If someone you knew killed themselves what would you want them to have said

[hellosunshineagainx]

Just been thinking about this. If someone you knew were going to die soon or killed themselves, what would you wish they had told you or written in a letter to you for example?

These are exceptionally trying times and there is so much to look forward to. You are needed and loved as I think “feeling happy”
Is something we think should be the norm, but really life challenging. But we grow, find meaning, and support and are supported by those we love. You would not want your child to carry the sadness and agony of your actions. Go to an emergency room if the challenge becomes overwhelming. I am so sorry for this pain. I know it is so so hard sometimes, but it will get better.

If you are having suicidal thoughts and cannot get help until the 29th please contact your GP today for an emergency appointment. They should be able to do a phone assessment if you cannot leave the house.

Failing that, ring 999. This is a medical emergency if you are feeling this way

My cousin ended her life 3 years ago. I still think of her often and wonder if things could have been different. She was the life and soul and apart from her immediate family her struggles were well hidden. I wish I had known because I would have made sure she knew how much I valued her.

It is absolutely normal in your position to feel that your family would be better off without you, but you need to know it is the opposite of the truth.

You killing yourself would have a ripple affect on everyone around you, but particularly your son and partner.

You can't see it, because your self worth is so low at the moment, but losing you in this way would literally ruin both their lives. It is the cruelest blow to loved ones, to find out that they had not known or not been able to help you, and they will blame themselves for ever. Their own mental health will be damaged and more precarious for ever because of your actions.

That is not to say that people who kill themselves are being selfish, because their mental state is so distorted, they genuinely believe the world would be better without them, but it is important you know that your thinking is distorted and not true.

The good news is, your feeling of responsibility to your little boy is a really strong protective factor which is stopping you acting on your feelings. I suspect that's one reason why suicide rates for women are lower than those for men - many women may feel a stronger responsibility for those around them which acts a brake on that terrible urge.

As others have said, you 100% need to talk to a doctor. The ones who go through with it are the ones who are unable to ask for help and admit they feel they have failed. By posting here, you've shown you can ask for help, and that is a protective factor too.

Well done for facing up to what you are feeling and sharing it here. Now you need to take that next step and talk to your GP. It seems impossible now but things can get better and you will not feel like this for ever.

(((HUG)))

I'm not a good mum, if I wasn't around my partner could find someone better than me for both him and my gorgeous little boy

You're not well, you're exhausted & your very overwrought brain is lying to you.

There's no one better for your little boy than you. He would be traumatised & carry 'not being enough' with him for life.

You say you're freelance & haven't had a break. Would you not be better off getting a job instead where you're entitled to sick pay & holiday pay & aren't stressing about getting/keeping clients??

You don't need to carry on this cycle forever, but you may need a GP that's better at balancing your meds & work on your nutrition, immune system. But it's tough with little ones in childcare, they bring all kinds of bugs home.

He needs YOU
He wants YOU

As for your fiancé, is he more supportive than he sounds?

(((HUGS)))

You are a good mum your brain is telling you otherwise. If you leave this world your husband and son will never get over this.

It will mess your son up for life wondering what he did wrong, why you didn’t love him enough to stay. Your husband will be traumatised and have to raise your son as a single parent.

Please don’t listen to yourself, I am telling you that your son is not better off without you. He will never get over the loss of you and he will forever never feel enough in any relationship and potentially unlovable.

You need some extra support please ring your GP and a local mental support group or the Samaritans.

I promise you it will be worth the effort to stay here. Your son needs his mummy

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, do know that lots of people have felt like you do now (including myself) and have gone on to feel better and enjoy life. Please don't make a permanent decision in response to a temporary situation. I know it doesn't feel temporary and ut is painful and exhausting and the problem with being depressed is the complete lack of hope which lots of other illnesses don't have, therefore making it hard to help yourself. So please reach out again, call the GP this morning and say you need an emergency appointment, that you need to see someone today. Someone will help you and there will be a path to improve things. When depression has hit me in various levels of severity over the years, on reflection it has usually been an indication that I'm expecting too much of myself, need rest and to give myself radical self-care. This is the absolute hardest thing to do when you feel trapped in it and hopeless so you need support to do that. Baby steps make another call for help, and another up needed. Hold on, it can and will get better xx

So sorry to hear you've been ill every two weeks since October, that sounds cyclical, have you thought about your hormones? PMDD or perimenopause, both so scary but very treatable if diagnosed correctly. Please speak to your GP and if you think it could be hormonal tell them.

Please listen to these people who have been there.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Some further support links:

NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health
NHS: Looking after your mental health
MIND: Coping with mental health problems during coronavirus

CALM: The Campaign Against Living Miserably
NHS: Help for suicidal thoughts

Very best wishes from MNHQ.

I have felt suicidal. I thought seriously about killing myself. I have a chronic illness that comes and goes for 20 years. BUT from that low ebb I have learnt to find life good. Slowly slowly.
My ex boyfriends father killed himself when he was a child and it destroyed their family. My ex was broken by it and never had recovered properly.
The devastation you would cause is beyond understanding. You are the most important person in the world to your little boy. Anyone you know will also be devasted. When my lovely friend killed herself 10 years ago her funeral was the saddest thing ever attended. There would have been nothing she said that would have made it OK. We all wanted her to talk before she died not hear about it after.
Things WILL get better. At one point I was sectioned, then homeless, in a violent relationship and ill. I thought life would always be bad but it now us happy and loving, and though I still get low I know it will pass. Get help. Talk to people. Say you feel depressed. Some may not be helpful but even saying it helps.

I knew someone who committed suicide and it devastated everyone around him. They all blamed themselves. I was the teacher who took over his classes and barely anyone would speak to me because I was a reminder of him and their guilt. It was a horrible experience.

You say you came off medication - why do you feel you need to be off meds? Many people are on meds for their lifetime, and that's fine if it helps them live a stable and happy life.

Kids never grow into the adults they should have if a parent, especially their mother takes their own life. Sounds to me you need to go back on the meds. Some people need them for life. There's nothing wrong with that.

Thanks everyone for all if your support and suggestions. I have been trying to speak to my GP but been in the queue 45 mins so far, it's the only way to get an appt. Hoping they have one left by the time I get through.

Can you drive? How about 111 online?

I meant drive to surgery.

OP please remember that your DP could never find anyone else to replace your child's mum.
Your little one only wants one mum YOU.
I do hope you get the help you need.

@hellosunshineagainx

Thanks everyone for all if your support and suggestions. I have been trying to speak to my GP but been in the queue 45 mins so far, it's the only way to get an appt. Hoping they have one left by the time I get through.

If they don't you must impress upon them that it is an emergency and you do need to be seen today. It's time sensitive and you must speak with a medical professional.

@hellosunshineagainx if you can’t get an appointment ring 111

None of us are taking no for answer today. If you don’t get an appointment I and so many other people on here will be kicking off. Let us know how you get on xx

Do reach out for more help, the support in real life - you utterly deserve it x . I've lost a cousin and I'm currently going to CAHMS meetings for my eldest child, it's a journey but you can get to a stronger place. You are needed, you're very much loved. I'm sorry things are feeling too much at the moment. I'm so glad that you've reached out already. Keep telling them where you are at. You're doing brilliantly to have raised this.

My friend is currently going through this, feeling hopeless and like suicide is the only way out. I am doing my best to support her but she has also spoken to "Papyrus UK Suicide Prevention | Prevention of Young Suicide" www.papyrus-uk.org
and she found them quite helpful. There is always another way op.

You're incredibly brave to seek help. You know by seeking help you know that killing yourself isn't the answer. Your brain is lying to you, there is nobody in this world that loves you as much as your boy and he needs his mummy, even one that's not perfect NONE of us are perfect. Your self worth is at rock bottom but that doesn't mean you are worthless. I've been there. My brain telling me that everyone would be better off and happier without me. It was terrifying how true it felt but it wasnt true, you can get past this and be happy again. It might not be right away, and it might be a long hard road but even right now, your life is worth living and your little boy needs you. Have you been explicitly honest with people around you that you're having suicidal thoughts? They need to know beyond doubt how low you're feeling. Planning what to write in a note comes under that bracket and i hope and wish someone will help you. Please don't give up on the doctor's.

My friend committed suicide three years ago. He had two toddlers and was a wonderful person.

I would have wanted beyond anything for him not to do what he did, the fall out for his family is still on going and I honestly know that if he'd known the utter devastation he left behind he wouldn't have done it. I've no doubt that he felt that people would be better off if he was no longer around but he was so very very wrong.

@hellosunshineagainx

Thanks everyone for all if your support and suggestions. I have been trying to speak to my GP but been in the queue 45 mins so far, it's the only way to get an appt. Hoping they have one left by the time I get through.

You tell the person who answers the phone how you feel.