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Mental health

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Original poster

If someone you knew killed themselves what would you want them to have said

74 replies

hellosunshineagainx · 22/03/2022 23:34

Just been thinking about this. If someone you knew were going to die soon or killed themselves, what would you wish they had told you or written in a letter to you for example?

OP posts:

HadEnoughOfBears · 23/03/2022 10:04

I was the last person to see a friend. Just in the passing at the school gates.

Him: hey Bears you alright?
Me: yeah, you?
Him: yeah.

He took his own life about an hour later.

What would I have wanted him to say?
"No I'm not alright" would have been good for starters.

Cakesnbiscuit · 23/03/2022 12:12

@hellosunshineagainx just came back to check how it’s going and if you got an appointment?

I promise you people care 🌹

TWmover · 23/03/2022 12:34

@hellosunshineagainx did you manage to speak to them and get an appointment? Please be very kind to yourself and keep reaching out x

Original poster

hellosunshineagainx · 23/03/2022 12:49

No appointment yet but ringing them back this afternoon. I was honest with partner and asked him if he could work from home but he said its not reasonably possible today because of the meetings he has. So just trying to get to the end of the day right now

OP posts:

foxlox67 · 23/03/2022 12:56

My sisters husband committed suicide two years ago because he felt he wasn't good enough and couldn't handle life.
Us as a family have been left devastated and I've been holding my sister together until this day. It can ruin your friends/families lives. The after effects/grief is horrendous and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. He left two young children a wife of 16 years and a close family that really cared for him.
It was my sister and me that found him and I had to go through lots of therapy because of the trauma I went through. My anxiety went through the roof, never experienced anything like it before. I stopped eating ect. Same with my sister and some family members.
It's the after effects on the people who care for you that hurts the most and the trauma they have to go through.
I'm starting to finally feel myself but still scared of dying and got a few more things anxiety related to work on.
I think if he knew how much hurt he caused he probably would regret what he done and try harder to get better for his kids.
I really think you should get all the help out there, change a few life style changes and take your time to feel better.
It's took me two years to get over the extreme anxiety and I'm so glad I did because I have three wonderful children

PinkiOcelot · 23/03/2022 13:04

When you ring later stress how urgent this is OP.

I know how you feel. I feel the same. I’ve never felt so low in my life and feel life is totally pointless. I e seen my GP and started on medication. I am starting to feel a bit better. We can do this OP xx

Cakesnbiscuit · 23/03/2022 15:49

@hellosunshineagainx any update this afternoon? If you can’t get through to the GP please ring 111.

I think you need to be more frank with your husband. Maybe show him this thread if you can’t say it out loud.

Juniper68 · 23/03/2022 16:55

That's a good idea about showing oh the thread. Unless you want to remain anonymous?

TWmover · 23/03/2022 17:39

@hellosunshineagainx did you manage to speak to anyone? Otherwise I agree with a previous person who said to call 111, it is what they are for. Hopefully you can try to remove any guilt or pressure on yourself for now, do the bare minimum for yourself and your son, that is enough, nothing more is needed. You don't need to be supermum or achieve anything right now, just be and try to reach out for support. Sending very best wishes

itshappened · 23/03/2022 17:58

You have taken the first step to living and getting better by talking to people on here. It's clear to me you want to get help and feel better for your son. Don't stop now, keep going. Get an appointment with your gp,
Call the samaritans, take yourself to a&e if you have to... just don't look backwards, look forwards, and keep talking. You have a son who loves you and needs you. There is nothing you could write in a note that would be a substitute for you not being here. You will get better, things will get better, and joy will come back into your life.

MotherCupboard · 23/03/2022 19:37

Hi op how are you doing?

Cakesnbiscuit · 23/03/2022 19:51

Any update? Have you seen all these complete strangers that care about you? They want to know your safe and getting the help you need.

As PP said keep looking forward, you are being so brave and your son will be so happy you are doing this. Keep going, we have all got your back x

Original poster

hellosunshineagainx · 23/03/2022 20:01

A Dr was supposed to call me back but didn't. My partner is going to do all the ringing for me tomorrow to try and speak to them again as I just don't have the energy to do it all again.

I have asked for an extension on one of my pieces of work to give me some breathing room. For a long-standing client who I have never let down so they have been understanding.

Thank you to all of you for your kind words, it really has meant so much to me. I won't ever forget it.

I'm going to have a bath and an early night and hope things feel brighter in the morning.

OP posts:

Tutt · 23/03/2022 20:38

OP if things get really tough please call 111, if you don't feel you can keep yourself safe present to A&E, this is NHS guidelines.
OP your little one not only needs you he wants you, I had my grandmother take her life when I was 4, my step-brother when I was 21, my friend at 30. This has shaped my life.
I not only needed them I want to talk to them, hug them, just sit with them, argue with them and be with them when they were feeling alone,. I'm 53.
At this time it's got to be all about you, your self care and taking time to work on your health.
No words to tell my lost ones on reflection would have been enough.

MotherCupboard · 23/03/2022 21:07

I'm glad your partner is helping you tomorrow. You've been incredibly brave today op. It's so hard to ask for help but you've taken the first, hardest step. well done.

Juniper68 · 23/03/2022 21:43

That's shocking they didn't ring back. It's good your OH is on board.

XenoBitch · 23/03/2022 23:07

I have had dear friends take their lives... and the thing is, I am not sure they would have known themselves what to say. I have been there myself too, and I did not know what to say.. it was all action as that was the only way to express my pain. There was no words.

FrecklesMalone · 23/03/2022 23:46

Keep on. You can and things WILL get better 💐

TWmover · 24/03/2022 06:52

@hellosunshineagainx I hope your partner is able to get you the appointment today and be with you for it. If its hard to say how you are feeling consider writing it for the doctor instead if that might help. Try if you can to be as honest as possible about how you are feeling without worrying about what anyone might think or needing to be seen as brave or coping etc. So so many people have been and are where you are right now and GPs are used to hearing from people feeling like you do, so don't hold back, they are not making any judgements. You are unwell and you need help to feel better, same as other illnesses. It is totally exhausting to feel this way, that's all part of it, so try and rest when you can. Hopefully today will be the day you can look back on that was the first step towards feeling better.

pinkBamboo · 24/03/2022 06:57

Please contact your local Crisis team for help until your appointment

LouLou198 · 24/03/2022 06:59

Hope you manage to get an appointment today op. You know you can just turn up at A&E if you continue to have suicidal thoughts? Life is hard, sometimes it cam feel so overwhelming. You have done so well take these first few steps to getting some help. I hope today is a better day for you

MotherCupboard · 24/03/2022 19:33

Been thinking about you today op. How are you feeling?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 24/03/2022 20:15

Have been thinking of you OP, did you / DH manage to get the doctor to call you back? Sending you love

Killerpinkflamingo · 24/03/2022 21:22

Oh sweetheart, I am sorry you are feeling so awful

4 years ago, I was suicidal. I was depressed, had chronic, unrelenting insomnia, I had lost my job, I was addicted to sleeping tablets, I was single and had lost most of my friends, and I had no idea how to pay my rent.

It was horrendous.

I had been going to the doctor for help - I had been on citalopram, fluoxetine, sertraline and trazodone. None of them had helped, in fact, some of them made me worse. I thought I couldn’t be helped.

Thank god, before I did anything stupid, I went back to the doctor one more time, and I was prescribed Mirtazapine. I took it out of desperation, thinking none of the others helped, why would this one?

Well, it turned my life around! Honestly, it pulled me out of a pit of despair. I always want to hug that doctor who prescribed it for me. Now I am healthy, happy, in a new career and with a wonderful partner.

Keep asking for help. I know it feels pointless, but it isn’t - there is something out there that will help you. I know how dreadful this feels, but it is temporary. You will get better. Your little boy needs you.

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