to be on them a short period of time.

I personally think that if you do not feel ready to "get off your arse and get a job" then you shouldnt. Not just yet, get yourself to a better place in your head first. That is your first job.

take any support your mum offers, and go to the doctors and see what they say. They may not even think you will benefit from ADs and if that is the case you wont be given them.

You are right, ADs wont change things that are going on with you, but they might help to change your attitude to them and how you cope.

Hope this helps xx

Tablets won't change what is making you depressed but they will help you be in the right frame of mind to try and deal with it.

Though if depression is apurely chemical condition, it should follow that tablets would fix it. Shame it isn't that easy.

Here is a perfect example of why I think people think I am a lazy are for not getting a job. This is an email my 'friend' sent to me today.

..I defo think a dinner lady (or lunch supervisor!) is beckoning you. At least it wouldn't be full time and you wouldn't have to pay for childcare.

I've just been speaking to Dawn who sits next to me. She used to work at the job centre before coming here last year. She said that some companys (including the job centre) allow people to not work in school holidays. They can either work extra each day/week so that it accounts for the time off or you just don't get paid for that short time. She is a single mom of a 3 year old and she said she struggled at first but she has managed to work full time since her daughter was born. She is due to have her 2nd one in March and said that it will be more difficult, but she intends to work 30 hours a week at that point.

Also, although £300 a week is alot (for childcare, if i were working during school hols), I bet you would still have more spare money paying that out of a wage than what you get left of your benefits.

Nice eh, basically if others can do it then why can't I, is what she generally means.

Have emailed her back telling her that working as a single mum with 1 child is a bit different to doing it with 3 children and that for the last time, I do not want to be a lunctime supervisor.

Should of added also that nearly every single email she ever sends, suggests I get a job as a dinner lady, and how all the single mothers she knows, work etc etc.